Thanks herewe! I will totally admit that it is VERY difficult at times because of the way the BM's act - just disgusting and that they're entitled to everything when all they do is absolutely NOTHING to earn it. But in the end of the day, YOU are YOUR STRONGEST ADVOCATE. There of course will ALWAYS be times when you and DH will have to deal with her, like you said - but concentrate on protecting YOUR RELATIONSHIP, YOUR ASSETS and always KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! Not to mention, the more you smile & are happy with your life, the more it drives them NUTS and makes them MISERABLE!! Hence, you've "turned the tables" on them and they will just drown in their own patheticness. In the end, YOU have DH - he is YOUR HUSBAND NOW & IN THE FUTURE (hey, you're married to him, for heaven's sake - which is something that I look forward to with my BF). YOUR son's being diagnosed with autism should be YOUR FIRST PRIORITY - and the more you & DH work as a team and shut out all the BS & crap from BM, the better off you'll be. How many skids do you have & ages? Good luck & hugs & prayers to you!! P.S. I know my post was VERY long, but I'm so glad you read it & stuck through it - it came from my heart & a place of strength I knew I had, but I think I "shelved" it for so many years, know what I mean?

Good morning Stepmom...and you are SO very welcome! Yep, the old "laundry" hassle (we've ALL experienced this) where BM automatically assumes that if skids "don't have ANY clothes to wear" (usually totally exaggerated or fabricated by BM), BF either doesn't EVER do laundry and that skids clothes MUST be in YOUR dirty laundry OR, even better, she whines and complains that the child support money we give her has nothing to do with buying the skids' clothing and we should STILL have to go out and spend MORE money to buy OUR OWN set of clothes (for 2 skids). Yep, that's EXACTLY the type of fights I was describing in my post. DONE WITH IT! YOU ARE ONLY GOING TO BE TREATED THE WAY YOU (BF) ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TREATED! She has 2 hands, doesn't she? I agree with you - she should get up off her unemployed, lazy ass (I'll bet your BM has enough time to spend hours on the computer just like mine, though) and do some laundry, for heaven's sake!! THEY ARE HER KIDS & BF'S KIDS - NOT YOURS!! She has no appreciation for how well you take care of the skids, their clothing, etc... I'm sure of it, trust me. I used to actually wash everything (sometimes the same day the skids wore it) just to make sure they always had clean clothes at BM's house, too - because that's the NICE thing to do and I was always worried about trying to be the "better person" so as to indirectly make her happy (which, in turn, made BF's life easier that he didn't have to hear her bitching all the time). Now the concept is the same, but I NEVER will go OUT OF MY WAY to do ANYTHING to make BM's life easier when that time could be better spent doing something to make MY relationship with BF & the skids better, or to make MY career better, or to make MYSELF more financially better off (I, by the way, am very financially responsible, have phenomenal credit, own my own house with my own mortgage, own my own car, have my own business, etc...). So, you see, you have ALREADY PROVEN exactly why I wrote that post - and if it helped just ONE person on ST, then I feel so much more accomplished with MY GOALS than I did yesterday. Get it? Take back control of YOUR life, YOUR relationship with YOUR BF and the skids, YOUR WANTS, NEEDS, GOALS!! Go Stepmom!! BIG HUGS for you!! Don't let her control your thoughts & mood today - you just need to find a RESOLUTION to what I'll call "the laundry issue" that works for YOU - and you will be set free! You're not alone - we've ALL been there. Good luck! And THANK YOU for taking time out of YOUR busy day to respond to MY POST...you just made MY DAY, too! Gotta go, or I'm gonna be late to MY OFFICE!! lol.

Hi Supermom & you are SO WELCOME! Not sure what made this a yucky week for you in dealing with your BM, but feel free to let me (everyone - lol) know because, you know what? WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE THE T-SHIRT! I strongly believe that ST has helped me in SO many ways that it is indescribable! Sounds like you just may need some "Milomom" empowering sessions - ha ha ha. Not sure of your situation, if you've traveled a long road so far with your BM or if you're new to it all. Let me know. Good luck...and THANK YOU for reading my post and allowing it to help you - that confirms exactly why I posted it. ((((GROUP HUG!!!)))

Thank you so much workingmom! I agree - I feel like my journey has not only been a long one (6 years) but a roller coaster of a ride, that's for sure! But you know what? Bring it on! Feels so much better when I have the right frame of mind and have the courage to go back to my old self, if you know what I mean. Full steam ahead - doing good things for others, because good things happen to good people. It's all about moving FORWARD with MY LIFE, MY RELATIONSHIP with BF & the skids, MY GOALS and NOT ALLOWING BM to negatively affect ME anymore. No more saying to myself (and I know you've all been there) "can't wait until skids turn 21 and we don't have to deal with this anymore", because I absolutely refuse to "wish away" my life from now until the year 2018, just to think that's when my normal life will be restored. BM will just have to FINALLY accept & get used to the fact that MILOMOM is here and she's HERE TO STAY...you don't like it, oh well, YOU DEAL WITH IT! Happy Holidays to you workingmom, and don't hesitate to tell me your frustrations so that I can help you reach this point - it feels like heaven on earth! HUGS!!

Hi Misfit! I'm fairly new to ST (about 1 month) and in that time, I've made a solid effort to try to "get to know" everyone here on ST as best I can - you may not realize this, but I've been somewhat following your posts (younger woman with older BF/DH about 40's? and all the problems/insecurities that come with it and BM) - you recently blogged about how wonderful your BF/DH is but that recently, there's been turmoil (are you the one that found old pix of BM that DH was supposed to have tossed & he didn't?) and you feel like you can't control your insecurities. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE, MISFIT! You seem very intelligent, well-spoken and kind. Don't ever change who you are - that's the best advice I can give you. Once you lose yourself, that's when things go into an uncontrollable tailspin. You have been there for others on ST and you are always positive - and the very rare times you aren't (in your own situation), you are very hard on yourself - YOU'RE HUMAN! We all deal with exactly the same feelings & emotions that you do! By the way, how did you come up with the name Misfit? lol. Feel free to let me know how I can help you get to the point that I've finally reached (after 6 years)!! One step at a time, one foot in front of the other - you have to WANT CHANGE for this to work. Trust yourself & your gut/instincts about your decisions, be true to yourself & you will be fine. I promise you that as hard as it is for me to get to this place in my life, it feels truly incredible! I can breathe again. Good luck Misfit, you're a wonderful woman!

Shelly36 you're welcome and you go girl! I know, I feel the same way about my "old self" - always positive, a bundle of energy, well-liked by others. Once I allowed BM to start all of her drama crap, it definitely affected who I was - I became frustrated, angry and argumentative because I always felt the need to "stand up for myself". In thinking about it honestly, maybe I was just consumed with not understanding why she didn't like me?!? It was frustrating me for so long because I've always been a well-liked, admired person (not meant to be cocky, just giving you a general description of myself). After years and years, I finally realized that I was ALLOWING BM to do this to me and cause fights between BF & I. The old Milomom mantra "YOU WILL ONLY BE TREATED THE WAY YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TREATED" may be difficult to swallow, but it is the truth and the reality of most situations. Once I decided to TAKE BACK the control of my life, my goals, my future plans...I suddenly felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders - and I became FREE from BM's drama-queen games and bullcrap. BM is BF's problem, not mine (in terms of the skids), unless BM has some kind of problem about BF &/or I, I will ALWAYS be in control of our home, our relationship, our future plans. Good luck Shelly!! Hugs to you! I'm glad my post helped you - it was worth it just for that alone.