What is going on here in the last few days?!
I don't think I've seen this much arguing on this site, ever! Whats going on?! I read at least 4 vicious arguements in the last 2 days alone!
Anyways, I wanted to update my blog "BS5 is mean to DH" for those who read it...
Its been a few weeks and the relationship between my DH and my BS has improved dramatically 
My husband has stuck to his word and has stopped all teasing and unconventional punishments (actually he hasn't had to punish him at all) In the last 3 weeks alone, my husband has taught my son to tie his shoes, helped him with his lines in his school play (he got the leading role!) and is teaching him to ride his bike without the training wheels. These are major improvements considering my son would never let him help him with anything just last month. He now is excited every time my husband walks in the door from work, gives hugs, kisses and I love you's and has actually chosen my husband on a few occasions to tuck him into bed instead of me! I just hope this continues
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That is great!
It's so nice as a step parent for our Skids to really enjoy being with us. My grandmother passed a few months ago, and I was driving a few hours away several times a week to stay with her in the hospital. One week I was gone the whole weekend and got back late Sunday night. SD14 came out of her room and gave me a big hug and kiss when I got back and told me she missed me. That is one of my favorite moments, even being part of a sad memory.
Sometimes I wish I was around when Skids were younger because I feel like I could have experienced a lot of the fun new stuff with them, like learning tying shoes and riding bikes.
I'm a...
Stay at home mom, I have a 1 year old little boy (soon to be DH's adoptive son), and he HATED my husband for "no apparent reason" it was very hurtful to see him not letting him touch him or anything... we had several conversations about it, and he wasn't doing anything really "bad" but I put myself in my son's shoes, he spends 24/7 with me, bonding and everything, then DH comes home after work and all my son got was "no" "don't do this " no, don't do that" he also hated my husband's "rough" way of playing with him, so my husband stop being so tough with him, started bonding more, being VERY affectionate, and boy did that work. Nowadays, my son goes to him, hugs him, kisses him, he really loves him, for the most part he still prefers me (obviously) but I am very pleased with their relationship...
Thats great...I was having
Thats great...I was having similar problems...he was disciplining but none of the affection to follow it up with, or instead of punishing him with time outs, he'd do stuff that he knows upset my son, like making him sit in the dark or telling him he would throw him in the air. I'm so relieved things are turning around, considering my DH is my son's primary male role model and I don't want the marriage problems I see on here a few years down the road!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Hey - that is really great
Your good news about BS/DH gave me little chills!! I guess it just takes putting your finger on exactly what is wrong, you are really good at that.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Woo hoo for you and BS/DH! That is great
news! Some much needed on here if you ask me.
And as far as your first question.......
People just say some stupid stuff to make themselves sleep better at night. But hey, whatever helps you sleep! (and that's in general, not directed at you Melis). Just thought I should clear that up since my words so often get twisted!
It happens
I've been here almost 3 years, and it happens. Maybe new people come in who rub heads with those who have been here a while. Maybe we all hit our cycle at the same time (except us preggos). Maybe the earth comes into alignment with the other planets in exactly the way that makes us all flip out and go crazy. But every so often, there are several major blowouts in rapid succession which generally lead to several people leaving the site.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Oh Wise and wonderful Nymh...
Perhaps we should have Dawn take a poll to see who of those of us who are cycling are doing so at the same time! Then we could post PMS warnings on our responses!
I know I'm due to start ANY day, and tomorrow- well wait! It's 2am and I just finished some Double Fudge Brownie Eddys, so I'm guessing TODAY will be the day!
Anyone else? Maybe Rags needs us to post this info so he knows to keep certain unpopular terms and key phrases out of his posts/responses?
"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert
yep, I'm on mine! 2 days in!
yep, I'm on mine! 2 days in! coincidence?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
ha
me too!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
ha!
yeah I would like to be there when he tries to explain that!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Don't laugh, I do it now for my wife.
She went on the pill after our son (my SS) was born when she was 16. She is now 33. Recently she developed a blood clot in her leg and her Gyno took her off the pill. Looking in the little case for how close we were to the green pills was a great tool for me to gain clarity on things periodically.
