Don't know how to feel: DH's dad is staying with us and tried to avoid wedding.
So . . . there are alot of complicated factors, but I'm going to skip them.
DH's dad, who I had really liked and wanted to have a relationship with as a father in law, told us he wasn't going to attend our wedding last month.
He showed up at the last minute and moped the entire time. I'm still not entirely sure why. I am, however, pretty sure that he only attended because DH got on the phone and yelled at him.
Now, he is spending the weekend at our house to see SS5 and SS2 about a month and a half after attending the wedding he did not want to go to.
I feel like a hotel. I have no idea how to respond to this. I have gone out of my way over the last couple years to try to build a relationship with him, but over the last few months it's become clear that he is a BM sympathizer and apparently does not care that much about my relationship with DH.
Before the wedding, he would show up out of the blue and spend a week or a week and half at our apartment (which was only two bedrooms shared between 2 kids and 3 adults including him). It never bothered me because I thought that it was some sort of sign of solidarity for DH. Which was good, because the rest of DH's family had turned against him due to the "unsavory" divorce.
But then he tried to avoid our wedding. So what am I supposed to think? Are we a hotel? He stays at our house, plays with the boys, watches movies we rent because he is in town, eats the food we cook for him. Then he heads over to see DH's sister (who is also a BM sympathizer) and sometimes BM too. Then he comes back to sleep and drink at our place.
I am so freaking confused. I really truly believed my family was dysfunctional (and they are) but I have never encountered anything like this before.
Suggestions?
When he asked to come out this time, I really thought about saying no. I just didn't want to feel like shit all weekend. I told myself I could pull a "mind over bullshit" trick, but it is not working. I really truly feel like shit.
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Comments
If you're uncomfortable
If you're uncomfortable having him in your home, in the future make him stay in a hotel.
How does you DH feel about
How does you DH feel about the situation? My FDH's father is very anti-social and I've tried to make him feel welcome so that he could see his son and grandkids (whom he hardly knows). The last time he was here he chose to leave after two days (much to my relief) but FDH was really hurt by the gesture. Even tho I didn't want him here, it was so upsetting to see FDH hurt by his father's seeming rejection.
I guess my advice is to try to put your DH's feelings above your own if the visit is only for a short while.
DH is use to his family's odd
DH is use to his family's odd behaviors and says he only has contact with his parents so that his kids can have a relationship with their grandparents. I don't really understand the whole thing, but I never had a close relationship with my grandparents (he did) so there is probably an element to the situation that I have no way of understanding.
I am probably going to talk to DH again about this once his dad leaves. I just don't understand the whole thing. If I didn't want to have anything to do with my parents, I wouldn't let them interact with my kids. I really feel like I don't understand some key piece in this whole mess.
I think it is about time you
I think it is about time you instituted some boundaries around FIL's visits. It sounds like space is an issue in your house, so you could use this as a reason why his visits need to be only occasional and for not more than say 2 nights, or whatever you feel comfortable with. Maybe eventually you will understand what is going on, but for now what is clear is that you are not happy with the frequency and length of his visits, so this is what needs to be addressed.