It's become clear to me that I'm going to be a member of this site for a very long time. I've committed to life as a stepmom and I have no illusions about the fact that I will need advice (as well as a safe place to rant) for the next 18 years, if not longer. So, I guess this is the official start of my blog . . .

I'm twenty-six, working on a masters degree, and extremely new to the step-mom circus. I'm engaged to the most wonderful man on earth, which unfortunately means his crazy ex will be a part of my life for the next 16+ years. So here's the situation:

ss2 - cute as hell, extremely coordinated, and possibly the grumpiest kid on earth. BM favors ss2 and spoils him--gives him candy rather than discipline when he hits his brother--and the result is that he often passes for a tasmanian devil in pants. When he's good, he's AMAZING. When he's bad, it's thirty minute kicking, screaming melt down.

ss5 - also a great looking kid. Impossibly smart and well spoken for his age (everyone thinks he's a genius). He's usually pretty well behaved except when he's recently been at BM's, in which case he's the self appointed commander of the universe and feels comfortable issuing orders to the adults in his life. He has picky eater syndrome, but it transcends picky eating at this point as he often refuses even to eat his so-called favorites.

BM - as fate would have it, she's also a good looking individual. However, that's about as far as the positives go. She's a money-obsessed compulsive liar who also seems to be stalking us at the moment. She wants nothing to do with the kids but wants child support, so she stuffs them in daycare the majority of the time. Somehow, she's convinced she can get more child support money, and has therefore been lawyer hopping for the last year looking for someone who can get her increased CS without increased parental responsibility.

All in all, things are pretty rough right now. I love the kids and want the best for them, but BM is turning them into crazy people. While she is acknowledged as the CP, we have them the majority of the time, and I feel like most of that is spent doing damage control for her bad parenting.

They are PAS-lings in progress, and as much as I want to believe she will fail in alienating them from us, sometimes when I look at the kids I'm convinced they will hate FDH and I both in a couple years. I know that's no excuse not to do the best we possibly can, but it's sort of a sad start.

Thanks everyone. This community is a life-saver.

Hedge