Advice please....

My two step children 6 and 8 have been living with my husband and I for over a year now. BM decided a year ago that she was moving in with her bf and basically "gave" primary physical custody over to my husband. We have been supporting the children (sports, insurance, every day expenses, etc.) BM would have them every other week and still pay nothing. Just recently (past few days) her bf broke up with her and she is moving out of his home back in with her mother. BM wants to uproot the children from our home, their school in about a month and a half once she gets on her feet because "SHE IS THE MOTHER". My husband is beside himself...hurt that she would even think that this is in the best interest of the children. Now that she has decided that she wants them back she wants to uproot their world. They are finally in a stable environment with routine and structure. My husband is worried that a judge would actually rule in her favor...I think no one in their right mind would give her back custody because she has now decided its convenient for her to be mom.....now that her bf has dumped her. Am i wrong?
My husband tried coming up with a schedule so that she could still see the children and she chose to only see them every other weekend...and "its my husbands fault that this is all happening"....she is a joke. But the problem is her mother is just as crazy as her and will push for a messy court battle and drag these children through it all because BGM wants to see the kids more.
I am at a loss...I tell my husband that shes just talk and to continue to do everything we have been doing. Document every thing that is said by BM. And keep a calendar of the days she actually sees them...just in case it does become a court battle. But for the time being with the kids having our primary address and attending school in our school district can BM take them way???

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Your husband needs to go to

Your husband needs to go to court. The judge will likely rule to keep them in their current situation instead of uprooting them.

I totally agree with Max, idk

I totally agree with Max, idk what state you live in but in the state I was at my husband was able to win full custody of his 3 children because she decided to see how her stability would be with her bf and all though he has it all, all she does is lay around and has no job no career nothing stable so with that being said the judge did not see how the kids could even be with her since she didn't have anything to offer. (she tired fighting 4 times, got denied all 4 times at court, judge told her to stop wasting time)

when she "gave" custody to

when she "gave" custody to your dh, was it done through the proper legal channels? or was this an "off the books" arrangement between the two?

if there is no formal, finalized document on file at the courthouse, your dh needs to file for emergency custody ASAP. if the custody change was done properly, she can suck eggs and file a motion herself.

Ugh... I hope your DH does

Ugh... I hope your DH does whatever he can to block her from doing this. Because the BM crystal ball is clear here... she just wants the kids back UNTIL she gets a new flavor of the month, then she'll be dropping them like a hot potato again and that is so unfair to the little ones. Sucks that you guys get saddled with them with no CS from BM, but your home is definitely the right place for them with a BM like this.

Tuff gave you good advice.

IF you have a custody order already in place she'll need to do a lot more than break up with her boyfriend to change it. In a good number of states there needs to be a reason-that effects the children-for it to be seriously considered. When our BM "gave" us custody of SS the first thing we did was file for primary physical custody.

IF NOT file for a temp order yesterday. It'll leave a pit in your stomach but you'll be glad you did. Also know that when it does go to court the court isn't interested in you or your thoughts. Pep talk your DH, make sure he is clear on what you want and then support him in advocating for it.

As far as BM goes if you had any contact with her prior to this-cut ties now because you'll be an easy target for her.

I also think-and this is just IMHO, that a judge won't uproot the children on a whim to live in someone else's home with a wish washy unstable mother esp when their school district is established and their home life is stable.

As best you can-leave the kids out of it. Don't talk to them about what is going on, don't tell them what has been said. If during her visitation she says something and they repeat it to you, process it with them and reassure them while never saying a bad word about BM. BM's LOVE to dig their own holes and those kids will be grown one day.

Thanks for all of the

Thanks for all of the advice....We thought we had everything set up. The custody order was modified by DH and BM last year...they both signed. My DH's lawyer signed off then sent to her lawyer. Not thinking anything of it we have been going about our business taking care of the kids...for BM to throw in my DH's face a few days ago that her lawyer never signed off on the modified custody agreement last year and sent it to the judge. So basically it looks like we have a CO for BM to have custody with my DH only having weekend visitation.

However...doesn't it look like she abandened the her kids if she hasn't been sticking to the CO? Can DH still file an emergency custody petition??
With all information at our school for them. She is even listed on the school information for just receiving information....can she really still just take them???

This seems like it is going to be tough. These kids need stability. They call my children their brother and sister...we are a family. How can she rip them out of our home??? My DH is the best man/father i know..if this happens he will be heartbroken. He faught for primary custody when BM and him split....but was told by the judge bc she enrolled them in school first they would not take them from her. So a year of him fighting he gave up bc he couldn't be heard by the judge...only the lawyers would talk and he had nothing proving her unfit....fast forward 6 months then she "gives" the kids to him so she can move in with her bf.....Now we have them over a year and they can be "ripped" out of our home.............This is going to be fight i hope BM is prepared to have.

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