OT-Update to DCP conundrum
First of all, thank you everyone for your help and insight today. After looking over everyone's comments, I did decide to reach out to BD's doctor. He's a really cool dude and we set up an observation appointment and a 15 minute meeting. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with her, that she is just 3 but he does understand she's very "autonomous and spirited" and said he would be more than happy to give me a few pointers after hearing what I'm dealing with as far as DCP's reports go and he told me to stop googling. He also said he has some resources that he would like to discuss as far as parenting classes or support. Which sounds wonderful.
I was pretty happy after talking with him and his phone nurse today.
I let DCP know I was going to go meet with her doctor to discuss her outlined concerns as well as get a few tips on what he thinks would be the best way to approach her non-compliance/disinterest/ineffectiveness of whatever it is that's happening.
WELL.
She in typical over the top fashion told me I was being ridiculous and she's nothing but a normal 3 year old and these are all normal things that 3 year olds do. I just need to pick a parenting style and stick to it. There is nothing wrong with her and DCP doesn't like doctors because all they do is "label" children. She said I need to do research on the internet and get more education (trust me, google and the internet is what led to this epic melt-down of mine the last couple of days) so I stood my ground. I'm keeping the appointment. It's already done. I need to talk to someone other than DCP and I've tried google and it's just not working for me. W in the actual F.
I feel like I'm being gaslighted.
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Comments
Momma D, I didn't comment on
Momma D, I didn't comment on your prior post as A) I have no children
I know nothing about children C) children???......BUT, I did read over it and wanted to chime in that I think you are pretty great in how you are going about this.
I, too, think that discipline can enhance a spirit without breaking it and I hope that this doctor can offer some resources to encourage that outcome
Thank you Veritas. This is so
Thank you Veritas. This is so hard :/ your support and understanding triely means a lot.
Did you ask her why the
Did you ask her why the sudden change of opinion? Wasn't she the one who told you to talk to kiddo's doctor? Wtf?
My head was spinning. I
My head was spinning. I grabbed BD an left because I could feel myself coming unhinged at that point. I needed air. And space. Lots of space.
And no, she didn't suggest
And no, she didn't suggest the doctor, she just has told me over the course of the year (more so lately) that my kid doesn't do things the other and younger kids can do, I don't discipline her enough or right an it's apparent and basically she's going to burn down pre-k next year. So I called the doctor and she was apperently surprised.
Um, SHE was the one being
Um, SHE was the one being ridiculous. I wouldn't take one lick of parenting advice from her.
If you are concerned, see a
If you are concerned, see a counselor or take a parenting class.
But I think your DCP is a little intense and negative.
I used to TEACH parenting classes. Obviously I don't know your kid, but she sounds kind of normal for 3.
It sounds like dd needs a new
It sounds like dd needs a new DCP, perhaps one that's not so bi polar and actually understands kids. Have you looked into a Montessori preschool? I hear those are great for kids who need less structure.
Your daughter sounds somewhat
Your daughter sounds somewhat like my niece. My sister generally used the ideas in "Parenting with Love and Logic" while raising her. The basic premise is all actions have consequences - both good and bad. Children learn best when allowed to make their own choices and when they are allowed to fail if they make the wrong choice.
If they choose to do something they have been told not to do - there is an immediate negative consequence. My sister started a mild version of a time out when my niece was under a year old.
The negative consequence can also be something like being cold when choosing to not wear a coat or being hungry when choosing not to eat.
This is also coupled with positive rewards for choosing the right option. Once again, the reward may simply be the fact that the child is warm because she chose to wear her coat.
My niece also attended a Montessori preschool for two years and loved it.
You are a great parent - don't let that DCP make you feel otherwise!
You can't take some people
You can't take some people seriously. Clearly, this DCP is one of those people. Out of all the people who have been paid to take care of my daughter from 0-4, only ONE ever had feedback of that nature, and that ONLY when I arranged a meeting to talk about my daughter's development. And as part of an overall picture and to give me some understanding of the development of kids at that age in general.
So just smile and nod from now on, say, "I'll look into that, thanks!" and move on.
My BD-just-turned-4 sounds much like yours... only much more compliant. I cared a lot about obedience for safety reasons (and for being polite reasons, two major values of mine), but actually, I don't want an obedient kid. I want a kid who is independent and thinks critically. So I went the route of giving my kid as much indepedence as we could both tolerate (some fluctuation there!) and giving as much positive reinforcement as possible for the bottom-line behaviour I wanted. (Example: I don't want her climbing on furniture at all because that's something rude to do in public or in other people's homes, even if I don't care about my sofa very much. So when she followed instructions to stay on her knees or bum while on the furniture (when she clearly would rather stand or jump or climb), I would thank her for her consideration, respectfulness of the rules, appreciate her polite behaviour, good listening, etc etc. Rather than comment on her doing as she was told, or focussing on the specific furniture issue.)