Honey, I completely feel for you. We are going through the exact same thing right now (check out my blog). Sometimes teenagers can be malicious. Thankfully CPS is usually (except in our case) pretty good at weeding out the bullshit. Some friendly advice, start writing down everything you can remember about the "event" in question, seek out a lawyer that specializes in dealing with CPS and with these kinds of allegations, and if your SS has been in therapy or anything like that, have your BF consult his therapists and see if they will be willing to write letters on your behalf. Best of luck and hope this all gets settled quickly and with minimal damage.

I've been through this and I too would have had negative career consequences.

Relax, deep breathes. Just because they make the accusation, doesn't mean the authorities are going to believe it. They have seen these sort of BM/SM abuse allegations before.

If you are investigated, just answer truthfully and avoid spewing about BM.

Thinking of you

First off... (((((hugs))))) b/c you sure sound like you need them.

I had to go back to read your first blog entry to get an idea of what is going on and this is my take on it, for what's it's worth...

The BM is looking for more cash (CS) and appears to be using this issue of 'mental' abuse to ensure that she scares both you and your SO sufficiently enough, that you'll back down and give her what she wants.

Breathe....

Do you know how difficult it is to actually prove 'mental' abuse???

Hun, one cuss word does not support an abuse claim. Taking away his internet and xbox is not abuse. Instead of letting these two manipulators get you in to this frenzy, stop for a minute and really think.... who is really being abused here??? YOU! And the proof is in the text that BM sent to your SO (dear Lord, save ANY and ALL correspondence with that beast.) As a matter of fact, since she has proven to be so difficult, tell your SO to go low contact with her from this point forward. Any discussions are done via text or email. (Make sure you save EVERYTHING.)

I realize that your teaching credentials are important as well they should be but, how many people know you, who will say, "Her, abusive? No way!" I'm sure all.

Breathe....

If you are stuck with that kid living with you, get his manipulative little a$$ in to therapy NOW. Better if all 3 of you go but, he should have his own therapist. Once you get professionals involved, it shows that you are a responsible and caring STBSM. Abusers seldom get therapy.

Let the BM wail all she wants about this and that... it's all just white noise. She's blowing smoke up your a$$, hoping she'll get you all riled up. It's working isn't it? Do NOT give her that power over you.

Breathe....

If you get stuck with SS, might be a good idea to install a few hidden cameras to show what's really going on when he's there. Also helps to disprove any abuse allegations.

What is your SO saying about all of this??

Blessings to you and remember, breathe!

Yes please dont worry about this for a second. I think they would actually laugh at her if she reported this to Department of Childrens Services (if they didnt LOL they'd at least snicker behind her back). Saying the word Fuck is not abuse. If it was, do you know how many child abusers there are out there? No way the DCS workers could keep up with that. This is not a reportable offense-at all. If she did report it I seriuosly seriously doubt they'd even investigate. If they did it would never be substantiated. Seriously. I am a therapist and work pretty closely with DCS. They have babies dying they dont have time for this shit (excuse my language didnt mean to be abusive)

I have btdt. My bm accused me of being abusive for years. I have been accused of all sorts of crazy ass shit. I think one of my faves was that I supposedly locked my ss in his room when he was about 8 or so, wouldnt let him come out to use the bathroom, so he shit his pants and me and my kids sat out in the living room watching movies and laughing at him. WOW. My ss admitted telling her that one and in fact looked me straight in the eye and acted like it was the gospel truth. As he has grown older he has admitted that he made up many stories about me to gain sympathy from bm and that he told them so often that he himself just started to believe them. He says he knows they are not true; however, he just feels like they are so consequently he doesnt like me.

When he was about 8 he threw someting down one of the vents in his room. I took the cover off and had him stick his hand down and retrieve it-my hand was too big to even fit down there-when he did so he scratched his arm on something down there and it left a long, but very shallow scratch on his arm. He didnt make a big deal out of it. However it did scab a little and he picked at the scab. In fact he picked at the scab daily for several days. After this it looked much worse. He was actually picking and digging at it and it made it much deeper and raw looking. I saw it one day and told him it was looking really bad and he really needed to stop picking on it so it could heal and he told me "yeah, that's where you grabbed my arm the other day and scratched me". I was like, "excuse me?" and he repeated that I had grabbed him and scratched him. I reminded him that he stuck it down the vent and scratched himself and told him if ever told another lie like that he would spend the rest of his life regretting it. After that day, I never laid another finger on him. At all. I didnt grab his shoulder to direct him anywhere, I didnt take his hand and lead him to another room, I certainly did not spank him, slap him-etc I adopted a complete hands off policy in order to protect myself.

I too was worried about my job and also how an abuse allegation would affect my other kids. but he either never told anyone or they either didnt believe him. BM has since, just a couple of years ago, apologized and said that she now realizes I didnt do anything to ss, that all the problems were not my fault, but ss's. He did end up moving out at 9 ( he was going anyway due to my dh's deployment but ended up going early after taking my panties and showing his classmate)-have I forgiven him? For the above, yeah, I'd say I got over that. I still have a hands off policy, and acually a fairly discipline free policy. All I will ever do is send him to his room until his dad is available if he is giving me a hard time. He's actually done much worse to me and mine, so forgiving him for all these stories wasnt all that hard-I havent forgiven him for some of the other stuff he did and likely never will as he is not even acutally sorry. It's really hard to wipe the slate clean and start over when someone has wronged you but is unwilling to take responibility and has no remorse for it. I think for your sanity, he needs to be out of the home-he sounds alot like my ss-with the manipulation. He is reprimanded for saying anything bad about bm at our house-we used to believe his lies but the last few years he jsut gets told not to talk about his mother disrespectfully or sometimes when he says something about her-I'll just say, "Oh, I'll ask her about that" and that tends to shut him up real quick. It felt a little awkward sticking up for her at first-and it was me not dh-but it seemed to work fairly quickly to shut him down. He'd say, bm got so mad at me that she threw xyz at me. I'd say why was she mad and he'd come up with something and I'd just reply with "wow, I'd be mad if you did that here too".

Again, I dont think you have to worry about an investigation or consequences-but this is a huge breach of trust and it is hard to live with someone that you feel is putting you at risk especially since the bm is being completely unreasonable at this time.

I'd hook up with a lawyer so fast for perjury and take her to court.

You need to turn the table and have her sweating it out.

Find out who the nastiest meanest SOB attorney is your town is.

Go to him, tell him what was said, and let BM know she better shut up and never, ever, never attempt that again!

File for perjury AND defamation!