Since there is no case with a packet of little pills any longer I had to start tracing it on my BlackBerry. Not that it matters for anything else. Since she took care of the party supplies for the first 15 years of our marriage I guess it is my turn to cover the party supplies for a while. The problem is that counting the number of Trojans in the box tells me nothing as far as what my lovely brides mood is likely to be on any given day.
Maybe counting the empty rapers would be a better way to track her mood. I know it would be for my mood especially if the number of empties grows every night (that I am home)!
Best regards
Round 1,987,352
I can no longer follow the conversation sometimes, there are so many responses on one post it is hard to tell what has been added without living through the whole battle again!! Maybe we should establish 'dispute etiquette'?
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
yeah, like no name calling
yeah, like no name calling and bashing!! Hard to do in the heat of the moment I guess
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I liked this solution:
"Ok I will leave you alone here on ST and you leave me alone". That seems fair.
I get really mad some times and start to say things I could regret but then I remember, once there were 2 women fighting so much on here they BOTH got KICKED off, not voluntarily left, and it was very traumatic for everyone, probably especially Dawn! It was the BM and SM of the same family, and one was impersonating someone else or something. It was bad.
Another time a very nice woman left because everyone hounded her all the time about how bad her situation was, and how they felt she contributed to it - she was very fragile and left, so she could no longer get even the support she was getting here, and she had no one else. That really hurt everyone too.
I don't want to see these things happen here again. I don't want anyone to leave or not get the support they need. Because where else can we know, we are NOT crazy??!!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I know who you're referring to
The problem with her is that she expected to come on this site and write a blog but either did not want anyone to respond at all or not to respond negatively. She was told by several different members (me included) to find a private blog site so she wouldn't have to worry about anyone replying to her posts. I really felt sorry for her at first and tried to be supportive, but after a while it was literally like talking to a brick wall. She was her biggest problem, she wouldn't do anything to change her situation. Perhaps she is one of those who thrive on drama.
Although I do wonder what's become of her...
I know, it became very convoluted
I had to stop responding to her too, it was a very strange situation and later they were saying maybe it was staged even? but if it were real I hated the way it ended. Sasha you know you can do no wrong with me girl-!!! as if you have a mean bone in your body?!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
It was like a story line from a soap opera
Her story got more strange with each post, I started wondering too if it was all a put-on. Still to this day I just don't know. And Lord knows I don't like to be mean, I try not to be mean, but I can be if pushed far enough. I think most of us can if we are pushed past our limit. Perhaps it's a self-preservation thing.
What about you? Most Evil? I think NOT!
I think somebody needs to PM
I think somebody needs to PM and tell me who this was. I heard a story about one girl an I'm wondering if thats who it is you're referring to!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
. . . .
Yes, Sasha is right, she did not want anyone to say anything that was even slightly, the kindest, constructive criticism. I agree that she should have gone to Livejournal or something because she wanted to write here but not have any comments that were painful to her. I guess we will never know the truth!
Heck even Cruella left us and I hope she never does again-!!!! We invoked her frying pan many times while she was gone! but it wasn't the same. I just meant these things can go too far, like really it did this weekend and today, and I hate to see that.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
You forgot to mention
Remember BIOMOM? The woman who was only a BM, not a SM at all, and came here to gain perspective on our side and give perspective from her side? Most of the time it went well but there were some major fights and she eventually left too.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
man...I missed a lot of good
man...I missed a lot of good stuff!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
REALLY?! I must not have
REALLY?! I must not have been here yet, I didn't know there was ever a BM/SM of the same family on here. Thats crazy...I agree though.If you don't ge along with someone, don't read their blogs and don't respond...I will try to do that
(not that theres anyone on here I don't want to talk to!) But in the future maybe
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Yes
I think it was back in 07, I was new then and it was, just crazy.
