Never Cease to Amaze BM's
I am so glad to find this site! I have a SS10 and SS7 and an amazing husband. The only downfall is the BM. It is amazing that most SM's have the same type of person to deal with in a BM. I can't believe the courts and CSS can't see this! Ours is a story of her withholding the kids from DH and then being pissed off when he moved to my city and saying he "left his family". BS. She has gotten his wages garnished, threatened to look into my wages to see how we are hiding money, pays a 15 year old girl (I guess this year she is 16) a flat rate (whether she works or not) babysitting to watch the kids of $450/mo (these kids are in school for crying out loud!!! how much babysitting do they need???), lies, has stolen the children and not returned them when she was supposed to, stolen money (right now she owes us back in excess of $2000 and we are told she can't afford it, and it is too little to go to court over yet she can still take the additional garnishment from my husband that is overpayment and she knows it), we have a CSS worker that talks to DH the same as the BM, and the list continues, as you all know and can imagine.
I guess I wanted to say thanks to whomever was the starter of this site and it is so nice as a SM to have a place to go where I know this is real and we are not the only ones experiencing this crazy plight.
I just wish they had a better force for deadbeat moms and fighting for father's rights...oh yeah, I forgot, BM's don't have to work as much or as hard so they have all this extra time on their hands, while DH's have to keep working for their Child Support (which should be called ex spouse support).
Thanks, everyone, for a place to go and reading my ramble!
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I have a crazy BM that I have
I have a crazy BM that I have to deal with as well. I think most of us on this site have a story of our own. It amazes me everytime I read someone's post just how similar our stories are and just how creative a crazy BM can be sometimes. I hope someday it'll stop. Wishful thinking, I know. But a girl can dream.
As far as the child support thing goes, how is she able to keep getting more in child support? Is she making less and less money wise? I can't even get my ex to pay his child support and I have our daughter 100% of the time and pay for everything, insurance, cloths, food, bills, school supplies, doctors visits, dental visits and that's with a CO in place. He only has suporvised visitation until he gets help with his addiction problem. You may want to look into how your state handles the child support percentage that's paid.
This is a great place to come to vent and also help offer advise to the other SM's who frequent this site.
Welcome, and good luck.
I am with you sister. This
I am with you sister. This site has saved my relationship. I have the most amazing man in my life but his ex is over the top in the crazy department.
His kids are great but his ex is unbelievable. She hurts her own children, she with holds the kids and tell them their dad doesn't want them. Can you imagine telling a child that they are not wanted. The stunts she pulls amazes me. My BF has never been late on a child support payment in 5 yrs. But she tells them he doesn't pay. She is evil. They go to court tomorrow, I pray that things go well.
I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life dealing with Bm. But now I have people who have and are walking in my shoes to give me support and much needed advice.
Bm has been texting and calling me for 2 yrs. Spewing evil, and lies, calling me everything in the book. I have only met her 2 times and we didn't speak, we saw each other from a distance.
I had not once responded to any of her craziness. But this week I took matters into my own hands and sent her this text
xxxx, I agree with everything xxxx does concerning xxx and xxxxx.
I dont care what you think.
I am xxxx's partner.
stop texting me.
I am having your # blocked.
and I did. I don't know why I didn't do it before. My phone will not be going off 30-50 times a day now. I feel like a weight has been lifted.
Like you I am so happy I found this site!!
This site is very
This site is very interesting. I like to think I was a sane SM and a sane BM. However, I have to deal with a crazy SM now that I divorced. Lessons learned: never talk to anyone that makes you crazy - especially someone you don't have to. Trust me, there is never a reason to talk.
Leave communication to BF and he should only communicate on issues regarding health, schooling and transportation if that proves to be a problem. Everything else is just nonsense you don't need. It's not always necessary to have the last word though as tempting as the kiss off text you sent might be, you would have served those children better by typing "Stop texting me." and leaving out any extraneous detail. The whole I am "xxxx" partner wasn't necessary, right? I mean think of it like Frankenstein. No....text....Call...blocked. DONE. When you show emotion, you encourage the behavior because she gets the rise and you give her one back. Kids don't need this.
