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SD22's Babyshower ----arg ....at it again... will it ever end

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Sat, 10/15/2011 - 1:22am

So today was actually having a good day, I should have known not to do that. Today in the mail, four SEPARATE invitations came, one for my husband addressed to him only, one addressed to just SS21, one addressed just to SD16, and one addressed just to SS18. These were for SD22's babyshower, which is supposed to be a "couples" babyshower. I was purposefully left out. I was furious. If she had just invited the family, I would not have gone and all would have been well. No big deal. No need to drive the dagger further into my heart now is there. The point is taken, I know I"m not welcome, but she just has to get the dig in.

So I bring the invites in and I"m so pissed off that I'm shaking. Keep in mind today is my husband's 50th birthday. We had plans to go out to dinner, me, him, SD16, and SS 18. I brought him the invitation,which I'd already opened and handed it to him to see. Then he starts trying to defend it. The I go grab the other invites and show him what was done.

Then he has the audacity to tell me that he doesn't know what I'm so upset because I wouldn't have gone anyways now would I, so why am I so upset? I literally blew a gasket. I said, you know you're right. I'm over reacting. I grabbed my stuff after he walked out of the room and I walked out the door and left. I left at 4:30 pm and didn't come home till nearly 10 pm. Needless to say, I did not take him out to dinner. I don't think I could have stayed sane enough to be nice to him. I was fricking to pissed I was shaking. I ended up going to my friends house and crying for a while because I was so pissed off.

So now that I'm home, I get to thinking. There is an RSVP on it. And the person who is putting on the shower is the baby daddy's Mother. I'm thinking I'm going to call her and say "Oh DH and I got the invites and we're so excited to come and we're RSVP'ing for the two of us. The other kids will be calling later. Thanks buh bye!

What woulld you all do??

Comments

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Sat, 10/15/2011 - 2:44am

I would do nothing, since I wasn't invited. It's too bad really, because I give awesome gifts, lol!

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Sat, 10/15/2011 - 8:34am

All of my mothers side of the family does Couples showers...Very progressive family. My first wedding had both a couples and regular shower, for my son same thing. Maybe it is a midwest thing. But, they are actually pretty fun. No games, just food and good conversation.

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Sat, 10/15/2011 - 11:35am

I know I keep saying to my husband "would you allow a stranger to treat me such and such a way?" and of course he says "no". Then I ask him "then why do you let your kids treat me the way you let them treat me?" He has no answer for that. Or, he says "I don't know." I am more pissed at my H because he keeps saying she is warming to me (bull!), he told me the other day that he just wishes that she and I would "come to our senses" -- I couldn't believe he said that to me. I looked at him and I said "YOU need to come to YOUR senses."

I mean, seriously! I have tried with that little monster. Tried over and over and over. I"M DONE! Seriously, she KNEW if she sent a family invite to the house that I wouldn't have come, so why do it this way? To make a point! To make sure to tell me "you're not welcome." And the thing that gets me is that baby daddy's mother made out the invites, printed the invites and mailed the invites -- she is MY age and playing this stupid little game too. Wow.

I just don't know where to go from here. I have a lot of thinking and praying to do because I'm seriously considering leaving. I'm thinking that this is never ever going to end -- with any of his kids. I'm going to have to live with this for the rest of my life, X4. I don't think I can do this.

Thanks all for your love and support.

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Sat, 10/15/2011 - 11:18am

I did show him all the invites. And yes SDs fir kid. And yes I'm sure she will say I not be present, which i'm fine. She sent individual invites to our house (mailed) for her siblings and my husband. I showed him (DH). I'm not going to feel bad that I opened "his" mail.

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Sat, 10/15/2011 - 11:22am

Thank you Jae.... Smile Made me smile .... last night was tough. Went to my best friends and cried for a while and am still feeling weepy this am. I normally don't get weepy --- just get pissed. I think I'm getting to the point of "done".

Keep in mind I'm not going to the shower, I just want to hear what baby daddy's mom would say "wha- wha- wha-...." lol and then hear her tell me that I can't come....and then tell her, just wait, she'll turn on you too -- crazy just hasn't come out yet.....nah, I'm not going to tell her that. What's the fun in that? If she can't see that this little nut job has turned on everyone in her life and the way she is treating those around her, and that its possible that she'll just do it to them too?? Seriously. Wake up Baby Daddy Grandma.

LizzieA's picture

Submitted by LizzieA on Sat, 10/15/2011 - 3:46pm

I've been there too, when SGK had his first birthday and SD manipulated her aunts (DH's sisters) to pay for ONLY DH to come for the party. We couldn't afford it because we'd just booked tickets for 3 months later when my DD was having her first baby. They all live 1000 miles away. DH felt emotionally blackmailed by how it all went down and reluctantly went. He vowed it wouldn't happen again. I gave him a stretch because he is really good about setting boundaries and standing up for us. (unusual I guess, he is not a guilty daddy 99% of the time)

Anyway, I was so hurt! I cried and cried. I was the ONLY family member not at the party, which was at BMs of course (SD lives with her). Something snapped in me and I totally disengaged. Oddly (maybe it was a miracle) they all have treated me great since that time, SILs, SD, even BM.

Unfortunately it is up to your DH to call SD on this behavior. I remember feeling hurt when I saw the shower invite list (before we moved) and I wasn't on it. About 100 other people were. I didn't go, although DH called SD on it and she said I was invited. The last thing I wanted at that time was to be in a room with all BM's bitchy friends and the horrible SILS.

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Sun, 10/16/2011 - 6:58pm

My DH is now talking about going to the shower so as not to offend his SD22. He wants to know my opinion. He says either way, he's going to offend someone, so he can't win. He says "I won't stay long" and its not like he wants to be there. Says he'll just take a small gift and then get out of there as quick as possible. Seriously? Wow.

I told him I was not going to make this decision for him because he's a big boy, and he needs to make a decision on his own for a change without my input. So he says that if I wouldn't be offended he would be going (even though his daughter has treated me like CRAP for so many years).

So I told him that he should ask some other people's opinions. So he's going to ask his brother's opinion and our pastor's opinion. He is currently on the phone with his brother. He seriously DOES NOT GET IT.