Vent: skids' friends' parents? Am I the only one who feels this way?
BM wastes no time in marking her territory in her town- each new friend, even new kids at their school, she's all over the moms trying to be their BFF. They're all friends on Facebook and quite honestly, some of these women- when I meet them- seem pretty nice and cool- like people I might get along pretty well with- but ugh obviously that need never happen. DH says that people she knows on a superficial level probably don't have a clue how spiteful and crazy she is. I still just find myself struggling to respect them if they're at all impressed (enough to be on FB with her or drink wine with her when the twins are on one of their almost nightly sleepovers with their sons) with how loud, constantly right, and utterly FABULOUS she is. There are a couple families who have joined our town pool (their town is 17 miles away) and I swear, beyond niceties, I just can't imagine having to speak to them for any significant amount of time, and holding my tongue!
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Until recently BM lived about
Until recently BM lived about a mile from us. We NEVER saw her or had any interaction. Of course SS30 was long grown - but our paths just never crossed. We didn't even shop at the same grocery store.
Babybugged, you're kind to
Babybugged, you're kind to suggest that. I am lucky; I've lived and taught in this community for a long time, and while I enjoy meeting new people, I'm lucky to have no shortage of people who range from acquaintances to friends to a small number of close friends...it's just really weird needing to override my first inclination, to be open and friendly, with these people (like yesterday at the pool, when DH introduced me to the mom of a kid who has been to our house- I have only met Dad before, and they are divorced) and I instantly judge based on my wish for these people to see what we see.
BM is like this. I think it
BM is like this. I think it comes from a place of insecurity and vengence. I think she feels like befriending all these people, including our old high school friends, proves that she is more likeable than DH. Every since DH "stole" her precious golden child from her, she tries to take anything and everything. She competes to look like the better parent and for validation that someone/anyone is choosing her instead of DH/me. Reality is that DH doesn't go to the ball fields to make friends; he's the dad videoing SS4 hit the ball off the tee exactly the same way he did when he was last up to bat. He's the one making sure that SS can see him watching when SS shoots the thumbs up at us (which is frequent).
We've lost a lot of "friends" because we don't bother competing for friendships. I understand your frustration with those people. There's one particular Mom we were loosely friends with in the beginning when BM was extra horrible to deal with, then they became besties. It's curious to me that the same person who criticized her in the beginning finds her friend-worthy now. It also strikes me that BM goes out of her way to maintain friendships with people I was friends with back when I was just DH's girlfriend. I would go out with them and have drinks, go to concerts and casinos. Obviously when I became a mom I stopped living so wildly as I prefer to be with my kid. BM ditches SS to go hang out with these people...I guess she feels some kind of validation that they choose to call her to hang for a good time instead of me. Like DH I could care less. Those people were always just time-fillers for me; my family is my world and I would literally rather watch my son sleep than go hang out with any of those people anyway.
I feel this way about DH's
I feel this way about DH's relatives. Like really you are FB friends with BM after the way she treated and still tries to treat DH. It makes me not want to be around them or close to them.
BM will eventually show her true colors... people always do....
I have the same issue with
I have the same issue with our BM. I moved to a town where she has lived her whole life. So that makes me the newby.
I would attend the stepkids sports functions and be totally ignored by all the other BM's. Or there would be a few
that were nice to me but the next time I see them they would give me the side eye or ignore me.
They are all "friends" with BM. However, I have figured out, they are only friends during games and on FB.
Not once have I seen them out together or heard about them spending time together outside of the games.
I know BM and her SO have talked trash about me and therefore the other BM's just avoid me.
I'm really ok with that.
One interesting fact is, I was told by one of the more rebellious BM's that the coach of one of MSS's teams took
a vote from the parents as to whether to allow MSS to play on the team or not because of BM and her behavior.
Yup...BM thinks they all adore her and in fact they are all trying to find a way to get her kid off their team so
they don't have to deal with her.
Oh that is fantastic!!
Oh that is fantastic!! Interestingly enough, one parent of a former teammate of DS's (travel team, hence why a kid from her town was on DS's team) confided to me that she and her husband just roll their eyes when BM starts talking.....