I think we should say too, that if you can refrain from getting TOO personal in your dispute, that could be good too. Like try to talk in 'general' terms and not say YOU do this and that, is how I try to avoid it, if it is something very personal ex. affair. But sometimes people get mad at me for doing that and say I am not direct, go figure, we southern ladies were raised to not make others too uncomfortable. And I try to remember, judge not, that you not be judged!! (from the Bible)
I hate it too when you don't know where someone is coming from. Many BMs seem to kind of sneak on here and are shocked at the step perspective. But the warning is in the title of the site! I almost feel stating your 'parenting' status or the true reason why you are here should be required before every post, full disclosure before you make any comments. I understand wanting to be anonymous but that is how most of these fights are started.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Honestly, I don't even know
Honestly, I don't even know why I'M on here! I think originally I googled I hate my husband's ex-wife...I guess she is my issue. Not even that she really is doing anything currently, because we avoid eachother on both sides. But I have a lot of resentment about what he did and the fact that we have to pay her monthly for it!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Well, I mean
your role, your perspective, if you will. After all this happened this weekend, I updated my 'description' of myself in case anyone looked, so they could see, no biokids, etc. That is all I meant. And if they are a BM, and not a SM, just say so up front!! Don't try to infiltrate the enemy camp and manipulate from the inside! not our deep inner meanings LOL
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
LOL...the enemy...you're too
LOL...the enemy...you're too funny. I know what you mean..I just have a weird perspective because I don't really consider myself a stepmom, although I guess to outsiders I probably look like one. And not because I don't "claim" SS but because I rarely see him and he's just not very present in our lives. But I am a BM, live in the same house and witness my BS and DH stepfather-stepson relationship, and am a stepdaughte myself. My bio is probably confusing!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Oh - well see I never thought of that
I forgot you don't actually see SS that much, but you still pay child support, deal with his mom, have to consider him in plans, etc. I do like it when you bring out your stepkid perspective - that is what I really want to know about and always try to find out about children of divorce now.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I think that I am the person
I think that I am the person you are talking about(Chava), and yes, it was true, but there is nothing I can do to convince anyone. I think I posted too much and monopolized the site, which was annoying to some people.
But the situation was just so strange and I had no one to talk to, literally nobody, so I posted and posted.
People started saying it was all fake, it wasn't. I was hurt and left. Later on the skids were sent overseas because H had lost control and was very worried about what they would become. While they were gone (4 months) we had almost 0 fights...
They will be coming back soon, but I will not be coming back to Steptalk to complain about it.
Just wanted to say, that I still read, and things did get better. I understand if people stopped responding to me because I didn't do anything to change it. I just don't understand the people who deliberately insulted and kicked me when I was down. But that is the internet, I guess.
I see myself, that people do need a place to vent, which is stated as the purpose of this site, and I myself feel sorry for some of the skids I read about as well, because I read total contempt from the step parents, and it seems hopeless... when all along the real problem is when the bio parent spoils them and disregards the feelings of their partner in life. It hurts everyone- even the kids, because they learn behaviors that are annoying to everyone, and people in their lives dislike them for it-
Yes, Chava, it is you
First and foremost, it IS nice hearing from you, cause I often wondered what had become of you, were you okay, did you have a total meltdown, were you even still among the living...
No one had any complaint (at least not to my knowledge) of how much or how often you posted. I will speak only from my perspective: You were obviously in a very dysfunctional relationship. Many people here were really concerned not only for your son, but for you as well. They offered you a lot of support, tried their best to give you the confidence you needed to get out of your situation, gave you all kinds of ideas and advice on where to seek help but it all seemed to fall on deaf ears. I know you say you love this guy very much but honey, sometimes love just aint enough. You just can't dance with the devil then complain when he steps on your toes. Have you ever heard that saying "it is easier to curse the darkness than to light a candle?" No matter how much your best friend loves you, as long as they see you're not willing to do anything to change your situation or help yourself, eventually you will drive them away. I think that's a big part of what happened here with you.
Then with each successive post, your situation was becoming more and more bizarre. So bizarre, in fact, that people started to think you were trolling. Can you blame them? Who would voluntarily live under the circumstances you described? You got upset when anyone posted anything negative, you said you were only blogging here so you could keep a record for you, but people explained time and time again that you can't post on a public site and prevent people from responding to your posts, or to respond only constructively. Well, you know how the rest of that went.
