I can't imagine what you are going through. I don't want to sound harsh and I realize that you felt joining the military would be your only choice to support your child but you have to realize the minute you signed him away that you made that choice. Trusting your exes family is a huge mistake.

That being said, you can still fight and you may have a change of regaining custody but since he is married and has a "stable home environment" an you do not it is probably not likely that you will get custody back. Being active duty you can be called at anytime to serve. He will use this against you. I know that I would in his shoes. He has a wife to keep a stable home environment- I don't want to rush you in a relationship but what can you provide that is better?

Hire a lawyer.

Custody of children to parents that were never married automatically goes to the mother. You were never married to ex and this agreement was all verbal. Seems like you could just go and get your son.

Have your parents go with you to the town and if the step mom gives you any problems, say you'll call the cops and claim she kidnapped the kid. She has no papers proving other wise. Your ex claims he's filed papers against you for neglect, but that's been since August of last year and you still haven't been served. I wonder if he's lying.

If nothing has ever been filed in any court, you don't have a case of any kind. Go pick up your son. You have his papers? Birth certificate, SSN, etc. His father is not there to do anything, and a strange women who has no authority is babysitting. If she calls the police, you can say that he was kidnapped by his father, dumped with this women and you found him and am taking him back.

Other then that, call the police and explain that the father forced you to hand the child over. And then go get him.

Married or not, she has zero legal rights to YOUR child. You are his mother. With your legal rights come legal obligations. If your ex has your child, as a previous poster mentioned, you need to start providing some sort of support. Even if all you can do is a little bit, it will show the judge that you are making an effort to do for your son.

If you send a small check once a month, be sure to note in the memo line that it's for support for your child. If you purchase necessities (clothing, etc) for your child, keep the receipts.

A judge will look favorably on any parent who can look beyond the hurt & anger toward the other parent & step up to do for their child without having to be ordered by law to do so.

With or without a lawyer, file paperwork at the courthouse for visitation rights. Do not put this off any longer. The longer you put this off, the harder it will be to convince a judge to press on in your favor.

Don't be fooled by what your ex & his gf have to say. They will say anything they believe will hurt you. They want to make you feel as weak & vulnerable as they can so that they can "win".

This isn't about battling for a win between parents. This is about doing everything in your power to ensure your son develops a strong & stable relationship with his mother. Every child deserves a healthy relationship with both of their parents.

Keep detailed records. Keep a calendar of when you see your son. Keep notes regarding phone calls. Keep notes of when & why they deny your requests to see your son.

When your ex filed against you for neglect, did you get notice to appear in court? Did you go?

Do the custody papers grant you visitation? How is custody stated in your court order?

Stop finding reasons to not act immediately and get out there and ACT! Get immediate emergency custody - bio dad not caring for his son and you are just as much the baby's parent. DON"T tell your ex's family what you are doing.

After you have custody, go to your Saturday "visitation" with your family members (your dad, etc;) and take your son home with you.

Call your son's stepmom after the fact and have someone deliver copies of paperwork to their local policestation so they don't accept any "kidnapping" calls from your ex or his wife.

Action done!

So you were never served with any papers?

I'll respond, but first, stop doing anything else until you go back up and take out the names you wrote in the above comment! Hurry...hurry

No, I don't think you can just go pick up the child. If you signed and had notarized the papers you self wrote with the ex's sister (giving the child to her even if meant only temporary) ex likely used these papers in filing where he was presenting temporary full legal custody. Whether you meant to or not, you gave your child over to the sister and ex used this action to approach the courts as the legal father. Whatever your ex and you 'agreed' to verbally is a mute issue as there is no proof. The police friend is correct in that he/the department will not just let you go take the child...your ex has full legal custody and waved to the court that you willingly signed your child over to somebody's care.

You do need a lawyer to try and turn this around. You need to obtain copies of ex's filing and the end result of him being granted custody. I imagine currently this is a temporary order, but until and/or if you pursue fighting for your son back, ex ha full custody. Does the CO state anything about visitation to the birth mother? If it purely states 'reasonable' then a one day a month the SM is giving you can be construed into 'reasonable'. Ex also have every right to come after you for child support.

The neglect thing gives me the impression ex is using your actions against you to make the temporary order into a permanent 'full custody of physical and legal' on his part. Being he has full custody (which means physical and decision making powers) he may have even been able to put the child into a temporary guardianship position with the SM while he is away with military. You really need a lawyer. You need to file and begin a case to obtain the child back and in the meantime file for visitation rights (with more definition than 'reasonable') and start paying child support. The child calling SM 'Mom' right now should be the least of your worries.

Not to whack you while you're down (as I do sympathize with what's going on with your son), but you sound very young and naïve and whether intentional or not, you got yourself and your son into what's happened. Straightening it out and going for custody back (or even partial custody) may be a long and costly court battle. You need to arm yourself with a lawyer ( a good one) and you need to be informed exactly what and how this all happened, what ex is pursuing in court currently and how you can counter it. Do not take at face value what ex/SM says their lawyer says. Do not sign and/or verbally agree to anything else and from here on out let the communications go between the two different lawyers. If your father is housing you, he may help you with retainer fees. You helped set this up, you need legal professional guidance from a lawyer who knows the ends and outs and laws of your state with experience under his/her belt to help you.

Now you can go and try to get immediate custody.
Get your facts in order so you can list them on the court papers.
Write down the timeline of everything and put it in the paperwork.
You were deceived big time. If you can afford to see a lawyer, go. If not, check if there are any free legal advice places where you are.

I truly believe that you can get your son back soon if everything you state is accurate.

Yes I would just go and get him. You still have parental rights. Your ex, the childs father, is out of town, possibly state. My dh left my ss with me when he was deployed. In his military papers he did give me power of attorney and such, but our attorney also told us that the bm could come pick up her son anytime she liked and keep him if she so desired as she was a biological parent with parental rights and essentially had "dibs" over me. I would think the same thing would apply in this situation as well.

I would pick him up asap then I'd consult an attorney.