Hello all.  This is my first ever attempt at seeking advice, so I might ramble a bit.  

I am a woman in my early 40s, married to man in his mid 50s.  We have been together for almost 20 years, and he has 2 children from his previous marriage.  His daughter is 29 and his son 25.  From the start I told these kids that I am not "stepmom", but just dad's wife.  The biomom was their primary caretaker, since DH and I lived abroad for many years during their childhood.  My relationship with both of them is cordial and comfortable, but they don't view me as a maternal figure in their lives.  

I have always wanted kids of my own, but DH had a vasectomy.  We had it reversed and tried IVF but it was unsuccessful.  I had always secrectly hoped that one of these kids would have a baby and let us raise it / be it's primary caretakers.  This is the closest I would ever be able to get to having kids of my own.  Since both of them are happily married, however, this seems unlikely to happen. It is also unlikely that I would be viewed as a grandma to any future grandbabies.  My husband would get to be a doting grandpa and I will just be "dad's wife".  

With both kids married it is likely that grandbabies will soon follow.  On the one hand I dread being excluded, and on the other I desperately want a chance to be a mother figure to someone.  I fully realise that this seems crazy.  I see what wonderful, close relationships DH has with his kids, and I long to experience this too.  

I guess I have regrets about how my life turned out, and need help either accepting this or changing it.

Thanks for reading.