I don't want to do the school run for SD
So since I had a baby and currently on maternity leave, all of the responsibility has fallen on me to do the school run for my SD, this is something that was never agreed but just kinda left for me to do. We live a three min walk from the school and I don't feel it necessary to take her and pick her up as she is now 10 years old and most of her classmates walk on their own. We did this for a little bit on the weeks we had her and her mother has told her she isn't allowed as she will get kidnapped which infuriated me as she is putting fear into her when this is very unlikely to happen. I'm not one to get inbetween her parents decisions, but in this case, I feel I should have a say in the matter as I've been with her since she was less than one.
Getting myself and my son ready to walk a few mins down the road just seems very unnecessary as she is more than capable of doing this herself.
My fiance (her dad) basically said he isn't going to do it as he's currently earning most of the income as I'm on maternity and he is self employed.
We had a little argument about it last night and he has gone back completely on what we agreed to in regards to her walking to school and back when she stays with us. He said he will speak with her mother and tell her but once she started a fuss he just gave in.
I just feel like I'm being guilted into doing this even though I don't want to.
i know it seems petty but my son gets very fussy when I have to wake him in the mornings to take her to school and he cries the whole way there and back. I just feel its pointless. I'd understand if she was in a lower year but most of her class walks and they live further than we do.
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That's a tough one because
That's a tough one because her mom is concerned for her safety. Some moms are more uncomfortable with the thought of their child walking somewhere by themselves than others are. Does SD have any friends that walk to school in the vicinity? Maybe Mom would feel better if SD was walking with a group of friends.
I don't see why her father can't walk with her though if he wants to cave in to her mother's demands.
Most of her friends walk
I understand the safety concern, but she calls me everytime she walked to and from the school to ensure she was getting home okay.
Most of herbfriends walk and she did walk home with a few of them until her mother found out she lied to her about not crossing where the lollipop lady is, her friends live just a little further down the road from us but on the other side of the road so she told her mum that she crossed at the school when in reality she crossed nearer to the house so I I think she's not letter her because she lied, I spoke to her about it and she lied to her because she knew she would say no because it wasn't with the lollipop lady. But I feel bad that she felt the need to lie in order to do something she actually wants to do. She's very shy and giving her that bit of independence really did something to her and now she's back the way she was, scared of everything and never leaves our side..
Your son and maternity leave
Your son and maternity leave is irrevelant. SD is ten years old. She should be able to do a three minute walk. She should be able to do a five minutes walk. She should be able to do a ten minute walk. It's about giving your child appropriate responsibility. It's about letting your child grow. SD is ready for the responsibility of walking to school.
Does BM let her child sleep in her own room? Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped from her bedroom.
Exactly the point I put across
She smothers her to keep her safe but because of that she has zero confidence and is scared of everything. :/
If anything it should be the
If anything it should be the opposite? You're on maternity leave so you can take care of your newborn. Your NEWBORN. Not so you can play crossing guard to your 10 year old SD. Your DH and BM need to get this through their thick skulls. Does your DH seriously expect you to do this? And he pulled the "I'm the breadwinner card"? SMH.
Exactly! I hate that he's
Exactly! I hate that he's using this against me.
I wouldn't say anything if we didn't live so close to the damn school but her mother called the school and told them she doesn't consent to her walking to or from there so I don't have a leg to stand on and my fiance won't finish work early to collect her..
BM can give whatever consent
BM can give whatever consent she wants for her weeks, but on dad's weeks it should be dad's consent that matters.
How did this child get to and from school before your leave?
But what does he plan to do
But what does he plan to do when your maternity leave is over and you go back to work? Or does he expect you to arrange your schedule to continue to walk his kid to and from school?
Let the kid walk, and if BM
Let the kid walk, and if BM doesn't like it, she can come over every day and walk her to and from school. She's not the boss, she doesn't get to decide for both homes.
Yep!! Let BM come and get her
Yep!! Let BM come and get her and walk her.
We're currently walking my 13
We're currently walking my 13 year old SD to and from school, because apparently doing it on her own makes her feel anxious. Again it is minutes from our house, very safe neigborhood. I've a 9 month old to look after and drag with me when I have to go. Luckily my husand works from home and is able to go most days, but I stilll have to do the school run on a handful of days a week, depending on his schedule. Crazy thing is, she will walk home on her own after science club which finishes later as there arent' so many people around so she is less anious about it supposedly.
