Whose job is it to discipline?

Just wondering how y'all handle discipline in your houses? We had an issue with our SS this weekend and instead of DH and I discussing it he called BM and got her involved. Didn't say NOTHING to me and then finally I had to ask him the next day what had happened. Thanks bud. I just felt like there are three people in our marriage and was thinking that it really sucks that BM has so much control on what goes on at our house. I'm tired of it. Blah.

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What goes on in your house is

What goes on in your house is between YOU and HUBBY. Got absolutely DIDDLEYSQUAT to do with the BM. The only time BM should become involved is when your hubby tells her what happened. Not before. Ask hubby to reverse the roles and tell you how he would feel if you did that to him.

I said something to him about

I said something to him about how I didn't understand why he got BM involved and he said he was just disgusted with SS and wanted her to come and get him. It still bothered me though - if he was upset couldn't we have discussed what we could do about it???

Well I let DH handle both

Well I let DH handle both ss's when they come over ....if kids do something I will say something about it, then I will tell them to go to thier room while I go discuss this with your dad..and then DH goes and talks to them or spanks them. I play no role in spanking at all! But almost all of us wives on here have problems with DH talking to BM about what goes on in our houses....but sadly it can get minimized, but it wont stop! If DH is not talking the kids will!

SS did not end up going back

SS did not end up going back to BM. Between the three of them, they discussed the issue and SS stayed through the weekend.

My problem is that I feel

My problem is that I feel like an outsider in my own house and that I don't have any involvement in what happens there. It affects me and my children. If SS is mad, he takes it out on everyone. DH wants me to be a parental figure to the SSs (i.e. tell them to pick up their rooms, make them dinners, take them on outings, help them with their homework, go to their games, buy them presents for birthdays, etc) but when there is a problem doesn't talk to ME about it? That's fine if he felt it was big enough to to involve BM but don't you think it would have been better to discuss with his wife, come up with a solution that we thought was best, and then maybe run it by BM?) Instead of totally not including me at all? No wonder so many stepmoms just disengage! It would be easier if I was like your kid, your problem.

I think it really depends on

I think it really depends on the severity of the wrong doing by the SS. BUT, there is NO REASON that you shouldn't have been informed and involved to some degree. That is YOUR home. If the transgression was severe, then I think it is important to get the other bio parent involved. So the kid doesn't think they can get away with that at the other house. I know for our situation, it is vital that all of the kids understand that the parents TALK, and we all know what goes on when it comes to behavior. I am not talking about back talking, or dirty bedrooms. But major offenses, like stealing or something of that degree, should be shared with both households.
With all of that said, shame on your DH for not talking to you first. That would not go over well in my house!!

It wasn't stealing or

It wasn't stealing or anything - DH just didn't like something SS said.

Thank you for your post

Thank you for your post HelpMeee...

I don't know why DH consulted BM in this case - the only thing he told me was that he was going to have her come pick SS up because he couldn't deal with him -

Our BM is ok - I don't really have to deal with her much if at all - she just does not have any rules at her house and pretty much lets the kids do what they want - so they think they are adults and question DH if he tells them to do something - so they tend to act out - I don't think she has to deal with it thought because she never tells them no

So now they are meeting to

So now they are meeting to discuss the issues. Just her and him.

I totally agree with what you

I totally agree with what you said about what he could do that would be appropriate. Thanks!

My house, my rules, my

My house, my rules, my discipline. I share the house with my wife so it is our house, our rules and our discipline.

I am StepDad and I insist on being an equity parent to my Skid and I don't give a flying rat's ass what BioDad has to say about it, thinks about it or feels about it.

I will discipine any kid that resides in my home, is visiting or even in my yard if their behavior warrants it.

If my wife was having a pow-wow with BioDad about the Skid, I would be there. I am the kid's only full time dad and I have far more say in discipline and any other matter than BioDad has.

Of course the courts would not agree with me but I would beat the snot out of BioDad with the CO, my attorney and my check book if he decided to ever challenge me on anything regarding my family which includes the oldest of his four out-of-wedlock spawn by three different womb donors.

Fortunately my wife has no use for the SpermIdiot and would never seek his opinion about anything.

Best regards,