First a fore word about the whole "Sybermoms" thing.

I.do.not.give.a.shit what they think or say. Not a single bit. This whole thing has spiraled out of control, and I feel that closing the site to members is a good idea to protect those who would like the privacy. I however don't care what they think of me or anyone else on this site because it's really easy to talk and judge others from behind a computer.

I knew someone once who was a marriage counselor. He had counseled my mom and dad prior to their divorce about some infidelity issues. Shortly after they divorced we came to find out that he had been cheating on his wife for the past year and a half and that he had confessed to giving people poor advice because it was coming from his own guilty feelings and fear about what he was doing. I take this the same way. A lot of people who have their own personal feelings and fears and need to make a huge stir up about it because something struck a nerve. Raw honesty about one's emotions tends to do that to others. Otherwise Martin Luther King Jr. would likely be alive no? I hope that what we are doing and saying on this site makes other squirm if only for the fact that we are being strong and honest about the real life difficulties we face every day trying to forge new families and relationships. Do I agree with how all the Smoms on this site feel? No. Is it my place to judge - certainly not. If we all thought and felt the same the world would never have any innovation or progress. For those I do not agree with I simply (and this is for you stalky sybermoms!) close the post and move on. Novel concept I am sure but yes. I do in fact just pass it over. OR - get this - I don't comment. It's a novel concept really that my own opinions may not match that of another so I simply choose not to be a part of them. I believe back in the day it was called maturity.

I digress.

To the original point of the post.

FDH! Oh what can I say about FDH. Right now he is super super super getting on my nerves. Once again this week and next he works basically closing shifts. Skids go on Friday to BM's and he works which gives me a break however I am getting a bit snarky.
See the last 3 weeks have resulted the same way. He gets home at 11 or 12am and talks to me for a bit then puts on a movie and goes to bed. I, going against my nature, have stayed up waiting for him and messed up my own sleep schedule. Now I am tired and cranky at 7am when it is time to get skids off to school. Oh and there's that. He is up late, gets home late soooo he sleeps late. I get that it's part of his job and all but I seriously am tired of having to get up day in and day out and get skids off to school than babysit ss3 all...day....long. The sight of ss3's face makes me wants to kick the dog. Nothing wrong with him I am just sick of having him up my ass 24/7. I remember when I wished with deep longing that I could be important to my skids and have a deep meaningful relationship with them. Now I would just be happy if I could pee without SOMEONE knocking on the door calling my name. The female skids like to argue and fight all morning long and coupled with my lack of sleep has become a morning time nightmare routine. FDH and I haven't done anything fun in forever. Because he is either working, I am working OR we have the fricken kids and sd15 is a useless babysitter. She creates so much more work and doesn't watch them that whatever evening we had out is ruined when we get home and its 11:30 no one is in bed, the house is trashed and they tell us they ate pb and j with corn flakes for dinner. She knows better, she is just lazy. Which is why we pay someone else. Then she can't figure out why she doesn't get paid, but she has tried to watch other people's kids with the same result. Kids sitting in dirty diapers when the parents get home etc. Doesn't really bother me. She is the one that will find out by experience, trial and error that doing a half assed lazy job gets you remembered and not in a good way. So FDH when he is home has 2 intentions. Eat and watch TV OR go run errands allllll day long. I'm ready to scream! He's always been so good about putting our relationship first but lately this has not been so. I am plain stinking bored. Bored of being full time mom, bored with FDH, bored with myself for being able to have no life outside of CONSTANT CHILDCARE! I'm having these feelings of being a full time nanny but I know this isn't so. MY skids love (or at least care for) me and rely on me, and when daddy is home they keep coming to me. I remind them - you can ask dad too ya know. I keep remembering what it was like to go to get togethers, have dinner somewhere that doesn't have a lit up sign out front and required better than PJ pants to get in, and actually do activities and the more I think about it the more I get annoyed. FDH has been bringing me home presents lately. Nice ones too. Sort of a make up for not being around. Fuck presents. I want to go DO something. I mean the thought is nice but a new _insert blank_ doesn't make up for not having time together as a couple. I am taking ss3 to daycare today and doing a small victory dance when I leave. This will be the first time and 3 weeks he hasn't been with me for almost the entire day. Don't get me wrong I love him and all but seriously. 3 weeks stuck mainly in the house with a toddler? FDH needs to bring me home a gun not chocolates. LOL. I feel like we're in a rut and he is as happy as a hog in it. He doesn't have to take care of the kids. He gets to spend all the nice happy odd hours here and there with them doing none of the "DONT YOU GIVE ME THAT TONE YOUNG LADY!" moments, and he gets to do his favorite things. Watch tv and talk to me late into the night. I feel like I've forgotten what it's like to be a real person. I have an activity I do Monday evenings without anyone. Not FDH or Skids and that is MY time but it is only for 3 hours or so and is something I do more for personal growth and not fun. I'm such a happy go lucky fun person usually and lately I feel BLAH and BORED and RESTLESSSSS! How can I break out of this!!!!