I feel for you. It is a pain in the arse - I frequently have to arrange meal and nap times around school and it always ends up with my son's schedule being messed up. When the weather turns bad this winter I will not be dragging the baby out with me to the school - the school is too close to drive to so in theory I would have walk to school with the baby through whatever Chicago has to throw at us this winter. My SD will just have to walk home on her own when that happens, no way can I justify bringing the baby out to accompany her grumpy arse. For now I am doing it as my husband asked me and he is trying hard to accomodate my SD and help her with her anxiety. I initially thought that she would change her mind after a couple of weeks when she was more confident or if she started getting awkward questions from friends at school, but that doesn't seem to be happening. At least she changes school next year and knows that it will not be possible then.
If you are dead against continuing to do the school run then I would tell your fiance your position and stop doing it. SD can stay at school until someone goes to collect her or stay at home and miss the day of schooling if your fiance cannot get her to school himself. She is not your child so it is not your responsibility to get her to school, if you need to remove yourself from the pick up list etc at the school. A few calls from the school will soon get your husband and his ex to work something out.
If you don't want to bring that drama to your life then maybe you could team up with another parent that walks your way and alternate days or something??? When I was 10/11 I used to walk "home on my own" when in reality I walked with my friend and her sahm. Luckily with you being on maternity leave this is a temporary arrangement and they will all have to do something else when you go back to work and it will not be your problem.
Ugh I feel you so much with
Ugh I feel you so much with this. Its so frustrating because you know the more they do it, the less anxious they would become, and I'm rather confused that your SD would prefer to walk home qhen there is less people around, quite frankly I feel safer when there is more people on the streets than when there is less.
It confuses us too.
It confuses us too. Apparently people make her nervous. I'm not sure what she thinks a load of kids from her school and their parents are going to do, but this is the situation for now.
Just stop doing it. This is
Just stop doing it. This is not your problem. Tell SD to walk or talk to her parents.
This. Let SD be late or not
This. Let SD be late or not show up to school a few times and they'll get it sorted. Or have CPS be called when neither of her parents are at the school to pick her up.
OP, this is NOT your job. You didn't agree to it. Do school buses exist, because if they do, she can ride that to school. Or Dad can drop her off on his way to work and put her in after school care until he can pick her up.
Other options exist. All because they don't like them doesn't mean you have to bend. You get the first say in saying "no".
I am shocked by the number of
I am shocked by the number of parents who expect other people to do their parenting for them. Buses are an option most places. Before and aftercare are an option most places. You may have to sacrifice some restaurant meals or other luxury items to pay for aftercare but most people who need it could make it work (because they work long hours which is why they need it.) I would not want to put my child in the position of being an unwanted burden on someone who has been forced or guilted into caring for them, and any child or person can wear out their welcome if forced on someone too much.
Yeah, the old "anxiety" card.
Yeah, the old "anxiety" card......
Ex SD, now 24, claimed to be too anxious to drive 5 mins to the supermarket, so Daddy would have to drive her....
Too anxious to get the train into the city if she was going out drinking - so Daddy would drive her there and then pick her up at whatever hour her drunken ass would demand it......
Too anxious to make phone calls so Daddy would have to do it....I'm talking about phone calls to do with health insurance, college matters etc...
My point is, this needs to be nipped in the bud now. Your SD is perfectly capable of walking to school on her own. Your partner could call another parent and arrange for his daughter to walk with their child, even just for the first few time, so her "anxiety" can be resolved.
Otherwise, throughout life, the anxiety card will be pulled whenever SD doesn't want to do anything.
Trust me on this.....
Even if it truly is anxiety,
Even if it truly is anxiety, the worst thing you can do is coddle them. They need a push to overcome the anxiety or they will be crippled by it for life. So set a time frame for them walking alone and then stick to it.
Exactly this!
Exactly this!
Ex SD was extremely coddled as a child and indeed through life.
She didn't want to go on any school trips or camping etc, so she would be pulled out by her parents who would tell the school she was "scared and anxious" so couldn't go.
If they went out any where she would sit glued to Mummy and Daddy, and would not talk to other kids, or anyone....her parents would not encourage her to interact at all.
