Introduction
Good Morning,
Brief introduction: BM of 2 grown kids- both in college. My DH (married x 1.5 yrs been together 5yrs)has four children (all teenagers).
After years of his kids running hot and cold, I finally disengaged last evening. Told my DH that I was no longer claiming his children as any form of relation of mine that I quite simply was only his wife and would no longer accept any responsibility for any of his kids. DH says he understands but that my disengagement will strain our marriage. Today he is contemplating the last sentence I spoke to him last night:
'That is the main problem, the kids should not be in our marriage: They are a separate entity.'
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Comments
Unfortunately telling him was
Unfortunately telling him was a necessity. Since it was expected that I would be happy to wake up two hours early this morning to deal with them getting ready for school then driving them to their mothers as that is where the bus stop is.
Yesterday's events with his children were the straw that broke this camel's back. All four wanted yearbooks DH initially told them no, I talked him into a yes and ordered and paid for them. We never told his kids. When yearbooks were passed out they were each surprised to get one and came home to thank Daddy. DH advised them I purchased the books for them to thank me. Their response? Oh. Not a single one could choke out a thank you. But within an hour they could ask me to drive them somewhere, and the next time your at the store I need.
I advised all of his kids last evening their free ride was over. Anything you want, talk to your father. No, I am not driving you anywhere, not shopping for you, not planning my life around your schedules any longer and by the way consider the bank of step mom closed. I meant it. This morning DH got to call his work and advise he would be late so he could drive them to the bus stop because I will not. Kids are old enough, it is not that far from our place to their moms and they have bicycles. God knows they can use the excercise. After today, it is DH and BM's issue to arrange transportation, I am out of the equation.
Already has made me feel
Already has made me feel better. DH and his XW created these monsters, they can deal with them. I already received one text message this morning from the 17 yo which summarized said 'if I tell you I am sorry about last night will you pick me up from dance practice at 430"
No.
"I'm not sorry for the way I
"I'm not sorry for the way I acted. However, if saying I am sorry will get me a ride home, then I will say it."
I could understand if the
I could understand if the kids wanted their father to be behind the surprise. I can even understand a sense of disappointment as well. These kids however do have manners. They can manage to use them for anyone and everyone except myself. I was not/am not expecting an over the top show of gratitude, merely a "hey thanks" would have worked.
It is not "Can you please pick me up from school at 4 I have practice." it is "you need to be at my school at 4".
I am not their parent. I completely understand that. I am not asking to be treated as a parent, merely with courtesy and respect within my home. Since they can not bring themselves to do that they need to understand is the following:
I am not your taxi driver.
I am not your personal assistant who does your shopping for you.
I am not your maid
I am not your alarm clock
I am not your ATM
To the teenagers in the house- My cars are just that. Mine. Yes they are all in my name, you will not be driving them, I am not a rental car agency. Get a job. Buy your own.
To the girls in the house- my make-up, accessories, clothing, shoes, hair styling supplies are mine. You may not borrow them. Alert your father to what you need him to get you. (And good luck. Last time I sent him out for hair spray he came home with dry shampoo.)
I am not an adult in your life that will give you permission to do anything: go ask your father. If he is not home, wait until he gets home then ask him.
Normally he does make them.
Normally he does make them. Last night he did not. Their behavior lit my fuse, his ignoring the behavior had the fuse burning faster then when they started with the 'I want, I need, Get me' I lost it.
I was in this exact situation
I was in this exact situation until last week. I shut down the taxi service and the bank also. Life has been much more peaceful since. Now i'm just counting downthe days until ss18 leaves!