Attending Skids' Sporting Events
The last time we had the skids they were intolerable brats, and my DH was well aware that I was completely over them and couldn't take them for one more minute.
They are both having sporting events next weekend and I have no interest in attending, not because they are brats, but because I really, really, really, don't like it. Seriously, I would rather have a tooth pulled without novocain than attend a sporting event, any event, not just the bratty skids. BTW this would be 7+ hours of sports/driving.
DH told me about the events and in the same breath said, "you don't have to go." Do I really have to go to these things? I care about the kids and their feelings even though they don't care about mine. If I don't attend are they going to think I don't care? Should I even be bothered by this? Or should I go ahead and make appointments at a spa?!!!
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Comments
Make an appointment at the
Make an appointment at the spa. If you truly do not wish to attend, don't. Sometimes it really is about you and what makes you happy. That's ok..lol
Very Helpful
Thank you for your terrific reply!
The skids believe they can act/do anything they want and it doesn't matter because I will always have to "love" them, since their parents love them no matter what. Hello! I'm not your parent! I don't even have to "like" you!
You are right, I will regret it, I already regret all of the things that I have done for them so far, I would regret spending yet another entire day on their agenda.
DH knows I have had enough and he also knows I didn't have children of my own because I didn't want to devote my life to raising another person.
Yes, I am selfish, but that's not a bad thing. It would be a bad thing if I had kids and kept on being selfish!
I will still be as nice as possible to them and hope that one day they will return the favor. Until then, you can find me at the spa!
Thanks again!
StepAside
you are my new mentor...... hasn't been 17 years, but i am positive that is how i feel now and will then........ thank you....thank you...thank you.....
Don't go if you don't want
Don't go if you don't want to BUT you should call them afterward to ask about the games/if they won/had a good time/ ect.
Thats what I do with SD10, I go to some games BUT all day--no way.
Go to some games
I would go to some of the games, but if its an all day thing, you don't have to go if you don't want to. Ater the games I would ask them how every thing went.
I agree with getting by, I
I agree with getting by, I think being there father will be there and you don't want to go, just give them a call and ask how it went.
This Is All So True
StepAside, you are right. I read what you wrote here, and after a very long day and not even wanting to go home tonight because my adult step kids are there as well as my husband's SD and the step grandkids are there as well, I just started crying. I am so tired. I miss my own kids, but I am immediately irritated the minute I walk in the door and have to see those lazy adult SD's of mine that I did so much for and they treat me like crap even though I worked by butt off for them. I don't think it makes a difference if you go or not littlelucy. Maybe with some step kids, but not with mine, I went to all of their events, and I mean all of them. They treat me like dirt still. So, I think it all comes down to is what you think it will mean to them later on and what kind of kids they are now. Are they kids that appreciate you now? They might really appreciate you being there, but if they are like my step kids, they could care in the least. They just wanted me there at the time because there BM wouldn't go and they wanted someone there for them. Now I am so burned out on all of this stuff that I don't feel like going to my own kid's stuff and that is just plain wrong. You both hang in there StepAside and littlelucy. It will get better someday. I tell myself that all of the time. I am tempted to copy "If I could take back" and give it to my husband. Maybe he would understand that I am not alone and why I am so tired of living with his adult step daughters.
I try to go as much as possible...
And my SD's have A LOT of activities that they participate in. But, I usually go because I know it burns BM up to see me and DH together at those events and the kids get all weird because their mom is acting all weird. It's pretty amusing, actually. :evil: It shines a BRIGHT light on BM as well, because after 6 years of being divorced she has still not had one DATE!! Hmmm, could she be a lesbian?? Maybe people will eventually figure it out...I mean, she does look like a MAN!!
BUT, if there is a day when I don't feel like going I DEVOTE THE WHOLE DAY TO MYSELF. You have to disengage once in a while for your own sanity. I say go to the spa!!
Love
LLL
the bm in my life has had a couple boyfriends (maybe just dated a few times) in the almost 8 yrs i have been with DH --- at first i was super excited hoping she would meet the right person, get married and move somewhere far far away..... but that never happened...... in fact, at the end of every short term relationship (3 weeks, month maybe), she would start calling dh and cussing him our for no f'n reason --- and always in front of skids........ mil & sil thought she might be lesbo with this friend she used to have, but that friend ultimately moved far far away.............
Well, BM is gay...
She cheated on DH with a woman for the last 3 years of their marriage. And he married her (and stayed married for 10 years) and her whole family knew she was a lesbian but never told him. His family and friends suspected it too, but DH was in denial. (WTF??) They were both "born again Christians" and heavily into that religion stuff back then, so I think he brainwashed himself into believing she was straight even though she looks like a DUDE. Guess he got his wake-up call, huh? LOL
You just never know about people, I guess...Oh, and BM was a "virgin" at 28 when they met but low and behold, SHE HAD LOTS OF FEMALE LOVERS IN HER TEENS AND 20'S, SHE JUST NEVER TOLD DH!! Now she tells the SD's oh, you need to stay a virgin LIKE I DID until you are married. They don't know she is gay, by the way. She is in the closet...and obsessed with Baptist religion. Can you say "freak"??
Love
It's Like We Are the Same Person
I had to read your post over and over, its like we are the same people. Maybe your BM and my BM are the same person? The skids are signed up for every sport ever invented all year long and there are games/practices every weekend and GOD forbid anyone miss one!
DH has to do the same schleping, Friday: 1/2 hour drive to pick up; Saturday 1 hr drive to sports, 1 hr drive back from sports; Sunday - 1/2 hr drive to drop off...
So glad I'm not alone in this stupidity. BTW, I REFUSE to pick up/drop off EVER. If DH can't do it, they aren't coming!
OMG...me too!!
I guess we are all in the same boat! We even have to plan vacations around their basketball/volleyball/running/swimming schedules...it is absolutely rediculous! I too am a "single" wife with no kids of my own. My SD's 12 and 15 are just a total pain in my ass and are SO entitled (because BM kisses their asses and they expect DH and I to do the same). I only came into their lives a little over a year ago (DH and I are about to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary next week) so you can imagine the problems I have had to endure because we married very quickly (after only 5 1/2 months of dating/being engaged.) BM and the SD's completely fliped out because they didn't think DH would ever remarry because it had been 6 years. He did tell them he would never remarry, so you can imagine their surprise!! hehe...I think it is so funny!
I do pick up/drop off once in a while, but I make sure DH knows that this will NOT become a habit. I have my own life and I chose not to have kids of my own for a reason. I don't want ANYONE'S kids around me!!
Love