I'm not buying her "anxiety'. Never did. She wasn't too "anxious" to spend hours at the gym (fully made up lol) or parade around the city wearing next to nothing, drinking copious amounts of alcohol.
Does your SD have a friend
Does your SD have a friend who could "pick her up" on the way to school (ie knock on your door and they could walk together)? Or if not a friend maybe an older neighbor or family who goes to the same school you could ask to chaperone her?
On the flip side if it's a short walk are there any kind old ladies nextdoor who could bounce your baby so you can get 6 mins of fresh air?
I agree with the majority of posts that you shouldn't have to do this (I have a new baby and have to drive 25 minutes to drop my SD off and pick her up at school and I want to die) but sometimes that just isn't a reality because of husband... having some alternative options might help.
What about biking? Then the ride is only 1 minute and she would be moving quickly. Lol. Trying to brainstorm. Husband keep pacifier in baby's mouth for 6 minutes while you walk (this is a stretch for many Dad's haha)??
I'm sorry that you are experiencing this too. I effing hate packing my screaming baby into a car twice a day for the same thing, it'll only get worse in the winter.
What was the arrangement
What was the arrangement before you went on maternity leave ie someone had to be dropping her off and picking her up from school and I'm assuming it wasn't you so it must of been DH? If so, there is zero reason he can't keep doing it.
That being said, I do feel your pain. My youngest skid was in his last year of primary school when my DS was born and it was not within walking distance. My DH didn't have a boss who allowed him the flexiblity to do the school runs so I had to do it and I hated it as my DS used to scream the whole time if he was awake (he hated the car as a baby). I was furious and resentful at the time but I guess I just sucked it up. I'm not saying you should also as your DH clearly does have flexibility if he's self-employed.
Perhaps you can come to a compromise ie DH does half and you do the other half??
My sister lived with us at
My sister lived with us at the time and her son went to the same school, they have now moved out and it was just left for me
I have to agree with BM on
I have to agree with BM on this one though. I will absolutely not let my child walk anywhere without a trusted adult. I'm sorry call me over protective or a worry wart but no way! Look at the world we are living in. A young girl in my town was abducted a few months ago walking to school (she was on the same street so not too far). She is thankfully alive but what she went through will absolutely affect her for the rest of her life.
If I were BM, I would just handle the school drop offs during your time if your DH is unable to. Is there any way she is able to pick her up and drop her off during your time? It sucks having to wrangle up a newborn I completely understand and have been there before. I get it is not your job and you are not her parent. It's a difficult place to be in. I think your way out of it is to tell DH to get BM involved during his time for school pick up obligations.
Her DH doesn't sound unable
Her DH doesn't sound unable to, just unwilling. She said he's self-employed. I wouldn't let my 10-year-old walk either, at least not where i live. A lot of places are probably safer than here, though.
"he isn't going to do it as
"he isn't going to do it as he's currently earning most of the income as I'm on maternity"
Well tuff on him. First off, it's his kid and therefore his responsibility. Secondly, maternity leave is for caring for your baby and healing, not for becoming the household nanny and skivvy. Thirdly, you are on maternity leave therefore you ARE bringing in income - does he intend to use the higher income argument to get you to do all of the house and child-related work after your leave ends? Fourthly, he wants her to be walked there, he can do it because you are not.
What was your SO's thinking
What was your SO's thinking when he went from weekends to 2 weeks per month? He should not have done that if he wasn't prepared to do the work, or discussed it with you, at the very least. You should have had the chance to decline the responsibility.
You live a 3 minute walk from the school, can you see her, most of the way, from your front door?
OP Did you talk with your
OP Did you talk with your boyfriend last evening?
I hope he comes to his senses and drives his own child, up the street to/from school. He and bm need to work this out amongst themselves. Stop dragging you into this.
(((HUGS))))
I did. And he told me he
I did. And he told me he asked SD and she said she didn't want to anymore, no doubt its because her mother has frightened her.
He asked SD?
He asked SD?
Well, gee, if he's going to leave the parenting choices up to SD, herself....
"He said he will speak with
"He said he will speak with her mother and tell her"
What he meant was he'd call bm and ask her for permission. Frankly, doesn't he understand that what happens in his home is none of her business? Why did he go and poke the bear? It's a 3 minute walk and there's a lollipop lady on the way - how dangerous it be for a 10 yo? Are you living somewhere with high levels of dense traffic? What kind of area are you in?