UPDATE: Husband's Children stressing me out
I have two children, and my husband has two children. We are having a child together, and I'm due in October. His children are five and seven. They live with their mom, and are with us on the weekends. From the very beginning, I have been involved with them. I worked Monday-Friday, and I gave up my free time on the weekends to look after them while he worked. If I made plans and couldn't watch them, he would get angry. I was not allowed to have a life outside of them. I asked him to switch visitation, since he wasn't spending time with them. He refused. His children are not well behaved. They do not respect me. They don't listen to anything I say. In public, they're unruly. I would just stay home on the weekends, because I couldn't take them out in public. His daughter, 5, talks back, rolls her her eyes at me, and he thinks it's funny. She has stolen from my children, and even had CPS at my home, due to her lies. His son put a hole in a wall in my parents' home, and didn't say anything. He covered it up. DuH makes excuses for them, saying kids will be kids. They have no consequences for their actions. He is angry, because I have disengaged. My pregnancy is very high risk, and this has caused me stress.
He lost his job, and I said we could not keep the kids past the weekend, because money is very tight here. I have two children that live here full time, and their dad provides no support. Due to my pregnancy being high risk, I am on leave early, and have limited income. DuH has no income, and my responsibility is to make sure the kids that are here full time are taken care of. BM runs the streets, and then I'm taking care of the kids. They go home to a house full of food, when she finally picks them up, and we are stuck eating ramen noodles. BM is no longer allowed on my property. The last time she came to pick up the kids, after leaving town to party for a week, she brought over her boyfriend. Her boyfriend beat up my husband, right in front of the kids. My DuH would not let me call the police. He acts like nothing ever happened, and continues to kiss BM's ass, after she had him beat up in front of their children.
Today is the last straw. His son damaged a $500 piece of furniture in my parents' home last week. I did not know about it until today, because my parents' discovered it last night. His attitude is kids come over, so your parents should just deal with it. He feels my parents shouldn't have nice things in their home, so it's their fault. My parents are angry, and said they are no longer welcome in their home. My parents have had all of us over for holidays, and his son runs around, not listening, and bothering the other children there. Whenever I try to correct the behavior, my DuH gets angry. My parents have tried to embrace the children, but with this behavior, they just cannot have them in their lives anymore. He feels I need to force my parents to be their grandparents. I won't do that.
Yesterday, his son was throwing things at the neighbors' windows, and a neighbor caught him. He lied about it, and his dad believed him. Today he admitted he did do it. He refuses to parent them, and expects everyone to put up with it. I can't do it anymore. I have given up so much time and money to help him with the kids, and he can't parent them. Then today in front of his kids, he tells them, she doesn't want you. Really? All I want for him to do is back me up. He won't, because they're perfect angels.
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I was in the shower when it
I was in the shower when it happened. They left that morning, and soon as he got ready to walk them to the car, I got in the shower. I didn't hear a thing. When I got out, he had already come into the house, and that's when I found out what happened. When I tried to call, he took my phone from me. I wanted to file a restraining order. He said I was making things worse.
I love this baby inside of
I love this baby inside of me, but if I could turn back time, I would have left before this. I had put my foot down about me having my free time before I became pregnant. I would go visit friends and leave very early in the morning, so he had to find a baby sitter. That was working for me. The new developments have happened in the last three months, with the job loss, fight, and recent damage.
I told him I wanted a
I told him I wanted a divorce, and that this baby would not make me stay in a marriage where I am unhappy. This is my home. My parents have offered to help me with bills until I go back to work. I cannot do this anymore. I have always been a strong woman, and this is wearing me down. Yes, I agree this has nothing to do with job loss. He blames the recent issues on his job loss. I've told him it's not an excuse.
Momoftwo, glad it's your
Momoftwo, glad it's your house and that you have supportive parents! Kick him to the curb and get the locks changed. Call an attorney in the morning after you go to the bank and close any joint accounts. Hugs!
No joint accounts, thank
No joint accounts, thank goodness. I refused to have a joint account. I found out he was giving BM extra money instead of buying what the kids needed. I didn't want him ever going in my account to give her money.
^^^Every word of
^^^Every word of this^^^
Don't tolerate DH'S behavior. Save yourself and your kids!
Why are you allowing your
Why are you allowing your husband this much control? He wouldn't "allow" you to call the police? Because he was able to physically prevent you in the midst of getting beaten up? You weren't allowed to have a life outside his kids? How do you figure? Because he got angry? Why are you allowing his emotional state to dictate your life? When he refused to change the visitation schedule why didn't you refuse to watch them?
