the awful inlaws...
I have seen a few posts describing horrible experiences with inlaws... I would love to hear your stories/ issues you have experienced with them. I didn't realize how many people had the same issues I encountered with mine.
- Lilly Grace's blog
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Where do I start? I just want
Where do I start? I just want to cry thinking about it.
MIL is an ungrateful bitch. God forgive me. She talked DH( before I was in the picture) to assume her and his dad's house note because the back was going to take it. After DH's dad died, she invited herself to move in with him. So when I meet DH she was living with him. DH moved in with me. I helped him with the baggage of selling the house that his parents had own. It was a dump. He was lucky to get just a few thousand dollars more than he paid for it. She asked...what about me? DH verbal donated the house to her. She lived in the house rent free and we PAID ALL the household bills. When we sold the dump house,she demanded money. WTF.
I told DH I will not support keeping up to houses. We can get her into a low income apartment. She was not happy about that. After I got her approved on a waiting list. She almost burned the house down. She is in a nursing home now. We go every week to buy her I need/ I want list. His 2 brothers give not a dime or their time. It is like child support.
BIL bought my car. After he gave me the check, we got the title change...told me to hold the check. WTF!! He wrote me a hot check. It was good 2 days later...that is not the point.
MIL...called DH on the morning of our wedding day to ask him to loan his younger brother his car. I told DH...do not do it. MIL told me she would not loan him her car. again WTF!
BIL who wrote the hot check is getting divorced...asked to live in DH's house rent free. We are trying to clean it out to sell.
THEY GOT BALLS...think DH is a money tree.
MIL only calls when she wants something.
Wow I am impressed that you
Wow I am impressed that you took the high road and are still "helping" her out in buying her stuff. You are a kinder person than I
After my DH divorced the
After my DH divorced the skids BM there was a period of time in which he lived in his parents home. He was very young (21 I believe), two kids in diapers, ruined credit, ect... Upon moving home he found a really good paying job and his mom offered to provide child care for him. (he worked both day/night shifts) He paid his mom for the childcare on top of paying his parents rent while staying in their home. Eventually he began renting his own place that he and his kids lived in on his days off but continued to stay (still paying same amount of rent) in his parents home on days that he worked because it was much closer to his job.
When DH and I met his kids were 4(SD) and 3(SS) and my BD was 3. His mom continued to provide child care, he continued to stay in their home on days he worked all in which he paid for. I worked full time and my daughter went to a great daycare.
We eventually got engaged and started planning the wedding. Our plan was for me to be a stay at home mom thus eliminating the expense for childcare all around. My FPIL were never outwardly rude to me but I could tell that these people could not stand the sight of me and it was very apparent after we announced that I would stay home after we married. That did it, skids were MIL's babies and they needed her no one else. Four days before DH and I were to marry his parents made their first attempt to talk him out of marrying me. They told him that this marriage was going to screw the kids up for life, the kids just aren't ready ect.. I honestly can't remember what else they said because it was all bs excuses. They mad a couple more attempts those next few days and ultimately ended up choosing not to attend our wedding. They told DH they can not attend a wedding we do not support.
The next few years they meddeled in our marriage, underminded us with the kids, if they asked to take the skids and we had other plans it was always a fight, trash talked me, criticized our parenting and in the middle of all of that DH and I had our daughter. It was an absolute nightmare. If I recounted everything they did in those years I would still be typing at 8pm... They were extremely manipulative with DH to gain control over his kids. It took a long time for him to see that the relationship they had was anything but normal or healthy.
We made several failed attempts to establish boundaries with them. The last attempt was followed by almost 8 months of silence. We were thinking great finally we can just focus on our family. Wrong... his parents filed a grandparents rights case against us to gain visitation (that was similar to what a non custodial parent would get in a divorce) for not only the skids but for the baby too. We fought that case for almost two and a half years, paid thousands of dollars in attourney fees, and in the end won our case. Some of the things that came to light during that time were unbelievable and scary. It was awful. Needless to say there is no relationship with them and unfortunately with the rest of his family either.
That is the very short version on a very long story
It's not my current inlaws
It's not my current inlaws (my DH's parents), it's my first DH's parents.
When my kids were very young (3 and 5) my first husband passed away. When he was ill, my then MIL was adamant that it was HER job to raise my children, because she didn't want anything to do with helping to care for her son (he was completely debilitated). MIL said that was MY 'lot in life'.
After my first DH passed, MIL was always wanting to take my kids for days at a time, actually threatened to petition the court for custody (with no grounds) and didn't like it that I put up boundaries. She was playing her own little game of "PAS" in that she WANTED my kids to like being with her more than wanting to be home with me. And I understood that at their young ages, of course they wanted to be where the "fun" was (going to theme parks, always going to the store to get a new toy, etc). But I wasn't going to compete with that.