I thought she did a good job.
I thought she did a good job. What she sent was much less confrontational than it could have been. I really didn't think it was very emotional at all, IMO.
True. Believe me, I know how
True. Believe me, I know how hard it is and I certainly don't follow that advice myself all of the time. I just know what I SHOULD do and what we should strive for. Don't give an angry person any excuse to engage that's all I'm saying. One of the best things I've ever learned was that Love is not the opposite of Hate. It's Indifference. Indifference is the only way to show they don't effect you. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Gotta tell myself that every day (unless of course it's legally actionable.)
Yeah I think most of us would
Yeah I think most of us would love to leave communication up to the bio parents but sometimes we are dragged into it such as the example given. Frankly if it were me and the BM in our life was on the opposite end, I would not have been nearly as kind. Trust me most SM's dont care to associate with the other parent at all, but sometimes when the BM THINK she is stil running the show we have to step in. Her text was totally appropriate. IMO
Whateva
Sorry - I meant that HATE
Sorry - I meant that HATE isn't the opposite of LOVE! HATE shows you care. Ignoring show you couldn't give a rats pattooty.
As I sit and watch BM drain
As I sit and watch BM drain our bank account just to piss in her kids face, makes me mad. You would think by paying all that money you would be entitled to get a few things in return.....like the comfort of knowing your child was being sent to school everyday, that the kid is not smoking dope every day, that groceries were bought at least once a week.....but NO on all three counts.
It was nice to let BM know EXACTLY how I felt about her after 10 years of her BS. So tired of watching DH having to deal with her insanity and lack of intelligence. When it comes to me, she is completely irrational.
As much as they irritate us and do things to make us mad, we have to continue to maintain our composure and it gets frikin OLD! I have to completely pretend she doesn't exist along with her kids, cheech and chong. Cheech is the ss20 and Chong is ss17. Blah BLah Blah!
But I'm with yall on it. Opposite of love: indifference. I would agree that hate serves to show us that we want things to be better and that we wished the sitation was better.
I agree that hate shows you
I agree that hate shows you care. It is so hard to remember that and keep it at the front. My DH is staying 10 minutes from his kids this week and is able to pick them up from school one night. Luckily, this weekend is ours and he will get them Friday immediately after school and bring them home. It is difficult to maintain support for the BM (as that is what is good for the kids) when they ask why Dad doesn't get more time and not trusting BM's new BF. We continually tell them they have love in their hearts and they need to love everyone. We have met BF and he is a good man whether he wants the kids or not (he is 50, no kids, and doesn't want kids...he is ready to be a grandparent, not parent). As far as the time with their dad, they know their mom has withheld them and we tell them they will have a choice and whether they choose to live with us or with her, it will be their choice in a few years. Then she turns around and attacks my DH because "it makes SS10 feel bad". Also, while he is there she is attacking him that she talked to the kids and they agreed on the one night with him, but the kids cried because the would miss her. Amazing thing is...there is a whole other part of this story she neglected to divulge. The kids have NEVER told us they miss their mom, want to see her, want to talk to her, etc. and they are telling her they want to see their dad. I guess there are worse things...BM is not a huge partier, she has a bedtime for the kids (albeit early because she has to work early), we are more upset that in 4th grade my SS10 is passing up his BM for education and intellect and that they do nothing but watch TV, play video games, and have no real interaction with family or people which means their interactions get more and more inappropriate and their manners are gone out the window. We work hard in the time we have and I have to believe that that time is what will make a difference when they get older and have to join society. BM is making the kids feel bad, too, as she tells them their dad left them, makes them feel bad for having my family (grandmothers/fathers, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc) and for loving me. I feel so bad for them to have to feel guilty all the time for loving. We try to maintain the higher ground, NEVER talk bad about BM, and, in return, they are expressing things to us that she will never hear without grilling them. Also, the boys are highly adaptable to their environments and are one way with her and behave with us! I guess that is a step in the right direction!!
Thanks for all your support. I am so glad (maybe I should reword as I am not glad anyone else should suffer this hell_) to have people that are understanding. I think this will help my marriage, sanity, and family life!