I feel like the worst person in the world because the paternity test results just came back and I am disappointed that SD is, in fact, SO’s biological daughter. Even he was pretty sure he wasn’t the father. So what kind of person am I that I find it to be bad news?

I think I’m going to break up with a really nice guy who I love very much and who treats me very well (other than being fairly clueless and clumsy about feelings and communication) because of one 60 pound six-year-old. She doesn’t even live with us. The details of what she does are pretty much the usual around here: whiny, manipulative, complaining, disrespectful, demanding, etc. What is wrong with me? Why can I not be a big enough person to put up with 48 hours a week with her? I am the adult here, can I not suck it up?

A couple months ago, SO finally realized that making his children his first priority did not mean spoiling them or letting them have their way over any unreasonable thing. We did agree that while we each had a primary responsibility to the health and well-being of our respective children, our relationship needed to be a priority as well. Does this sound selfish? Please be honest. So in light of this, is wanting some weekend time with SO selfish? Again, please be honest. Yes, we see each other during the week, but it’s for a rotten couple of hours a day where we are both frazzled or busy with work or household things.

Additionally, SD does not want to be around me and has stated she doesn’t like our home, so I’m afraid it falls into the category of her well-being for him to move out so she is not subjected to the rest of us and our home. I know it wouldn’t hurt my well-being and my kids’ well-being not to be around her. We all (meaning myself and my 2 kids) love SO, but it feels like our whole lives revolve around SD and her BM. There is an older SS, who is too teenaged and busy to come over very often, but we all like it when he is around.

I never ask SO to choose between time with her and time with me and wouldn’t consider asking him not to be with her. Still, even though it’s unspoken, he knows he’s stuck between us. I feel bad, and very small, for causing him to be in that situation. After the last few weekends, it’s clear we can’t all do things together.

I’ve tried disengaging, and was about to try it again, but I resent being forced to either leave my own home or have SO and SD go somewhere and I can’t see SO all weekend.

Ugh, I’m disgusted with myself, but so disheartened at the thought of spending the next 10-12 years like this. Plus, asking SO to leave would literally crush him.