HOLY CRAP!! FDH is actually starting to grow balls with skids and BM!! Am I dreaming??
So, as all of you may or may not know, my FDH tends to be the "ostrich" type of parent with skids and also in his dealings with BM and the MASSIVE CS$$ he pays her. He just sits back and pays MASSIVE CS$$ to BM (even though we share 50/50 custody of skids with her) to the tune of $1,600/mo. for 2 kids!!
Yesterday, there was not ONE, but actually TWO instances where FDH actually stood up for himself and/or did something to PARENT skids!! To keep this post brief, I'll just mention one of the instances.
FDH actually acknowledged & finally mentioned the "taboo" topic of the massive CS$$ to skids when they were whining for cash from him yesterday!! I swear, I almost fainted!! He has only done this once or twice before in the 7+ years we've been together!! Here's how it went:
FSD16: Daaaaddyyyy I need $12 to bring with me to school tomorrow.
FDH: What do you need $12 for?
FSD16: I have to buy a review book for [insert class].
FDH: I just gave you $XX amount for [insert 1 of many things FDH has paid for]. I'm also giving you $40 for your 2nd quarter report card grades (for her to "save" for a trip she wants to take with her best friend's family in a few months).
FSD16: But I neeeed the money.
FDH: Well, then go ask your MOTHER for the money - you knew about that review book for over a week now.
FSD16: But Mom said she doesn't have the money.
FDH (turning a little red): FSD16, I give your mother A LOT of money every month that is supposed to be used only on you and FSS13. Why do you guys still come to ME and ask for money all the time????
FSD16: I know. Fine. Whatever. (Mumbles and grumbles under her breath and changes the subject)
You see, this is the type of BULLSHIT that drives me ABSOLUTELY INSANE about BM and the massive CS$$$ my FDH pays her biweekly. Trust me, it's not the money at all - it's the PRINCIPLE of the whole damn thing. Yesterday it was $12, sometimes it's $50 and other times its like $500 (towards a Sweet 16 bday party she wanted to have, with BM organizing the whole thing).
Now normally, FDH would just hand over whatever amount of $$$ his FSD16 needed, not even ASK what it's needed for - and if he DOES ask and it's something that CS$$ is supposed to pay for, he STILL would fork it over. But THIS time, he DIDN'T give her the cash!!!
I'm still feeling dizzy and faint from the SHOCK of this!!! Baby steps, I tell you, baby steps. It seems like FDH is FINALLY coming out of his "ostrich" hole (removing his head from his ass) little by little and waking up to the fact that BM treats FDH like an ATM machine for MONEY and uses Fskids as ATM cards with which to extract the cash.
YAY for my FDH!!! Extra lovin' for him this week!! LOL!! I swear, he has absolutely NO IDEA how SEXY he is to me when he stands up for himself to skids & BM!! Isn't it true, ladies?? Isn't it SOOO attractive when your man actually STANDS UP for himself and doesn't allow himself to be treated like a doormat???
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ls1988 I know, I know...
ls1988 I know, I know... Sigh
(Milomom nods & hangs head in agreement with ls1988)
I hear you - I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts and HOPE AND PRAY that it is the beginning of a NEW CHAPTER with this issue. Oh please, G-d, please let this be Day One of a new chapter entitled "FDH finally grows his balls back and likes how it looks/feels". LOL!!!!
A girl can dream, can't she????
Foxie, thank you and I agree
Foxie, thank you and I agree with you about the age & when skids should be aware of CS$$.
Yes, you are 100% right about my FDH always "taking the high road" (TM) when it comes to CS$$ and skids. Since Day One, he & I have lived by the rule that skids are NOT to be put in the middle of any issues with the BM/exW from CS$$ to 50/50 custody, etc.. We have done our very, very best to ensure that skids have been "sheltered" from any of those type of issues/conversation. We've NEVER, EVER spoken about BM or any CS$$$/custody/divorce issues in front of skids. I think in 7 years, FDH may have made 1 or 2 "mentions" of CS$$ to skids, but that's only in recent years. Skids are FSD16 & FSS13 now.
Skids were "brainwashed" by BM, however, all through these years, that SHE WAS THE ONE SUPPORTING THEM AND SPENDING "HER" MONEY ON THEM!! She would take them school clothes shopping or similar and NEVER EVER TOLD SKIDS THAT IT WAS DADDY'S $$$ THAT WAS PAYING FOR IT ALL!! So they would come to our house, year after year, saying "Daaaddddy, Mommy ALWAYS takes us shopping for clothes, school stuff, etc... and YOU NEVER take us shopping or buy us any clothes. It's YOUR TURN to buy us stuff. Mommy ALWAYS PAYS for us." And FDH would just bite his tongue and take all the abuse, never correcting skids since they were 9 & 6 years old, because they were "too young" to have to know about the CS$$$, etc...
So now skids are 16 & 13. I think they're old enough to know (especially the 16 yr old) the TRUTH and the FACTS about expenses & budgeting and WHO IS REALLY PAYING FOR WHAT!!!
Where do skids think BM's $$$ comes from in the FIRST PLACE to pay for things since she only works part-time (translation: when she feels like it)??? Meanwhile, they see their Dad (50/50 custody) often and he has always worked FULL-TIME long hours to earn money! Hello???
Alas, my NEW saying to skids (now that I'm "allowed" to make small mentions of $$$ to skids) is: WHERE DO YOU THINK MONEY COMES FROM? DO YOU THINK IT GROWS ON TREES IN THE BACKYARD??? We work VERY HARD for our money!!
To FSD16 we say: GET A JOB!!! (Although, Foxie, I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to say to her "why don't you ask your Mom where the $1,600/month goes that your Dad pays her every month?" when she asks us for spending money). But I don't....
iloveaz, I hear you
iloveaz, I hear you TOTALLY.
My FDH is a good looking guy, but let me tell you that when he used to go into "doormat mode"...forget about it. I would instantly lose respect for him, which would instantly translate into NO PHYSICAL ATTRACTION to him. It's really gross to watch a DH/FDH/SO act like such a jellyfish - totally spineless.
Totally HOT to totally NOT in an instant!! Lol!! Yep, you about described it!
I'm crossing my fingers that he's starting that new chapter in that book I mentioned above.
Here is my personal
Here is my personal story...Just two weeks ago I really thought that SO was sticking up for himself (you can read it in one of my blogs) and I truly thought it was the begining of something wonderful. It was very short lived...and the next week I had to move out because I was tired of the BM's drama and the FSD's drama.
However I'm sure not everyones DH or SO is the same so I hope and pray yours is finally starting to see the light. I have alot of resentment towards my SO because he "allowed" the BM, but mostly his daughters to run me off. Now, he is begging me to come back and I WON'T come back until he sticks to stricking up for himself and quit allowing them to walk all over him. I will not put myself back in that situation until he proves to me otherwise and if he can't do it, then I can't and won't come back and he will NEVER have a relationship with another woman because his kids will run her off like they run off every man the BM meets.