Like I said earlier, it's nice knowing you're okay. What's going to happen when those kids get back? I shudder to think
Well I guess you're proof
Well I guess you're proof that people's words on here can and do affect the people that read them. More reason for us to choose our words carefully. You never know who out there is reading them! I did not know you Chava, but I've heard of you. I don't know any details, but I hope everything is going okay for you and your family and that you have found a way to deal with whatever issu you were/are facing.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
My own entry in to the StepTalk community was pretty rough.
I was starting to get nervous every time I started my car in the AM my first few weeks in the community. :O
I think we all get wound pretty tight occasionally in our blended family daily lives and sometimes when we show up here to vent we catch someone else in a magnanimous mood toward the opposition.
When that happens the mix can be a bit caustic.
But, that is part of what makes this a good place to vent, contribute and pick up different points of view that are sometimes useful in our own situations.
Hey, as long as everyone always listens to me and follows my recommendations this will remain a great place!
JJOC.
Best regards,
Rags
I always GOT you. I remember when you were new and being raked across the coals. You and your tactics remind me a lot of my dad. Now granted I saw the punishments that my dad dished out as cruel and unusual
when I was a kid, I THANK him for teaching me some very valuable lessons. It kept me from going the way many of my friends whose parents let them run wild and free did. So, for that I TOTALLY GOT you and your sense of humor. BUT to each his own. Just know that you've always got me. 
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
Thanks Princ.
It is good to be loved!
Hey, I even get on my own nerves sometimes. I have deleted several posts prior to saving when I have reread them and thought better of what I was trying to say.
But, the powerful thing is that we can come here to vent, fight and get support and not take it all out on the Skids, kids and spouses.
Best regards,
rags
me too..
tough but fair that is what I thought when I first started reading your posts!
I love reading your posts they are not only informative but witty and creative.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
I agree and voiced once long ago that I was your biggest fan
It was not a popular response at the time!!!!!
You have found your way around here now Rags. You don't sugar coat anything but are the first to come clean and apologize when you are called on it. That's admirable in a man
.
"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert
Rags
I just wanted to say:
I LOVE YOU MAN!
But you still can't have my beer!
I come her for my sanity and have made some great friends.
Love all or you too!
OMG, now that I have totally shredded my man card ....... WHO WANTS TO FIGHT? }:)
Best regards,
mine too
That was my fault though. I felt out a lot of info that skewed people's perception I think. Hell, I probably still do LOL
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Wow.
I had no idea that there were disagreements on here! I guess if they stem from a BM posting on here (especially if the related SM was on here too) than that is understandable. I think this is a fantastic site and it's so wonderful to have all the support and a place to vent. Step-parents aren't very well represented in the media and there is very little support out there, so that we have this site is a huge step forward and it's very uncool of people to get on here and bash the step point of view. This is not a Bio-mom support site (although many step-parents are also bio-parents and that's cool) and if they want a place to vent about their ex's new wife than they can create their own site. I love that this is a safe place to really express the frustrations of being a step-parent because I know so few in my personal life and it's immensely comforting to know that i'm not the only one going through this. I actually wonder how many of these crazy BM's actually get on here? My take on that is that it is similar to reading someone's diary. If you are going to read someone's honest opinions and feelings than you should be able to take it and if you have a problem with reading about someone else's perspective than you probably shouldn't be reading it in the first place!
Very
Good analogy. The diary reference. I totally agree.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
BM and SM
That would be the oholic episode. Shopaholic and chocoholic. I don't check this site on the weekends unless I'm at work, so missed most of this. Basically the BM was stalking the SM, found her on this site, and started posting things to try and draw her out. That was what I gathered.
Wow...
That is nuts! Although I can totally see DH's ex doing something like that. Maybe I better watch myself more. /sigh and I was really starting to feel better that I have a place to go where people can relate.
just go to the link I gave
just go to the link I gave you for the private site for stuff you don't want everyone and their mom being able to find!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"