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Twin question

MJL2010's picture

Submitted by MJL2010 on Sun, 05/20/2012 - 9:13am

I have tried Google, to no avail. Just wondering if anyone knows anything about twin behavior. SSs7 are growing more and more dependent upon each other where physical proximity is concerned as they get older. When they go to bed at night they start in different beds but it is not at all unusual to find them in the same bed in the middle of the night. Also, during daylight hours (on weekends) they entwine themselves with each other, they can never be without the other. This brings neediness to a whole other level and their dad is finding it pretty disconcerting. I find it really annoying because they also fight constantly when it comes to taking responsibility for their actions ("HE did it!", etc....) but I'm just the evil stepmom.

I am sure that BM does whatever she can to facilitate the neediness- they sleep with her in her house- but I'm wondering if this just may be twin behavior. I am trying to approach it from a place of kindness and understanding; my grandmother was a twin and I try to tell myself that, had her twin lived, they may have been equally close....

Thanks for whatever input you may have!!

Comments

Bio father's picture

Submitted by Bio father on Sun, 05/20/2012 - 9:59am

I have a twin brother and growing up, we were very close. We had the same friends, did everything together. I would not say we were dependent on one another but we were into the same things. We did not sleep in the same bed though. With that being said, you said they sleep with their mother, that's the problem, not healthy at all.

momoftwinz's picture

Submitted by momoftwinz on Sun, 05/20/2012 - 1:12pm

I have identical twin boys, they're 2 but I do worry that they aren't developing the social skills singletons children have. Even with a group of kids, they tend to just play by themselves. Alot of twins have issues with making friends because they always have a playmate and they're at the same level developmentally. I want my boys to go to separate preschool classes so they can learn to be on their own. It's a bit of debate amongst parents of twins but I feel the boys are too much of a matched set and they need to learn to do things on their own. It's important to encourage twins to have their own identity and be their own independent person.

Sometimes with twins, one will really dominate the other, one will be the decision maker and the other passive and goes along with it. That's the behavior you really have to step in and stop.

Perhaps you and your husband could do separate activities with the boys when you have them, try to encourage to do things by themselves.

discfocused's picture

Submitted by discfocused on Sun, 05/20/2012 - 4:35pm

Some twins can become reliant on each other. Make special trips with them when you have a chance. If you have to go to the store, take one with you and allow him to pick out something special. Have dad take one out each weekend for something fun. Tell them they will go one at a time. This doesnt always just apply to twins. My sd6 was really reliant on her older brother. He couldnt be out of her sight until the few times I drug her away, I made it really fun for her, then she started doing better.

hatinthis31's picture

Submitted by hatinthis31 on Sun, 05/20/2012 - 7:32pm

i think this is normal..i hav twin boys age 10 they use to get in bed together during the nite but eventually grew out of it...i think they got comfort from each other and they always fight but will stick up for each other too!!!