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“I don’t know “.... -SD17

Momof2plus1's picture

Submitted by Momof2plus1 on Tue, 01/26/2021 - 9:09pm

Ahhh. Indecision. Whenever I ask my SD 17 what she wants for lunch (yeah, you'd think she could pack her own effing lunch), or which restaurant she wants to go to for her birthday- or ANYTHING- her answer "I don't know...." I pointed out that's the only answer I ever get. So now she says, "I don't know....well, I mean, I don't mind..." Damn. Is it that hard to THINK??? 
I just bite my tongue as often as possible. I don't deal well with stupid... there is no creative bone in her body or an over stressed neuron in her tiny brain. Sigh.

Comments

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Tue, 01/26/2021 - 9:22pm

Oh heck no....stop packing that woman's lunch! My daughter's been packing her own since she was 11. I bet she will make a decision when it's that or - gasp - cafeteria food! 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 3:29am

Or she can be hungry all day.  That will remind her to sort out lunch in future.

Momof2plus1's picture

Submitted by Momof2plus1 on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 5:20am

Her mom packs her lunch. Or her dad packs her lunch. I made her pack it a few times, and she picks cookies and chips. I honestly don't want her in the kitchen during the morning rush Bc she moves slower than molasses. I just want her outta my way. Last night I told her to figure out wth she wants for lunch and pack it! I left it up to DH and herself. He packed it. Some day she will have to figure it out. I kinda wash my hands of her. She has no cafeteria at her school Bc there are hardly any kids there. It's a school for learning disabilities. She's not so retarded that she can't do basic crap for herself, though. I married her dad when she was 13 1/2. At that point her parents had spoiled her and did everything for her (only child). I kept telling DH she needs to do things for herself!!! I give up telling him - but he knows. 

Uncomfortable's picture

Submitted by Uncomfortable on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 9:50pm

Refrain from using the word "retarded."  Its so derogatory towards people with developmental disabilities.  
 

Also, why is a sibling allowed to "boss" her around?  It sounds like she doesn't have much self-esteem or confidence.  I wonder how her Father could help her become more comfortable with her voice? 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Tue, 01/26/2021 - 9:55pm

Whenever I asked SD or YSS anything, within 2 minutes, I'd hear variations of yes, no and maybe.  I think they were afraid to give me a "wrong" answer.  I stopped asking questions 

Momof2plus1's picture

Submitted by Momof2plus1 on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 7:07am

I'm pretty much there. I'm just gonna make decisions for her since she can't think for herself. Once in a blue moon she will tell my DH in confidence that she wants to go do xyz or eat somewhere. He gives in Bc she rarely wants to do anything. The latest thing was going to do an escape room. He had no idea it costed $120 for 4 of us (the other kid went to Universal with a friend, so he "felt bad" that she didn't get to go too). Sometimes he plays tough dad, and other times he spoils her and caves in.... 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 4:48am

I packed my own lunch at 9. Why are you doing this for her? You are enabling her to continue to be dependent. 

Momof2plus1's picture

Submitted by Momof2plus1 on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 5:22am

See above reply... I agree with you. I resent doing ANYTHING for her. I keep telling her she's old enough to do things for herself. Her Dad and BM enabled her LONGGG before I came about. 

Momof2plus1's picture

Submitted by Momof2plus1 on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 7:02am

A) I kept letting her know this morning "you're 17. You can and should do more things for yourself." 
Dirol her dad made her lunch this am, and then got up and packed it in her lunchbox. I texted him and said "She's old enough to make it herself. IF you insist on making it, at LEAST make her PACK it herself! She's 17!" He has no response. He knows I'm right. His whole outlook on his daughter is "if she doesn't get it now, even though I keep telling her and having talks with her, she will have to eventually learn by failing." 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 7:09am

No - if that was his outlook, he wouldn't make her lunch. His outlook is "Poor baby can't cope with these things, I'd better make it for her or she won't eat lunch."

He's effectively telling her that he has no faith in her ability to succeed as an adult.

Momof2plus1's picture

Submitted by Momof2plus1 on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 9:30am

I totally agree with you! I am raising my two children to be self sufficient. This morning my 9 year old son said "sister you're 17! Why don't you make your own food!? I'm gonna make my own breakfast. My mom shouldn't be doing anything for you." From the mouths of babes. I love that kid. She has no personality. She just shrugs her shoulders and says "I don't know."

Momof2plus1's picture

Submitted by Momof2plus1 on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 10:32am

Again, I  agree with you! The more I hound my DH to encourage her to do more on her own - the more it just sounds like nagging....and I'm tired. She will eventually be kicked to the curb. She won't live here forever. She will have to figure it out.

I am raising my two children to be self sufficient. This morning my 9 year old son said "sister you're 17! Why don't you make your own food!? I'm gonna make my own breakfast. My mom shouldn't be doing anything for you." From the mouths of babes. I love that kid. She has no personality. She just shrugs her shoulders and says "I don't know."

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 10:20am

Right - and your DH isn't. So I'd let him know NOW that you don't plan to be living with her when she's 30, so he'd better get to work on launching plans. They are treating her like she's a young child, no wonder she's never learned any life skills. 

Momof2plus1's picture

Submitted by Momof2plus1 on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 1:38pm

Oh he pretty much refuses to let her live here if she's no longer in school. He's pushing her to the military. We are willing to guide her if she shows she has some drive/ desire to do something other than sit on her arse. He will not tolerate (nor will I) any of these kids sucking off us once they are capable adults. My DH left the house at 17 after he graduated HS and went into the Army for 2 years. He reminds her he was her age and on his own.

Hastings's picture

Submitted by Hastings on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 11:21am

My SS10 tends to say "I don't know". But in his case, it seems to me he's wanting us to guess. He tends to hint around at things he wants, then gets sullen when we don't respond. We expect him to ASK. Sometimes the answer is yes (seconds) sometimes no (chips right before bedtime).

SS is still pretty helpless about nearly everything. I finally got sick of it and taught him to make a PBJ. If my 6-year-old niece can make one, he can. He actually seemed pretty pleased and empowered. BM infantalizes him and DH alternates between being clueless about kids' capabilities and not having the patience or desire to bother teaching him stuff.

Momof2plus1's picture

Submitted by Momof2plus1 on Wed, 01/27/2021 - 1:35pm

I know how you feel about the DH situation. Mine had no idea that she couldn't change sheets or a toilet paper roll. I think that when he was single, they just didn't change either.*shok*