You are here

She's back!!

Lolly1220's picture

Submitted by Lolly1220 on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 2:05pm

Well I had a nice 4+ months. My adult step daughter (20) contacted her father yesterday after not speaking to him for four months because I kicked her out after she physically attacked her father and told her "friends" that he abused her. The night I kicked her out she had snuck a strange guy into her room (he was in her bed naked) and they were blotto drunk-NO she didn't drive away. Anyhow...I made it clear that I would not accept her back into my life unless she acknowledged her lies and unacceptable behavior. She's a spoiled only child and her parents are willing to just forget about it as long as she talks to them. I am now her fathers C wife--she of course will not say that to my face...whatever...don't even need to go there. So yes...yesterday..she contacted him because he has been sending her links on CL for places to rent where she moved (3 hours away thank God!). She emailed him back that she had found a place and was moving in after couch hopping and staying with the loser skateboard riding stranger for four months. Her second line said "It's more $$ than I expected.." So what is one of the first things that her father asks?? Yep--you got it...Do you need help with rent? Grrrrrrrrrrr.
I need to find a peaceful place in my head to deal with this...I can be pissed off....disappointed with my husband...I can bitch & moan...and I know nothing would change. He is going to do what he always does and allow her to walk all over him. Both her parents do it. I've decided that when he goes and tries to help her move her belongings or sends her money or goes to build a fence for her dog..I will not participate. I'm going to visit my parents and friends...walk the dog...maybe even put the elliptical machine to use. I'm not going to let this ruin me or make me an angry woman/wife. I will not pretend that I'm ok with it--because I'm not and never will be. I'm not a mean person by nature but I've reached my limit with her. I guess they call it indifference. She does not exist in my world. Now if I can just not rip my husband head off every time he mentions her name..that would be great!!

Comments

Lolly1220's picture

Submitted by Lolly1220 on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 2:17pm

Yes & No...we split household bills--mortgage, insurance including her medical but we keep separate bank accounts. If he wants to send her money or pay her rent--I will not contribute. I still have a hard time paying half of her medical ins.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 3:12pm

Yes, this.

DH reimburses me for his premium and SDs premium costs.
And I am ending this help after they come off my plan...soon.
BM can add them to hers just as easy.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 2:43pm

They never truly go away do they? They quiet down sometimes for short periods of time.. but they ALWAYS come back. Sad

Major Blunder's picture

Submitted by Major Blunder on Thu, 10/06/2016 - 3:30pm

Everytime I read another's post I feel more and more like I have come to the right place and that I am not alone in the things that I have and am dealing with as a Step. My DW and I share finances and have since the beginning I wish that wasn't true and I see it as kinda late in the game to change that but wish I could . She is not as bad as some of the Bios I have read about but she still is weak when it comes to her girls.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Fri, 10/07/2016 - 1:57am

I would simply stop paying for her medical.... DH can take that over...

and for the rest, do not care , I will just make it clear I will not be supporting a broke man in old age..

Lolly1220's picture

Submitted by Lolly1220 on Fri, 10/07/2016 - 9:41am

OMG how funny!! I told him that last night. When you're old and broke and living under a bridge--call your daughter to take care of you. HA!!
We had a god talk last night and I just let him know that he has to respect my boundaries. I will not stop him from having a relationship with her--AND he can't force me to have one with her.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 10/07/2016 - 9:38am

She said the rent is more than she expected, not more than she can afford, and your husband just jumps in and offers to help? Is he going to help pay her rent forever? How about she finds a different place that is less? Why won't he let her grow up and be an adult?

This would piss me off to no end.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Fri, 10/07/2016 - 9:46am

Right? How is it that she didn't "expect" it to be so much? Did she not see the price in the listing? Can she not read??

I mean, if it's too much for your budget, it's too much for your budget?

I sure hope OP's husband doesn't rush right in and save the freaking day.

Lolly1220's picture

Submitted by Lolly1220 on Fri, 10/07/2016 - 9:57am

M-A-N-I-P-U-L-A-T-I-O-N!! She's a master manipulator. She will have both of her parents sending her money for rent. Her mother also buys food and drives three hours to bring it to her. I watch them run around like fking idiots trying to please this little snot! Oh yea...pissed is putting it lightly. He jumps right in after four months of her not speaking to him...I think her last text was I hope you remember what I look like cause you're never going to see me again. She also accused him of physical abuse--when she was the one attacking him...I could go on and on and on....bottom line...she's a spoiled jerk and my husband is a wussy with a P when it comes to her.

Lolly1220's picture

Submitted by Lolly1220 on Fri, 10/07/2016 - 11:07am

After reading Cherry nut jobs posts I feel pretty good about my role as a step parent. I stood my ground--spoke my mind--and have not played games. I am finding my happy place. Thank you sane people on this forum!!

Lolly1220's picture

Submitted by Lolly1220 on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 4:09pm

DH is sending her $200/mo towards her rent. The money does not come out of "our" money. I do not agree with this and have been biting my tongue. I've expressed how dysfunctional this is teaching her that she will be rewarded for her F-ed up behavior. Both DH & BM are saying (SD to BM to DH) that she wants to talk to me. To this I say--Has she apologized to you? Acknowledged that she physically attacked you and told lies to her "friends" about you AND disrespected our home? No but she feels really bad. I don't give a rats ass how she feels AND I do not--WILL NOT speak to her nor is she welcome in our home. I will move out before she ever steps foot in the door. DH-"Why do you hate my daughter?" ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME? Remember me?? I'm your "C" wife..
Assholes!!
Not my kid, NOT my problem

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 4:22pm

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy that DH evicted SS30 and cut him off financially before we even met. I could not respect a man who enabled a worthless loser.

DH manned up and made the decision not to enable SS long before he and I met. Well not that long - just a year or two - but long enough.

And my loser SS had never been rude or obnoxious to me - he just beats up on other people. If my DH ever uttered the "why do you hate my son" phrase I'd have to answer "Because you've made me aware of what an utter shit he has been to others."