that sounds awful. i hope that given a little time your dh will calm down enough to listen to your side. if you want him to that is.

I am shocked that this is an 8 year old!! she needs a spanking it sounds like. treating kids like adults is not good for them but some daddddddyyyys don't know that.

IMO you're not wrong for taking the stuff, but perhaps waiting until the heat of the moment had passed would have been more successful and less dramatic. It's stuff you gave her, if she's going to spit in your face, you certainly don't have to give her gifts. However never a good idea to take such actions while things are still intense.

Doing it while kiddo was in there and in her mood set you right up for the (sniff sniff) 'you pushed me'. Now there's Dh who hears the commotion and SD's act and big bad stepmommy standing there with the stuff. Ouch. You ran straight smack into this. I totally believe you didn't push the girl. I totally believe she's a brat who is quite pleased with the reaction from her father 'oh, no, you beat my baby' (rolls eyes).

Let it all calm down a bit. Then sit down quietly with DH and discuss this. You didn't beat on his kid. You didn't push his kid. However it is his job than to discipline SD and see to it that she is respectful and behaves herself. What are you suppose to do when the kid tosses such attitude and lip at you? Is he going to step up and be a parent and take care of it? Or is a kid who spits in your face and cries 'wolf' the type of example Dh wants the other child to learn and think is acceptable behavior? You two are raising two kids in this house and one of the kid is showing the other that it's perfectly ok to be disrespectful and behave poorly and sad part the SD is doing it with his encouragement and support.

My DH only once accused me of pushing and hurting his son. I pointed out that a) he could not see what happened from his vantage point and b) HIS son had pushed past me, I lost my balance and instinctively reached out to grasp something to prevent me falling over and it was s/sons collar. And this was escalated by the time the shit got to school to "my bitch of a s/mother tried to strangle me'(sson was 17 and being a first rate cretin). DH was very afraid we would be reported to CPS and he would lose 50/50 custody of his sons. I told DH that if it came down to that it would be no problem for me to pack up and leave his shit hole of a country for good if they REALLY thought that strangling a disobedient-non-first-period attending teenager was top of my mind at 7:00am when I was already late for work. I mean who has the freaking time?

Needless to say it revealed itself in the fullness of time that then-ss17 was missing first period EVERY day to get high with his friends before school. No wonder he didn't want DH to drop him off at the front door of the school. He wouldn't be able to go and get stoned and drink gin. His world tumbled down a few years later and now he is paying the price for his forgotten youth. Not so funny now when the kids he graduated high school with are graduating college and he is working in sandwich shops. But his lesson is truly learned and he has changed his ways.

DH never accused me of hurting his kids again. He knew it meant a one way ticket back to my home country for me.I refused to put up with that kind of shit.