The holidays are here - time for the all BMs to show their true colors!
I knew it wouldn't last. Our BM has been oddly civil and cooperative since she gave birth to her new baby last month. I chalked it up to exhaustion. She has been more than willing to give us a few extra days here and there (where previously, it was like pulling teeth to get SS3 to even talk on the phone to DH) and that didn't surprise DH and I one bit. Newborns are exhausting. 3YOs are exhausting. I can't imagine anyone with a new baby who wouldn't give their toddler's father the few extra days a month he has been begging for just to get a few moments of peace and quiet to yourself!
We had a court-ordered visitation schedule made and it worked well, up until recently. It clearly states that Thanksgiving is our holiday. It also clearly states that holiday schedules take precedence over regularly scheduled weekend visits. BM has it in her head that since Thanksgiving falls on her weekend, the holiday schedule doesn't mean anything. We attempted to negotiate this with her by saying, "fine, take Thanksgiving. Let us take little buddy to Disney World on December and you can have him on Thanksgiving AND Christmas!" She then proceeded to cough up some contrived excuse about not being able to miss daycare without a note. DAYCARE! I'm willing to bet that if SS3 knew he was missing a chance to go to Disney World to hang out in some crappy daycare, he'd be insanely pissed off. She also adds that she wouldn't let him go anyways because "she's never been away from him for that long!" Cry me a river. When she found out DH and I were dating, she cut off all communication between he and SS3. (They did not previously have a court order of any sort, so this made it necessary for DH to get ordered visitation.)
We are obviously going to have to wave papers in her face for the millionth time to see SS3 for a holiday that is rightfully ours. I know we can't have the vacation since she won't permit it (unfortunately, she knows this), so once again we bite our tongues and take the scraps she leaves for us. This is such a pain in the ass.
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Keep right on documenting her
Keep right on documenting her behavior. Keep & print off every email and text. If things get really bad, ask your lawyer if you can record her phone calls. Also, see if you can get time for vacations covered in the court order.
Trust me, we will be. I'd
Trust me, we will be.
I'd hate to think of what SS3 will think of all this mess later on down the road. He lives out of state, so DH and I don't see him very often. I hope he doesn't feel like his dad isn't trying to be in his life when, in fact, he's tried everything in his power to have more (ahem, any) time with him since BM moved.
We have been through a custody hearing of which I'll spare you the details, but we only came out with a decent amount of allotted parenting time. This was not at all the full custody we would have preferred, but DH and I were completely aware that in that particular court of law, it is damn near impossible for fathers to gain custody of their children unless the mother routinely abuses drugs or beats the kids black and blue. We had a strong case but BM is a psychological mess and a lazy parent, not an abusive meth junkie. Long story short, our visitation schedule doesn't mean squat to her. Facilitating a relationship between father and son is unimportant to her, because it does not benefit her in any way. This is the same thing that happened to DH as a child and he reached his late teens before he realized that his dad had always, always tried to be part of his life but his mother made sure to stand in the way.
I'm really sad for SS3. He's a little boy, not a source of income or a tool to use to piss off the people you're angry with. I hope he later understands that his dad and SM never wanted this for him.
Oh I Know! Frustrating as
Oh I Know!
Frustrating as hell. What do you do. What is it about the holidays that makes BMs act so crazy