Can't get any time alone!
My DH and I just can't seem to get time together since we got SS full-time and it's really putting a strain on our marriage.
My SS came to live with us last year because BM moved out of the state to get away from yet another domesticly violent relationship. During that time he visited her twice and BM waited tot he last minute to make those plans so DH ended up working late while SS was gone to accomodate drop offs and pick-ups at the airport.
About 4 months ago we find out that BM had the guy she ran away from come down and they got married and moved back to our state (she's an idiot). Well when she got here she lied to DH about it and when he confronted she finally admits to living here but that she's not married, yet she won't give us an address. We of course tell her that there will be no visitations without and address and if she is living with this guy that we are going to court to get supervised visitation because he's a violent guy. Well of course that didn't go over well and she continuted to harash us via text and phone. We stuck to our guns and didn't send ss for visitations but allowed phone calls.
She calls us last night after not calling for a month and tells us that she's left the guy and she's been in a christian program with her other 3 kids and that she wasn't allowed to talk on the phone for the first 30 days. Now she wants to have EOW with SS and wants us to drop him off and pick him up at the church the program is through, that would be a 2 hour trip both ways for us. We again asked for an address and she stated she couldn't give one out. Well we told her that there was no way SS was going without an address and that even than she'd have to meet us 1/2 way.
Well as of this morning it looks like EOW is not going to happen and I know it's for the best when it comes to SS but I'm resentful about all this. I haven't gotten to do anything with him alone except 4 times, and even than only 3 or 4 hours at the most. Even our sex life has been affected. We use to have a great sex life but the stress of having ss full-time and not having any quality time together.
I know it's not SS's or DH's fault that BM won't/can't take SS but I am getting resentful. I honestly want a life of my own. I don't have any kids and so I'm not use to having one full-time. I'm tired of the constant interuptions when I'm talking to DH or the smart mouth, whining about wanting this or that, complaining that he doesn't want ot do homework or he's bored. He's also such a picky eater because BM only feed him fast food that cooking for him is horrible since all he does is complain.
Honestly I'm exhausted and not sure it is worth it. I feel like DH and I are practically strangers now and I just can't seem to make myself love my SS.
- missangie1978's blog
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Comments
I know it is really hard
when your on a separate page..so to speak. You not having any kids and his having 1 that is with you full time. Do you have any family or friends that you can leave him with on an occasionaly night? Does he ever have any sleepovers. How old is he? My daughter use to have sleepovers at our house, then the other mom's would reciprocate. So we all got some alone time with our hubbys. You need to talk to DH about how you feel and tell him you want alone time with just the two of you and see what you can figure out. I do agree that I wouldn't send him to BM's without more information. She sounds like a nut job. And as far as the food goes, (and you didn't say how old he was)but I wouldn't do specia cooking for him...he will get use to what you fix...he will get hungry and just have to adjust...and tell your DH to step here and tell your step son to not whine about what you cook, he can either eat it or go to bed hungry,...and believe me he won't do that for long!
Same Boat Here
I am in the same boat and it sucks. Skids are too immature to stay on their own and DH and I never go out alone. It does put a strain on a marriage. I miss my single days sometimes when I was wined and dined.
I could have wrote your posting. You see that is my main complaint about my marriage. It is always about the kids and his drama. Always!!!! It is exhausting and not fair. No I dont fault the kids. I fault DH for not making the time for me.
grandparents
I would be asking grandparents on both sides if they would be willing to have him sleep over a couple of times a month.
SS is going to be 9 at the
SS is going to be 9 at the end of the month. I wish my parents lived close by but they dont and DH's parents live in a different state. We've tried to get a more conistant babysiter but that's going no where.
I'm just sick and tired of my life revolving around take care of SS. I need my husband and a break
Same with us...
Only difference is that they are OUR kids that we never get away from!
But that's just the way it is when you have kids. When you get pregnant with that first one, you know your life is about to change. You know that you are going to have less time for yourself, less time for your marriage and that your life is about to change in a very huge way forever. I think it's the same when you marry someone with kids. You have to know that being a parent, even if you're "just" a stepparent, changes things permanently. You have to get creative and make it about quality, rather than quantity. It's hard to balance everything sometimes, but it can be done. I have a husband who works nights and we haven't gone out without the kids in almost a year, but we still manage to create some one-on-one quality time. It's possible if you are both committed to doing it.
~ Anne ~
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