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Mally's picture

Submitted by Mally on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 3:17pm

Yes HI! Very new to this here but this site has to be perfect for me. I am a step mother for three years now. I am very attached to my children. yes they are mine. We have custody of them and they visit there mother in the summer. Usually they come back skinny, and behaving horrible. We always get them back to being themselves good healthy kids. I hate their mother because she just doesnt really truly seem to care. She goes months without talking to them. She sends 5 dollars in a birthday card and so on. Its pathetic oh yeah did i mention she does not pay child support. YEah. It was really hard on me when we first got together but now I am attached to these kids. I am jelouse of their mother because she does nothing for them and gets credit for being mom. I work my but off and get nothing. Jelousy sucks and I am guilty. I am sure some one else feels this way.I am the primary Financial support for the kids and guess who is there for every game for every school function and helping them with their home work ME. who is kissing boo boos and tucking them in at night ME. not some BM who doesnt care. who thinks motherhood is about giving birth. NO Its action baby and I haven't seen that from you BIATCH. ugh.. i just hate her.

Comments

WowjustWow's picture

Submitted by WowjustWow on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 3:22pm

Welcome to the club of SM's with crappy BM's in their lives.

Glad to have you here. Hope this is a place for you to find advice and let it out when you feel like you are going to explode.

Colorado Girl's picture

Submitted by Colorado Girl on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 3:37pm

seems to be your overwhelming emotion... not jealousy. You aren't jealous of the title "mom" because you are living the very life that a real mom lives. You're mad that you're doing the bulk of the work and not getting any credit.

That's normal. For any parent who isn't feeling appreciated. Don't fall into the trap of seeing the love they have for her as taking away from you. It doesn't. Your stepchildren will have a very rough time with this mom who obviously cares very little for them. The best gift you can ever bestow upon them is your unconditional love and show them the path of forgiveness... not resentment.

You can't control their mom. You can only control you. You can only show them what a mother is supposed to be, and do it free and clear of any expectation of being recognized. Do it because you love them and they deserve to be loved. You can't replace their mom, it's just a simple fact that can't be denied. You are an addition to their life, not a replacement. Accepting that she is always going to be an influence - good or bad - is just part of the deal.

You are the parent who chose to be in their life. Their mom chose not to be. The facts are what we all see and they'll get it one day too. I promise.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

Mally's picture

Submitted by Mally on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 4:41pm

Thank Colorado Girl Its true. but you know there is always those times where I wanna push her off a cliff. My Stepson is 6 and I have been in his life more than her. he still has to go there every summer and he gets scared. its horrifying. It didn't start out like that. My Stepdaughter age 9 used to do things to make me Jelous or so she thought. like hug on her dad and things like that It never bothered me so she stopped. I guess I am pretty lucky that I don't have to deal with that from the kids.

Abigail's picture

Submitted by Abigail on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 9:06pm

You sounds like a great Mom. Yes, mom. Sorry their BM is such a loser. It must be hard to see them hurt by her like that.

The skids will totally appreciate you when they are grown. I wish I had a chance with my skids. I would be into it if they were nice like yours.

Mally's picture

Submitted by Mally on Fri, 07/03/2009 - 12:22pm

The first two years me and DH were together the kids were very rotten but they were confused. They don't really understand that there mother gave up on them. So it was a constant compition on who was better me or her. We i had my son last year things started to change. We became a family togther rather than his kids and my kids. I guess I am lucky but its very difficult having them leave every summer and I think someday they are going to resent that. but thank you very much for that comment its nice to hear that. The frustration gets the best of us sometime but sooner or later there is a reward even though It might take 20 years. My sdad and mom got married when I was 5 and I hated him until now, cause it all make sense now. lol. Step Parents are a different bread all together. We have to fight harder and deal with tougher things than Biological parents do. In the end your still a parent.