In the main ss is maturing hopefully, and bm was put in her place to an extent back at mediation in December, so, I thought things were progressing to point I could engage a little more.

We took ss away camping with friends, dd is actually friends with our friends son (ages 5 and 7) so ss 11 had to come down to her their level and consistently help the boy of 7 gang up on dd. But we all survived, just. 

One thing I did note (don't know why I didn't years ago) was that instead of just telling dd off, I told ss off directly, myself, and gave him consequences myself (to hell with him crying to dh or bm) and he bloody well jumped to it or just packed it in and hid. Major result. 

Since then he's been quite interactive and talkative with me, and I was warming more and more to him.. 

So, this week my friends came to stay in our annexe, they have a boy the same age, they've met before and get on. I planned outdoor activities everyday (canoes, water assault courses Yadda) asked ss if he'd like to come and he says yes.

dh messaged bm way in advance to ask if ss would like to join in. Her first answer was 'well he's going away' yes, but not until a week later... 3 days later she magics up one event that will stop him coming to anything. So on the Tues and Thurs night he stays as usual, and has to listen to my friends son excitedly telling him all we've done, and he's been stuck in on his PlayStation all day. Everyday. I then suggested making it up to him by taking him to a drag race next Sunday. She took another 2 days to invent an event on their side... guess bm prefers the evil stepmother narrative to continue. 

However I did manage to slip in both boys an evening drive in a friend's classic car, and they both absolutely loved it. I've got a feeling she'll find an excuse for him not to attend dds birthday party this Saturday, but I'm cynical