Some people seem to strive on drama and stress.  I feel for you, been there, done that.  Since the SKs are all adults now, Im hoping they're all l launched, not living with you.  Can you two just back away, not breaking any relationships, but just wait for them?   In other words, I wouldnt call any of them, but wait for them to call.  If they start on a distressing topic, or want to rehash past "errors", can you say, "Good talking to you, gotta run" snd hang up?

I have 3 adult SKs, the boys aren't a problem, good relationship with one, more distant with the other.  My SD62 is my drama/stress queen, you never know what she's going to do or say, manipulation is her supreme talent.  I am civil and polite with her but dont seek her out or call her.  When she's here, I try to absent myself (bathroom run, housework, bill psying), anything to minimize having to talk with her more than necessary.  In other words, Gray Rock.

If your SKs try to angle for an invitation, can you be busy that day or week? With your DH feeling the same as you, you'll be able to step away more easily.

Whack-a-mole has a ton of similarities to the toxic in the blended family equation.

I am happy for you and DH that you have ended that mess.

DW and I ended it by pouring gas in the mole holes and incinerating them in their rodent holes.  Eventually, it hurt to much to expose their scorched flesh to the air so, they remained in their holes.

This gave us, DW, SS, and me, the opportunitty to make a strong family and live good lives.  

Keep your fuel can and torch handy in case they start the Whack-a-mole effort again.  Don't play their game, torch them.

Figuratively of course.

There are people in this world who can only exist if they're surrounded by a whirlwind of drama, anger, and chaos. That may be them and there is no rule or unsaid standard that says you have to keep stepping into that whirlwind. I'm glad you two are seeing it and stepping back out. 

Enjoy your calm and serenity!

It is wearing, to say the least. Stepping away/back from it is literally starting a new life. While there will likely be pokes and prods and issues that come up now and then, once you draw that line in the sand, life gets better. 

are so used to the drama.  They don't know , how to live life  without it.  You dint know ,what's it's like without drama.  I just hope DH can actually do this,  he has kids who will be trying to push him back into drama.  

if you read my blogs, your skids sound much like SD25 Feral Forger.

She just recently "released me" from any and all obligtion. She refered to me as a "whore". Ive been faithful to husband of about 5 years. Together over 10. She a total b1tch and I despise her. She calls husband "your just my sperm donor, your not my dad"...and then asks for $$$$$.

My condolences on your sainthood! BM sounds horrible...sad for your DH though.

I'm 19 years in. Made all the normal mistakes, tried too hard, expected them to appreciate that their dad was happy. What a waste of effort. And money.

DH chased them, reveled in the crumbs they threw his way. It nearly ruined us when chasing their crumbs was more important than being my partner. 

Today, it is total silence from SD and maybe a phone call every month or so from SS. DH doesn't know why. Supposedly there is a specific reason for SD's silence (but she won't tell him). But I believe that since he stopped chasing them the game just wasn't fun anymore.

I love the peace.