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Is It PAS or Just Sh!tty Parenting

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Tue, 07/05/2016 - 10:52am

I read the articles provided by Salem's Lot the other day and it got me thinking:

So how does a GAL/Judge/Whoever figure out the difference between a kid disrespecting one of his parents because he was allowed to versus disrespecting a parent because the other parent encourages it. SS4 doesn't talk to me and definitely not to DH the way he talks to BM. She's raised him to think he is her equal/mini husband/best friend and allowed him to rule the house. FastForward to the opinionated and defiant years of a four year old and she can no longer coax or control him. BM blames PAS. We don't bad mouth BM in front of SS or even really talk about her unless he brings her up or something that's going on that he wants to talk about. We don't let him disrespect her in front of us although BM notices he switched back to Good kid mode when we are around.

Comments

Salems Lot's picture

Submitted by Salems Lot on Tue, 07/05/2016 - 11:36am

^^^This is a perfect example of a parent alienating a child from another parent.

I have many examples just like this, different scene of events but BM's involvement and the out come are identical!

Salems Lot's picture

Submitted by Salems Lot on Tue, 07/05/2016 - 11:25am

At 4 years old and the way you describe how BM raised him, it's shitty parenting on her part.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Tue, 07/05/2016 - 1:37pm

SS4 lives with us primarily. It's equal sharing only in the Summer. DH has no intent on taking anymore of BMs time (she gets weekends) unless there's a serious issues. Don't get me wrong, we'd love to have a weekend so we can go do fun stuff instead of just the responsible things with him but we usually see him Saturday for a few hours for ECs so really SS4 needs the rest of the weekend to spend with his brother and mom.

robin333's picture

Submitted by robin333 on Tue, 07/05/2016 - 11:50am

Sounds like SS is meeting expectations of both households. Too bad for BM that she has set that at the friend level.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Tue, 07/05/2016 - 1:31pm

Me and DH often say it's sad that she will never see him the way we see him because he really is a well behaved kid. Him on his worst day with us is an average day for her.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Tue, 07/05/2016 - 1:29pm

I agree it's the parenting because I know we've done nothing wrong, but how will a GAL or child advocate know? BM will act like the Facebook mom she is if she's ever interviewed so do they have tests? Standards? Ways to navigate the differences? If we're ever to get into a situation where a Gal/whatever had to experience SS in both home settings he will be able to tell that SS behaves extremely different. It seems like all she has to do it throw the blame onto DH and the only thing we can use to prove otherwise is documenting other instances to prove that's just the way she raised him.

Salems Lot's picture

Submitted by Salems Lot on Tue, 07/05/2016 - 2:22pm

A PASed child will turn completely against the alienated parent and completely support the alienator. The way the kids talk about or treat one compared to the other... in your case SS4 would have to truly reject his mother and believe she is all bad and believe that his dad is all good and may parrot things that his dad said about his BM using words and sentence structure that a child would not normally use.
Simply being opinionated and defiant with his mom will not make GAL/whom ever believe he is PAS'd. That's a behavior problem and they will know that.

�

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't.

Narcissist (n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil a$$hole with no soul.

Salems Lot's picture

Submitted by Salems Lot on Tue, 07/05/2016 - 2:23pm

dup

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Tue, 07/05/2016 - 8:05pm

Sorry I was feeding/bathing my little dumpling and cleaning my house. Ha. There is no court date but I ask because on my social media account I advocate for PAS Awareness regularly and post/share articles and quotes as well as other people's posts about narcissist and how they deal with them. BM apparently found my account (it doesn't have my name) and has started responding saying "this is what he does to me" and "you teach him to disrespect me so he'll turn on me..." Etc and is now crying PA like she knows anything about it. So it brought me to question if she can claim it and use his "natural" bad behavior as an example of PA or could the Gal/whoever see through the difference.