what you are describing is my life. when i got pregnant with our biodaughter (now 1 year), the world stopped. and only b/c they were all worried about what SS11 would think. i was crushed b/c i had to keep my pregnancy a secret until i was starting to show b/c no one had the balls to tell his majesty! then, after he was born, all eyes were on him to make sure he didn't feel left out. again, i felt like bits and pieces of my first time experience of being a mom was being violated.

now, when he comes and visits, i have feelings like you described. but, you have to fight it. you HAVE to. your skids are not to blame and are not evil.. they are just kids. who are caught in between two homes without a CLUE about how to act around you. they feel uncomfortable and out of sorts. when my SS11 started wiping his snot all over his bedroom furniture (actually, it's my furniture), i just about flipped after i just about puked. i thought...HOW DARE YOU? but...i had to remind myself...a kid. he's just a typical kid. you must exercise self control in your thoughts to a degree. enough to ensure your thoughts don't turn into cold and unkind behavior. i know this is hard. trust me. but the kids don't deserve the wrath of our resentment about the fact that our ex's screwed some other woman years ago and it didn't work out. i keep telling myself, my skid did not ASK to be born.

having said all that, your husband should tread very carefullya bout comparing his parenting experience with his kids with your first. it will steal from your experience as a couple and undermine your loyalty to your own flesh and blood. good luck.

ps. because my DH has TWO biological children, he doesn't want anymore. this pisses me off b/c now i must accept that i may only be a mom to one little girl who may or may NOT have siblings all b/c of her half brother 11 years older that couldn't give two shits if she existed or not. this is another sore point for me.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

Yeah, one pack of newborn size diapers. That's sounds about right. NOT! Does he not remember how ofter you have to change those diapers?! Methinks he'll be running to the store a lot!

Hang in there. Everything is magnified a zillion times when you're pregnant.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

No, it doesn't make you a horrible person. Have you always felt this way, or is it more likely hormones which are making things worse?

I think it's kind of setting yourself up for disappointment to wish for your little family unit of DH, you, and your child to exist independently of, and never interact with, your SKids. These are his children and as much as it may get on our nerves, we knew that they had kids when we got with them so we can't really just wish the kids away.

I know it can be difficult and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. But maybe you could try to communicate these things (not spending time with his kids on visitation, kids not having chores, etc.) with your husband and let him know how you feel?

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

it is very hard to separate the kids from the situation, esp when youve suffered in every way bc of it...the fact that yr DH has a kid to someone else, if that someone else is, in my case, a horrible ugly bitch who has caused u and the family so much trouble and pain, the feeling of never being first, never being alone w just him and your family, and on top of it all, the ridiculous cs. we are talking about getting married this yr but we cant afford to do it the way we want bc of cs...then we want a baby and i think, what will our baby have to do w/o bc of the cs? i know we wont be able to spend $700 a month on OUR kid. its hard to separate and not be resentful. but we have to. we have no choice. and its not the kids fault. although my SD is such a spoiled little cry baby and i have no patience for that and it doenst help! BUT we have to try bc these are our husbands kids.
im sure w u being preggers everything is so much more magnified. and thats natural. just focus on your baby and your new family w the man u love and remember that U are the one he wants and your baby is special bc he was made from that unbelievable love that u have.
and congratulations!

i dont know how old u are, but i will be 28 tomorrow, and it seems to be coming from the younger never-been-married ones. i know if i had a kid b4 him i would see things differently. i tell myself i havent even been doing this for a year so im still trying to figur ething sout. and BM has done TONS to make the situation so much worse than it has to be...so thats where alot of it comes from. and the CS is just killing me bc we are really struggling rite now. and we wouldnt be if we had that $$ each month.
hang in there...at least u see the lite at the end of the tunnel.

That is the magic number of diapers used within the first month of life. I was working in a daycare when I got pregnant (BS now 5y) and in one of my Lamaze classes (I think) they said I would go through about 200 diapers within the first month of life. I thought to myself "I work in daycare, I know the schedules".... Yep, it was right around 200. I knew that my child would have clothes to wear because he had grandparents and family. So when people would so kindly ask what we needed, I said "Diapers and Wipes".

I also feel a bit "jipped" about time with my baby. BS was born 5-12 and by 6-1, SS(7y then) was here for 8 weeks straight (minus about 2-3 weekends) and it was so hard being a new first time mommy struggling with breastfeeding and a loving big brother invading "MY TIME" to bond. I still get a bit sad by the loss I felt, but I'm grateful that Hubby finally gets to raise one of his kids.