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Countdown (Continued…pt 2)

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Mon, 11/13/2023 - 8:36pm

Still haven't told him. Still struggling with the when/how.

Anyways  

Can't wait till I am free from his overbearing ways

Discreet packing while he's at work - day 7

Get out of mediocre seggs card - pretend to have explosive diarrhea and headache

 

Comments

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 6:04am

This.. if there is any question how he will take the news.. just "be gone".. and don't agree to meet him in private places.. don't let him know where you have moved.  

At this point.. you can write a short but sweet message.

The relationship is not working out for me.. for my own well being, I need to leave.  I wish you the best and in time, you will realize this is the best path forward for both of us.  then insert any relevant logistic data he needs to know (cable has been transferred to his name.. or whatever he needs to know ).. then.

lillly

 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 8:28am

Repeat after me:  To reduce drama and possibly physical violence tell him AFTER THE FACT!  (Dear John letter)

"Dear Clueless,"

Our relationship is no longer tenable.  Wishing you good luck."

 

Do not go into details trying to explain anything he will not believe it even if you try to and once again if he was leaving you there would be no way that he would let you down gently as they say or give you a breaking up ceremony.  You have been warned.

AgedOut's picture

Submitted by AgedOut on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 6:32am

I can see three options. I'll give my choice at the end of my post. 

 

1. you tell him, he explodes, it gets nasty and you have to call for help.

2. you tell him and he's okeydokey fine with it and helps you carry your last armful, walks you to your car door and you both tearfully hug and as you drive away you look out the rear view mirror and he's forlornly waving goodbye as you turn the corner on this part of your life and start a new adventure. (I've been watching too much Hallmark) with the small town Christmas tree farm owner you had a crush on in 6th grade but who never seemed to notice you. You soon find out that not only did he notice you, he loved you from afar and you give up your high tech but stressful career and move to the small town to become the librarian and the scene fades away with you two standing on a mountain top and watching the sun go down. Oh and there's a dog. Or a cat. Or a horse. but he has NO KIDS!!!!!!

3. you pack and go w/ your things and leave him a simple note stating your choice to leave. 'Dear Weeblesnatch, due to the lack of attention and respect you've given me I have chosen to quietly leave and allow us both to move on." orrrrrrrr  "Dear idjiot, you know how, in the movies, the girl always says "it's not you, it's me"? well my dude, it's not me, it's you. God bless, take care. Cyaaaaaaaaaa"

 

 

I vote for #3 but hope for #2

 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 8:31am

And never real life.  Breaking up ceremonies are a personal insult to a selfish partner and they will get revenge.   I had to Dear John my second, violent husband.  If I ever broke up with Chef it would be the same:  he would get a letter on the counter after the fact and not a previous clue.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 8:45am

Yeah, i left my marriage with a change of underwear in my purse pretending the kids and i were going to be back in a few hours after spending 3 days forcibly held in the house. You gotta do what you gotta do. Do it quietly with as little drama as possible. 

AlmostGone834's picture

Submitted by AlmostGone834 on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 10:25am

You forgot to add that the Christmas tree farmer resembles the guy on the Brawny packages. 

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Wed, 11/15/2023 - 8:37pm

Good evening, AgedOut,

Your post (particularly the last paragraph) hit my funny-bone with a crash that will keep me giggling for the rest of the night. You have a grand sense of humour and it’s a welcome respite in this hazardous arena of Step-land.

I’ve missed you and your ‘How are YOU doing?’ blogs. Give rose

 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 7:09am

To DH.  So I would not do a face to face. It will get ugly.  Leave, leave a short note.  Along the lines of. "As you know this relationship is not working. Has =nt been for a long time.  I am not good at step parenting,  you are a good guy. Best of luck. '
i am sure he will be contacting you because he doesn't want to take care of his kids by himself. 

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 8:05am

The partner of a friend of mine moved out while my friend was visiting family. He left a letter from his attorney. It was cold, but effective. 

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 8:14am

I remember there was an OP on here who left her ex and basically told him the day she was moving out, he got pretty nasty about it and tried to corner her in the bedroom if I remember correctly.  She had friends come over so he had to let her go, but it was a tense situation.  If I were you I would just be gone, leave your key and don’t come back.  Let him put the pieces together, also if you are sharing your location with him, remove it.  Sounds like with this guy you need a clean break.

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 4:50pm

Yes I will be glad to remove my location that day. 

i turned my phone in airplane mode when I went for discreet storage drops

I needed his so I could see how far away he was and how much time I'd have peace and quiet before the "domestic t3rrorists" arrived 

glad I won't have to do that anymore  

I am Not trying to risk having any stalking situations 

AgedOut's picture

Submitted by AgedOut on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 9:04am

as a quick more serious post. I'd leave a note and block his number as soon as you drive away. 

I left my ex  by leaving with as much as we could take and doing it while I knew he was at a long appt. No note, no call, no more him!

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 9:21am

Look.. I get it.. women are particularly bad about this kind of thing.  We don't wan't people to dislike us.  So, we think that somehow if we have the big breakup talk... that they will still like us in the end.. even if the relationship is over.  That the whole thing can be a bit teary eyed but everyone will stay reasonable. 

Pffft.   You are breaking up with him.. he may very well NOT like you for doing that.. but that isn't any reason to stay right? nope.. so take your leave.. semi ghost him.. the letter on the counter.. the lipstick on the floor.. if he wanted you to like HIM.. he would have likely made this relationship more dfferent!

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Wed, 11/15/2023 - 10:21pm

Thanks for doing this research, Winterglow. Reedle was such an inspiration to all of us! Sandye21 was also divesting herself of a deadbeat user at around that time so we had two strong, capable women to admire as they left intolerable marriages with grace and courage. I'd love to hear from them and discover how they are both getting on!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 1:01pm

Lilly, when you have your final escape plan in place, tell someone. That way, if things go south, you have a friend checking up to make sure you're safe.

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 4:48pm

Will do. 
 

I plan to hire movers come mid week while he's at work. 
 

Until then I have my security system (with police dispatch) still activated with 3 panic buttons in different locations. which I will transfer the service to my new location. 
 

I'm also going to order a stun gun that looks like a cell phone 

Juuuust in case....I don't put anything past anyone 

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Wed, 11/15/2023 - 8:51pm

And, my dear Ani, you know of what you speak since you have a graduate degree in surviving abusive relationships! No such thing as too safe when leaving a bad one.

halo1998's picture

Submitted by halo1998 on Tue, 11/14/2023 - 2:45pm

before I left the Village Idiot aka my abusive ex.  I packed what I needed and had the condo ready for myself and my kids..and the next time the VI said.."I want a DIVORCE.".  I agreed with him and said so do I and I'm leaving tonight. I grabbed the kids and ran out the door..and left like my ass was on fire.

The next time I told him cause he didn't believe me...was in the marriage counselors office (which I only agreed to to tell him no way in hell were we reconcilling).  I told him..NOPE not gettin back together and this was the END.

Edited to add:  If I decide to divorce DH...he will find a moving truck out front with the kids stuff from the condo.  He can then load up his crap and move to the condo.  THE HOUSE IS MINE...all mine.