OT - AITA???
Be honest...
During my bio's graduation my relative acted imo inappropriate and I respectfully said something about said behavior which triggered this relative to lash out at me
My older relative helped pay a portion of my bio's school so I felt obligated to invite them despite knowing this persons past history of behavior (ex. Once I pay money for you, I can do whatever tf I want type of attitude)
So after day 2 of 3 of events, my bio says "hmmm that is so weird this relative is giving monetary gifts to my classmates I'm no longer friends with and haven't been cool with since elementary/middle school"
I'm not against gift giving or being generous but I thought this was out of order because
1. I wasn't informed until after the fact
2. my bio wasn't informed until after the fact
3. the behavior was distracting and so odd it made my bio feel strange like "why is this person doing this"
In my mind I see this behavior as my relative using this event to do a last minute purchase of power as the students she gifted are from prominent parent. I can't see any reason this relative thought it was a good idea to do.
When I respectfully suggested this relative to simply check in with us at these milestone events before gifting items of monetary value to ensure these are people my bio is close to...the relative flipped out, claimed they knew these people first / is "friends" with these kids parents (which is a LIE), said they didn't know they needed permission to be generous, said I should be grateful not offended, insinuated that I am so ignorant i should realize it's a small world so they may be "friends" with people we aren't close to and all other kinds of excuses to explain away inconsiderate inappropriate behavior
Am I the a$& for calling this relative out (I declared my boundaries as respectfully as possible using the sandwich method) or should I have waited until after the events were over or just said nothing.
I see this as my bio's community where my relative using money to insert themselves for attention and power especially at milestone events (where it is not at all appropriate no matter how much funding said relative contributes)
Am I missing something here?
- Lillywy00's blog
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Comments
I will say the relative didn
I will say the relative didn't gift all of the classmates just singled out a handful of classmates based on this relatives own personal preference not anything related my bio's preference of which classmates
Said relative was well aware my bio was not on the best of terms with the people they chose to gift (matter of fact one of the gift recipients had bullied my bio leading to the fall out of their friendship many years ago)
Not the AH
No Lilly, you're not the assh*le.
Your DD shouldn't have had to be subjected to weird, narcissistic, 3rd-party "Impression Management" by that relative on her big day (or ever). The relative was being a total climber. Hopefully the recipients' families see right through it.
Thank you! I was racking my
Thank you! I was racking my brain trying to understand this family members perspective but this is totally how it came off to me very narcissistic like "let me show you all who has the money, who is in charge...Meeeee...see Lilly isn't giving you money like I am"
Unbeknownst to her, I give back to that community with my money (regularly give money to their giving funds) and time (was on PTA helping with events many years), plus those people have more than enough money to not be swayed by the ulterior motives....At least I think
Like sit down, enjoy the day, and keep your wallet and your mouth closed ffs!
Is it just me or is anybody
Is it just me or is anybody else getting creepy vibes from this? Giving money to random kids this person probably doesn't even know? If this happened to one of my daughters, the money would be given back ASAP (I may be overly sensitive about this because a total stranger tried giving one of them toys when she was about 7-8 yo).
Same. It's creepy. Don't take
Same. It's creepy. Don't take candy from strangers, don't take money from strangers.
I'd have asked the creepster to knock it off too. NTA.