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I am going insane...NEED help!

momof 4girls's picture

Submitted by momof 4girls on Tue, 10/12/2010 - 10:24am

I am a first timer. I have looked for something like this for so long.

I have 2 biological daughters 7 and 9. I also have 2 step daughters 10 and 12. I am having so much trouble with the 10 year old. So is everyone else though.

She talks to EVERYONE like they are stupid. Everything that comes out of her mouth is ignorant and mean. She is almost 11 and thinks that she is better than everyone and it shows in how she talks and treats everyone. She is one of the most inconsiderate and inappropriate children that I have every incountered.

Her mom screwed up really bad and we got custody of them. My (my kids) life has been HELL since they have come to live with us. I have so much to say about her, but I am not sure where to begin.

She lies, cheats, steals, sabotages, ruins friendships, talks about people, bullies, manipulates, uses people for her benifit, and on and on and on. I told my husband/her father last night that I will not deal with her anymore. I will not subject myself or my kids to her disrespect and attitude anymore. Something need to be done about her before she becomes so unruley that she can't be helped.

What can I do??? I refuse to let a 10 year old little girl distroy MY household, but I can't give my husband the its her or me ultimatum either. It is not far to him because she is her mother. HELP!!!

Comments

Timetogiveup's picture

Submitted by Timetogiveup on Tue, 10/12/2010 - 11:10am

She sounds like she has a serious problem that needs professional help.....take her to a shrink ASAP!!! IMO...she is a little bit beyond a "product of divorce" (I hate that term). Is there any mental illness in either family?

Timetogiveup's picture

Submitted by Timetogiveup on Tue, 10/12/2010 - 11:45am

You don't think this child is disturbed? What ever the case...if there is a phyiscal cause or if it is SM's "fault". You are right this kid is SCREAMING for help. I think it goes beyond the realm of laying down the household rules.

Timetogiveup's picture

Submitted by Timetogiveup on Tue, 10/12/2010 - 12:15pm

I think it very possible that the kid learned behaviors from BM.

I just don't think its OK to say well, she is acting like that because of the divorce, the SM, the BM. Granted she is only 10 but what happened when she ages...its still someone else's fault? Personally I can't stand it when an adult blames a "bad" behavior on his/hers upbringing. I think that is what is starting with this child.

This kid needs helps.....she is a handful already!! Look at the list of behaviors she already has....OMG....what is she going to be like at 16?

I think the kid needs therapy and some tough love.

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Tue, 10/12/2010 - 11:27am

We had this same problem with SS when we all first started living together. He was 11 at the time. His father was doing the guilty parent thing and allowing it to continue, until I put my foot down. I had to remind him that he is the child, and WE are the adults. That sort of behavior is unacceptable! Talk to your husband, get him on the same page. If he will put his foot down each and every time she acts this way, she will eventually stop. I do think it needs to be him, tho, and not you. Good luck Smile

hbell0428's picture

Submitted by hbell0428 on Tue, 10/12/2010 - 11:33am

I don't think it's mental; I think she is testing her limits of how far she can PUSH - especailly YOU. MY SD13 has done this several times; doing things and looking out the corner of her eye for a reaction. SO annoying; but I find when I just (I am sorry if this seems childish but....) walk right by her when she does this and dont let her know how much I am ready to scream - she stops. I talk to dad alone later in hopes something will change. Blended families are hard!! It takes awhile to get them out of that routine. don't they say that it takes like 3 months (consistancy) to get children to change behavior??

I am no expert - I am working on over 11 years.......LOL

momof 4girls's picture

Submitted by momof 4girls on Wed, 10/13/2010 - 8:37am

Wow...I wasn't expecting so many comments. Thank you all. I agree with all of you in part. Her BM is an alcoholic that works as a bar tender. (DUH!!!!) She also had an abusive BF and would smoke pot in front of the kids (DUH AGAIN!!!) They've been through DARE. They know what it is and what it smells like. All the BM and her mom do is yell and curse at each other. Her BM is a real bitch.

I this she is a product of her surroundings. She is her mother! Sad When she is at her moms there are no rules and no consequences for what she does. BM just gets drunk again so she don't have to deal with it. It's sad. We have had them for 2 yrs now. It's getting worse not better. I fear that SD10 is going to end up pregnant by 15 and/or in jail.

SD10 does little things that purposely hurt people and she enjoys the pain. You can literally she the joy on her face. SD10 blames everyone for what she has done. She never owns up to her mistakes. Her behavior is disturbing to me.

I have tried for years to no let her bother me. Telling myself she's had it rough and to let it go, but I am fed up. I agree whole heartedly that she needs her ass whooped and to be knocked off her princess pedestal. BM doesn't agree and anytime I try to punish her both me and my husband get an earful. My husband doesn't want to deal with BM so he only spanks when she has done something terrible (like push BD7 off the top bunk on her back).

I am tring not to hate SD10, but she is making that so hard. My head and stomach always hurt. I don't even want to come home from work half the time. I am almost to the point that I want to leave before my BD's become anymore like SD10 or worse in the hospital because of her.

Anymore advise???