I remarried about 3 years later and it all went to hell in a hand-basket. Former MIL had nothing good to say (to my kids or anyone else) about me or my now-DH. She didn't like it that we moved (I had previously driven 30 miles one way to work, moved to the city and away from the middle-of-nowhere) because I was no longer just down the road from them.
I've now been married 6 years, and the crap continues. They have almost completely alienated my two kids from thems because of their (MIL and FIL) behaviors. MIL thinks my DD is "old enough" to hear MIL spew nasty about me. MIL and FIL attend my son's sporting events and behaved sooooo badly they've almost been removed from the event and in the process absolutely HUMILIATED my DS in front of coaches and teammates on a couple of occasions.
But my children's refusal to spend a lot of time with them is MY FAULT according to them -- I'm withholding THEIR BABIES. I continually have what they see as their trump card thrown in my face... that I promised my first DH that my children would always have a strong relationship with his parents/extended family. Problem is, his parents act like asses and his extended family have turned their backs on me because they didn't like the fact that I moved on with my life (I was in my 30's when my first DH died).
I say nothing to my kids. But it's absolute HELL to be around the IL's for any period of time. I hear nothing but snide remarks and put-downs about myself, my now DH, anything about us. I quit talking about ANYTHING around them. All I know is that I allow my children to make their own decisions (they're old enough now) and they both see and have experienced the wrath of the IL's.
It's too bad, but it is what it is.
Not me but my mom's MIL
Not me but my mom's MIL (paternal grandmother.)
So my parents got married and went back to Taiwan to visit my grandparents on my dad's side (who did not come to the wedding because my grandma claimed she wasn't in any condition to travel--which may or may not have been true) and stayed at their house. One night my parents were supposed to meet up for a dinner date but my dad, who's sort of an airhead, forgot because he was hanging out with friends. My mom, having jetlag, couldn't wait or sleep so she went out to the night market to get some food to eat around midnight. When she came back, the door was locked, so she knocked and rang the doorbell and everything but no one answered. It starts raining, she stands under the awning for two hours before my grandmother opened the door for her, even though she had given up on knocking and ringing the doorbell ages ago.
When I was five, I came downstairs (they came to the US and lived with us) in a cute purple dress my mom had hand sewn for me, my grandmother took one look at it and told me it was ugly. I took it off and my mom asked why and when I told her, she started crying. I felt really bad.
When I was in Taiwan with my parents around 3 years old, I got really sick with pneumonia. My parents have a lot of friends who sent over gifts of sweets and food to me in the hospital, my grandmother said they weren't healthy, took them home, and ate it herself.
She tried to force my parents to adopt one of my male cousins because my dad (the most successful of all her sons) has no male heir.
Spread rumors about my mom to my aunts and uncles and tried to get them to fight. She thrived on drama.
The stress of living with her and constantly be under attack caused my mom to have a stillborn when I was in the 6th grade where she almost died of blood loss, and after that, it opened my dad's eyes to the toxicity of his mother, he moved her out to another house, and refused to let her meet my mom, even on her deathbed when she said she wanted to speak to my mother. My dad's words were, "You've done enough damage and have lost that right." She died without ever speaking to my mother. When my mom was pregnant she would constantly say stuff about how it's another girl because my mom doesn't have the "ability" to bear sons.
When my dad went back to Taiwan, the night before, my grandfather comes home with a cake a friend had given to him. My grandmother wanted to eat it but my grandfather said no, it was for "Oldest son who is coming back tomorrow." My grandma was fuming. When my dad arrive, my grandfather happily took out the cake for him but my grandmother started screaming that it was probably rotten and he was trying to make my dad sick. My dad, not wanting to upset his mom, refused the cake from his father who, very disappointed, put the cake back into the fridge. The next day, my grandfather passes away while jogging in the rain from getting hit by a motorcycle. The last thing he wanted was to give his son a cake he had saved special for him, and because of my grandma, he couldn't.
My mom cooked and cleaned for her every day she was living with us and her food was never good enough, and she would flip out if my grandfather, who really liked my mom, liked her cooking. Would say it's not fit for a dog. Stuff like that.
She did a hell of a lot more but I can't remember them all. All I know is she caused my mom's depression for a long time, so at her funeral, I see my mom shaking in the front row with her face covered by the brochure. Everyone thinks she's crying, but later she admitted to me she didn't know why but she started laughing hysterically and couldn't stop until she was crying from it.
Compared with my grandmother, my MIL, who really only sometimes does passive aggressive things to remind DH about the kid, is a saint.
These all seem so shitty and it's partially our culture's fault of daughter in laws not having any power or protection if the MIL decides to be a bitch.