Christmas: called the cops on BM and other drama

BM informed us five days ago that she intended to drop the boys off 3 hours late on Christmas. DH told her no. She extended the lateness to 4 hours. DH told her no again. She extended the lateness to 5 hours.

Christmas morning comes. Noon comes. No kids. So, DH spent about three hours talking to different police departments across the state trying to track his kids down and get someone to tell BM she had to bring the kids back.

We got them 3.5 hours late, but we got them.

So, they've spent the last 9 days with crazy a$$ BM, and are back to entitlement central.

They requested a chocolate cake before they left. I made it. Now, they say they don't like the frosting. They "already" have what we bought them for xmas or some variation of it. The movie they got for xmas is not the one they wanted. They don't want to watch the old superman; they've never seen it before, but they'd rather watch the new one we don't have. They don't want the amazing xmas dinner DH made; they'd rather go to Burger King. The pizza DH made for them today isn't right because it isn't a cheese-only pizza.

I am totally freaking fed up. These are entirely different kids than the ones we sent off with BM 9 days ago.

I told myself not to be dumb about this. I told myself not to have fantasies about an amazing "family" christmas where everyone is happy. But even knowing it was coming somehow did not prepare me for the whining, complaining, and nonsense.

What do you do to cope with this kind of behavior?

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What do you do to cope with

What do you do to cope with this kind of behavior?
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Take away what they got. Return it, give it to Goodwill, or put it away for a while. They don't get chocolate cake, or pizza, or amazing xmas dinner, they get a can of beans. Appreciate what you get, or you don't get a damn thing. Period. Gifts are a privilege and should be appreciated. I'm not a hardass about it, but if one of my kids/skids expresses disappointment in something I got for them, it gets taken away.

Hey there, HelpMeeee!!

I really like this idea. I

I really like this idea. I think next year we may try something like that. This year, both DH and I were DETERMINED to have a wonderful xmas no matter what, and I think we both let alot of stuff slide due to that preoccupation. But it will only continue, and probably get worse, if we act like it's not happening.

Nice. I bet your SS will not

Nice. I bet your SS will not make that mistake again. Sounds like you had a really amazing party planned. Maybe you can reschedule your broadway friend to come for YOUR birthday. }:)

Sorry to hear about the rabbit issue. The pet thing drives me crazy. The boys love our dog (the queen dork of all collies) and then they go away for a weekend and come back afraid of her and acting like she's rabid or something. She's never bit or growled at either of them, but their mom uses all two days of every other weekend convincing the kids that bugs are evil and that our collie is a hellhound.

I really don't see how anyone could hate a rabbit though. They're essentially harmless, and adorable. How odd.

Aahhhhh. The post visitation

Aahhhhh. The post visitation detox period. My SS19 suffered from this for his entire life. The behavioral degridation would start a week or so before visitation. He would start his pre SpermLand visitation degridation by getting quiet, surly and initiation of the baby talk and whining. This was nothing compared to the post visitation 3-6wk detox period.

I would suggest that you have a zero tolerance policy as the most effective way to deal with this crap. That is what we finally figured out worked the best for us.

His mom and I let him know in no uncertain terms that we would not tolerate either his pre-departure crap or the post visitation behavioral bullshit. This did not stop it but it put the onus and accoutability for addressing the behavior on him and it did reduce the duration of the bullshit significantly.

We found the key to be absolute enforcement of consequences when he pulled the visitation behavioral crap and we did not lose our temper. He knew the behavioral standards in his real world and we held him to those standards.

Give it a try. It will work and it will improve your Skid's behavior.

Good job having the cops hunt down the kidnapping BM. We had to do that a couple of times also.

Thanks for chiming in here,

Thanks for chiming in here, Rags. I really like what you're suggesting, and it seems absolutely correct. On an everyday basis, we are very strict with the kids and they respond amazingly well. When they first come back from their mom's house, they are usually a pain in the butt until they get in trouble. That first stint in time-out seems to turn them into different kids, though, and after that everything is great.

So, in regard to what you said, I think we were lenient because it was a holiday and we hadn't seen the kids in 9 days, and basically we set ourselves up for the nonsense by being too soft with them.

Sorry to hear you had to call the cops on SpermIdiot and his clan. It was such a drag for christmas morning, but I think it will pay off in the long run if and when we ever get a judge to take us seriously.

What happened as a consequence when you called the cops? Did it change the situation at all?

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