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what are we called ?

MareeN's picture

Submitted by MareeN on Sun, 04/01/2012 - 8:25pm

can anyone tell me what are you called if your not the step mother or parent, not the babysitter for both parents and child or children

what is the label for us, the bag? that carries the baggage ? i felt really hurt when my sk said she hated me and im not her mother after all these years i felt like NOTHING TO ALL OF THEM, THE 10 YEARS IVE PUT IN TO HELP THEM GUIDE THEM THREW LIFE AND WAS SPLATTED IN MY FACE LIKE THAT,
i was more upset that that happen i was more broken then, when my dad left this earth 7months ago no one can take on the pain that the step parent take on whether its from the kids, the ex partners,family, friends and no one leads a different way to help you they are to busy back biting you and they way your life is as we look for new solutions to guide the family in the right way

Comments

Mom2TwinsnTeens's picture

Submitted by Mom2TwinsnTeens on Sun, 04/01/2012 - 8:58pm

I don't know how old your sk is , but when I was a teen I told my mom I hated her all the time. I think it hurts more as a stepmom because we don't have to love them, or do things for them but we do anyway

MareeN's picture

Submitted by MareeN on Mon, 04/02/2012 - 6:27am

The sk i have elderest girl is 18 in a week time and is flatting, the other girl is 15 and a 12 year old son and i have two sons too the bd but it the 15 yr im getting the flack from im really surpised as ive known these kids for 5yrs but in the last few months they all have been making life harder when there bd not around , its only jus started ive had my ups and dwns , im surpised really surpised the way she is acting up, it hurts to see all that hard work u have gone out the window to hear ur not the mother i hate you u bi... Dont f...cking come near me
How do people like us disciple them.

sonja's picture

Submitted by sonja on Sun, 04/01/2012 - 9:33pm

Understandable if that works for you, but Im so sick of having his 'first family', SD and BM be the center of all of his stories. Why must EVERYONE know that he has an ex and another kid.. WHO CARES!

We have plans to be married soon, and he better get used to telling people about his wife and his son. SD doesnt need to be mentioned to everyone on the planet. BM DEFINITELY doesnt need to be mentioned!!

I'm not 2nd this and 2nd best!

capt_lou's picture

Submitted by capt_lou on Mon, 04/02/2012 - 7:56am

Personally I don't like to call SO's kids my step kids, or be called a step parent. The word parent in that title implies that I had something to do with raising them. It also implies that I am responsible for them.

Neither of the above statements are true. I do not want them associated to me in any sense of the word.

kitty1470's picture

Submitted by kitty1470 on Mon, 04/02/2012 - 2:33pm

I agree, I just call myself my BF's GF..thats it. I do not like to be called a step parent either because it makes it sound like I help raise them and take care of them which I do not! I take absolutely no responsibility towards his kids at all. I do not want to be the one to put a ton of money towards them and give up things for myself only to have them turn around and call me a bitch and want nothing to do with me. Sorry but not making sacrifices for those kids.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/03/2012 - 6:37am

Fortunately I am not my wife's second husband though neither am I my son's (SS's) biodad.

I am his dad none the less and in fact far more so than his actual spuge donor.

My wife is however my second wife. I have no BKs so my incredible wife is not burdened by any baggage from my first marriage. Occassionally though very rarely a story will come about about my first marriage.

Several of OUR friends were my friends when I was married the first time and of course my family was in the picture then. My parents and younger brother were obviously around during my first marriage.

I do not consider my bride to be my second wife. She is the only true wife and partner that I have ever had.

In my case the first set of papers were entirely a test run and subject to a complete and very successful do over.

My wife is definately my do over. I am proud that I have been a dedicated husband, etc... to her and she a dedicated wife, partner, best friend and lover to me.

Sure, I was married before. Sure she had a child with an idiot. So what. Those people have nothing more than our pasts. We are each other's present and future.

The same applies all of us I think.

Don't let Skids, XW/BMs or XH/BioDads distract from you amazing present and future with your spouse.

I don't.

We are all at least in part the product of our pasts. Our pasts and experiences make us the people that our spouses loved enough to marry and the same applies to them and their experiences.

I would not change a think about my wife or her past. I would not risk losing the amazing woman that she is.