Well - at least your eyes are open and you are questioning him as a parent BEFORE you are married, which is not always the case on here.  Some seem to go in with rose-colored glasses and then they are stuck.

He's telling you pretty clearly what kind of parent he is - overindulgent, coddling, permissive, and overly focused on his child.  I have a stepson, but it seems from my reading here, that these spoiled girls only get more rotten and harder to deal with as they get older and smarter and meaner.

I'd rethink whether this is the guy for you - if you want to move forward with more commitment.

She's 10! I thought you were describing a 16 yr old. Ya it only gets worse and they become more and more entitled. If dad tries to discipline her now, it will be your fault that she no longer gets everything she wants from dadddeeee

I have to agree with the others that this is not the man for you. Or any woman really. It will ruin his daughter's life if he marries you? That would have been enough for me to walk out the door! My SD was 8 when I met my dh and that thought never, ever crossed his mind! His kids actually couldn't wait to meet me because they - shocker! - actually WANTED their dad to be happy! They watched their mom parade a line of men through her revolving door and asked their dad when he was going to find someone. He'd dated a few women after his ex but never introduced them because it was never serious, but when he knew it was with me, I met them. I'd never have stayed hidden for a year! I understand not meeting the stepkids immediately, but a year? Wow. 

You are finding out (luckily!) before you marry this guy that he is a crap parent and will not put you first. He already has his little mini wife, and like the others have said, it will only get worse. Please, please think long and hard about this guy. Read up about mini wives on this site and please realize things will not change. Don't marry him thinking it will get better because it won't. 

As soon as I heard that he couldn't marry me until his daughter got older because it would ruin her life, I would have been done.  A good partner would put you first.  My SO's kids are excited about our upcoming marriage, and SO has been crystal clear that our relationship is his priority.  I would not be moving forward if both weren't the case.  A relationship with this man (and therefore his daughter) sounds like a recipe for distaster.

No matter who is right or wrong, it is not working. 

Please figure out why you would even consider staying with someone who doesn't value you. And FYI.... Kids who are raised like this child often don't make very responsible adults because they are not equipped to navigate the real world, so you will play second fiddle to this kid far beyond the 18th birthday... probably for the rest of your life. Be grateful he's so honest about how little he's willing to give you and move on.

When a man puts off marrying you because it might upset someone else - he DOES NOT WANT TO MARRY YOU.

I went thru this with a man whose parents were from the "old country" - Eastern Europe.  They refused to even meet me although they only lived 2 miles away.  My grandfather was BORN in the same country - but I was still not acceptable.  After 4 wasted years I threw in the towel.  He proceeded to find a new girlfriend who he strung along until his father died in his NINETIES.

The daughter (hopefully) is not going to die and go away like an elderly parent.  Cut your losses and move on.

disrespectful and no doubt takes no responsibility for anything. When she grows up she will become WORSE, she will be overly spoilt and entitled and her dad who put her spoiling and entitled behaviour over a relationship with a woman he is supposedly has feeling and love for, will grow old and lonely to the same daughter who abandoned him

putting her above you teaches this girl she doesn’t have to deal with the real world, that its tough and no one is going to be overly concerned about upsetting her over entitled bratty feelings. 

But if her dad chose to marry you, even if she chucked a hissy fit, he’s told and shown her that the world does not revolve around her, that his feelings matter too, that life is tough, things happen that we don’t like but we learn to deal with it.

if the same dad told the daughter her not wanting daddy to remarry, well what if daddy told her he didn’t like her boyfriend who proposed to her and she needs to end it, would she do the same??

pretty sure of course not but there is no reasoning with people like this

in my case hubby had been divorced 4.5 yrs (ex wife remarried days after the divorce), kidnapped the 2 daughters and cut off all contact. That was tough for hubby because she was narcissistic, high conflict golden uterus syndrome vindictive biatch... 

she and the girls though hubbys goid nature would mean he’d be in limbo forever waiting their return (manipulative and guilt tactics), typical with them.

except hubby met me, someone he’d never come across before, who made him see a future, that there are good trustworthy people to settle down with, he fell in love hard and quick because he didn’t want to lose me. Well we’ve been married 3.5 yrs before suddenly eldest daughter aged 22 contacts him telling him mum lied, but get over it and move on, she’s a changed person and we want to be a family, then does a 360 and tells hubby we can’t be a family because mum said you did black magic voodoo crap against us despite then admitting their mums sister and husband illegally entered their home laying dead cats, candles and weird shit!!

they tried to guilt hubby, make him feel bad for meeting someone, marrying her and having 2 kids with her. For hubby he has stated that me and our 2 kids along with 3 skids from exwife are his family, its their choice to not be nice and civil to me but they are only sabotaging their future because hubby is entrusting a major portion of his estate to me to manage should he die because ultimately he does not trust his 3 eldest kids becaus they are brainwashed and controlled by the exwife, he has to nip that somehow. 

They do the fake nice but hubby wasn’t buying it 1 bit

this man is not for you, because he is sabotaging his life and future for an ungrateful selfish daughter who will grow up controlling him and his life 

He is never going to want to get married, it will always ruin his princess' life....she has made up her mind you are the family intruder...never to be family, she will make certain of that....daddeee is playing right in her hands and, you need a decent man, not this one. 

You will be much happier moving on from this sickly enmeshment, he even admits to you.

He should have told you when you first started dating that he was more interested in being a father than being a committed partner.

It's fine that his priority is his daughter but he should have made that clear up front, so that you could have made an informed decision about how much time to waste, or not.

That's why, in my opinion, the waiting a year to meet her and then rarely being around her the next year, was a mistake. You could have learned all of this a long time ago. I mean, he didn't even TELL her that he was dating for an entire year? And really, him marrying someone and being happy is going to ruin his daughter's life? That's a little much, and a clear red flag.

The daughter may be hard to deal with, but he is certainly no prize, and is, in fact, the cause of her entitlement.