You are here

wow, our talk about SS5 almost went really bad!

miskittius's picture

Submitted by miskittius on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 9:26am

so I talked to BOO ( bf) about lil dude and my special bed time. I first strted by apoligiizing for being a little harsh, but then went into detail about how his approach isn't working. I tell you the whole time I was talking boo was so on the defense. You see I may not HAVE kids of my own but I was a nanny for years and basically raised my lil sis, I am also a huge fan of the nanny. So I kinda broke it to him that he needs to put the foot diwn and stop parenting throug the back of his head while on the computer. He will say no, don't do that several times before lil dude will stop, I explained that that was not effective and if he continues with his lalackadaisical ruling than the lil dude will turn into a lil bastard. BOO got so mad at me and said, don't you just know everything. I said no, but I have many years with children and have a clear understanding that they will take a mile if you give an inch..

At the end of the convo I said in a very calming tone that he was a great father, I'm not attacking him as adad, but he needs to understand that the best friend approach will only be neg in the long run.. We came to an agreement that lil dude is not to wake us up until his digital clock says 800, and that adult bed time is our special time. I express how I was upset he slept with him and he was apoligetic.

I also asked if he minded if I started to discipline the lil dude. He was absolutely on the same page. Thank god.I also expressed that he try and find a single dad with GF web site to reach out like me. It really helps to know someone else is feeling like you. I told him that he needs to understand that he had 9 months to mentally prepare for his son, I did not, Before boo, I was single going out on weekends and that rthis too was very hard for me, so when bedtime comes around, that's our time.. I explained that lil dude has boo all day every weekend, and asked if he remembersa wheen the last day we spent to gether, He was speechless cause he knew I was right, there hasn't been oyr time in a long time. If he wants me to be understanding of he and lil dudes time rhan he needs to be understanding that WE need time too.

Comments

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 10:42am

I agree with Crayon.

"I also asked if he minded if I started to discipline the lil dude. He was absolutely on the same page."

That might bite you in the butt. Since you are dealing with a guilty parent, you may start doing ALL of the disciplining and it goes down hill from there. Discipline only when BF isn't around, when he is, HE is to discipline. Trust me on that one.

Good Luck with everything.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

miskittius's picture

Submitted by miskittius on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 4:04pm

I tell you, this is really scary stuff to me. If I knew then, what I know now, I probably would not be with him. I am not saying i dont love him and lil dude, but it hurts so much to know I am second best. My question next is, what happens if BF and I decide to have children, does it change at all?

namaste123's picture

Submitted by namaste123 on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 5:12pm

I am in the same situation with ss5 and ss7 they will try to wake up as early as 6:45am to watch sat cartoons. I went through this for a year and a half with them waking me up early as hell while BF doesn't get disturbed and he could still sleep. BF had a convo with BM and guess what, they weren't allowed to get out of bed until the clock said 7:30. I spent a year and a half being woken up extremely angry every weekend for a year and a half! Grrrrrr....

we had to down grade in our living situation so we moved into a tiny 2 bedroom apt. where the walls are paper thin and the living room is just outside our bedroom door.

SS7 tried to get up and watch t.v. before 7:30 just recently. That morning I reminded BF to remind his child of the rule. Be did because he knew that I would be waking him in an extremely crabby mood every sat. if it didn't stop.

miskittius's picture

Submitted by miskittius on Tue, 02/02/2010 - 5:41pm

yeah,he lives in a small space so things will be tight, esp with a snake and cat, I am hoping that when I do move in my cat will distract lil dude a little bit in the AM. And about waking up crabby, it really sucks, it ruins your day completely, and REALLY, no one should wake up like that, and the fact that lil dud is NOT my child makes it that much worse. I told my BF that as much as I will never be number 1, lil dude will never be MY son, and that its just as equal. Like I said before, I should have known better when we first dated, it was on the LIST my mother gave me to live by, 10 questions whose answers reveal red flags, Have you ever been married? Why did you break? Do you have children? Mom, you were so right, now its too late, my heart is involved.