Powering Through While Pretending.....The GTFO Checklist

"When people show you who they are.....believe them"

Today I plan to

turn off my location, procure/put some items in storage
Post some stuff on marketplace and ebay
procure a new therapist
make a spreadsheet of all MY items
cancel/change my passwords on shared accounts (amazon, walmart, grocery apps, etc)
pretend like nothing is going on before he returns from work

Lillywy00's blog
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If you are not planning on

If you are not planning on leaving straight away.. I would not change passwords on thiings he might pick up on.. but take your payment types off.. make sure he can't run up your credit cards.. and if you have joint acounts.. that is something you want to get your funds out of asap.

Moving in silence. Wishing

Moving in silence. Wishing you the best!

Definitely start downsizing

Fewer things to move. Don't be too obvious...if you think he will notice you taking your share of the joint account, you can gradually take out your share incrementally.

Agreed.

A few weeks ago I put MY vitamix (that was a bithday gift to me) up for sale (trying to cut down on some of the stuff I'll have to pay to move by selling it or giving it away).

This dude has a full on MANtrum. Argued with me for WEEKS about MY vitamix and how since he was using it and since I brought it into this house he felt entitled to my shit. Complained to his coworker (a gay dude who hates women) and that guy was like "is she leaving? bc my exwife sold our vaccuum when we were in process of divorcing"

In my mind im like dude I can do wtf I want with MY possessions.

So yeah....Now I know I gotta be strategic and not too obvoius with it. It's gonna be a bit tricky and I wish I never broought my possessions into this house knowing that this dude thinks he's entitled to items that dont belong to him/he didn't purchase/we didn't procure together.

Community property

I always joke "whats his is mine and whats mine is mine" we are in california the land of no fault community property...

Have you stated to him that

Have you stated to him that you are ending the marriage?

You need to be careful about how you go about doing things. Home life can get bad quickly once they know that you are leaving. The most important thing is to remain safe and protected- physically and financially.

No Im just engaged. I haven't

No Im just engaged. I haven't told him I wanted to end it. I have told him his behavior is significantly decreasing my attraction.

I agree. That's part of the reason why I've been waffling back and forth. Because it would ease my mind if we could be honest/mature/mutually end things, but I have witnessed him pull out his petty passive-aggressive streak of behavior when things don't go his way

One time during an argument, he was slamming doors and he restrained me (by plopping his big ass body on top of me and refused to get up).

I put some bass in my voice and told him "Look Mf! I don't do this domestic t3rrorist/violence bs and if you do not move I WILL call the police right fn now."

He hasn't pulled those shenanigans since then however, he never apologized and in fact minimized it saying 'but I never hit you" "I said fool you just restrained me with no valid reason or purpose and that's abusive and illegal; I don't play like that, I don't wrestle with big ass men twice my size, and if I say stop you better fn listen. You got the wrong one and if you dare lay a hand on me with aggressive intent then I will call police so fast your head will spin!!"

I wish I could be honest - it would make things a lot easier - but the fact he has stooped kind of low when things dont go his way and he minimized/never apologized for that specific incident, makes me believe he could act a fool in the future and I don't want to deal with his petty drama.

I just want to leave incident-free and everyone move on.