Honestly, he sounds like a controlling nightmare. He's trying to control you and even your parents... He has no job, doesn't parent the kids he has, is more vested in keeping BM happy than you.... What are you getting out of this situation other than the disrespect, the need to support more people and the very real possibility of losing your own children because of his kid's lies? On top of this he's now throwing you under the bus and undermining you to these kids.... It doesn't sound like he has any respect or concern for you.
I was in the shower when the
I was in the shower when the fight happened. When I got out, he was already back inside. He was all sweaty and red. I asked what happened. He told me what happened. I said I was calling the police. He took my phone from me, and said I would only make things worse.
I refused to watch the kids when I got fed up. I would leave early in the morning, forcing him to find a baby sitter.
I told him today that I can't so this anymore. I want a divorce. My children are more important. When I found about the furniture damage, I told them they had to go. He expects everyone to cater to him and his children. It's all about him, and everyone else should deal with it. He told me to choose between him and my parents. I chose my parents. They have always been there foe me.
Your DH is a POS. Get rid of
Your DH is a POS. Get rid of him. No brainer.
If you are serious about a
If you are serious about a divorce start taking some action. Make appointments with the three best divorce attorneys in town. Hire one and start figuring out what your options are.
If you feel unsafe while this is getting started, stay with your parents.
Get your finances in order. It should be easier if you have no joint accounts. Gather all important papers and store them somewhere outside of the house. Get your own cell phone account.
Outside of your DH being a complete jerk the other thing that stood out to me was the fact that CPS has been out due to SD5. If this happens again, depending on the story, you run the risk of losing your kids. You should not ever be alone with her.
Unfortunately, you've
Unfortunately, you've complicated a departure plan with a pregnancy so you're stuck for a bit. Once things settle, I personally would be saving money and moving out. This level of dysfunction is a dealbreaker for me.
The house is hers, and her
The house is hers, and her parents are willing to help. I'd kick him out immediately.
And I'm not one to yell "Leave!" every time someone feels slighted.
Your life will be so much easier without him!
Your husband sounds like a
Your husband sounds like a narcissitic dick.
When I first started reading your story, I was thinking "here we go again....asshole husband, doormat wife/SM", but I perked up when you described how you stood up for yourself and started setting boundaries!
Please kick your loser DuH and his evil spawn OUT the door and concentrate on yourself and your baby. Follow the advice of the above ladies and get an attorney and start getting your ducks in a row. Let your parents help you.
Stay strong! Please keep us updated.
I'm back with an
I'm back with an update.
Yesterday was bad. He came back the night I asked him to leave. I ignored him, and didn't say a word to him all day. He paid the entire mortgage this month, and had the nerve to ask me for $300 of it back. I said no. I said as a man, he should be paying the mortgage anyway. He started screaming at me. He was so close to my face, and I thought he was going to hit me. I kept asking him to leave. He was physically blocking me from taking my kids and leaving the house. He kept saying he was just trying to talk to me and save his family. I told him I was calling the police. He said he didn't care. I called my parents, and he finally left before they got there.
I repeatedly asked him to please get his things and go. He said no, he paid the mortgage this month so he wasn't going anywhere. Well, he gave me cash, and I wrote the check off my account. This is the first time he has ever paid the entire mortgage. Usually he pays only half, and has never paid any of the other bills. I pay everything else. He said my dad was not allowed in this house. My parents helped me buy this house, and when times had been difficult, have helped me. They are always welcome in my home. I will not let him run them away. He didn't come back here last night. My cousin said if he comes back, call him right away, and he will make sure nothing happens. My dad is coming tomorrow since he is off work to change the locks.
I've had enough. The whole time he was screaming at me, he was calling me bitches and whores, and questioning the paternity of our unborn child. He cannot come back here. I've done way too much and put up with way too much to be treated this way.
He he had the nerve to text me saying I owed him gas money so he can get to his new job when it starts. Yeah right. Ask your BM. You seem to care about her so much.
You might consider filing for
You might consider filing for a restraining order. It will give you cause to call the police if he shows up at the door. You can probably get a temporary one based on what happened. I'm sure you were very afraid when he yelled at you - you were probably also afraid that he might hit you. I bet you are also very worried about what might happen if he comes back to the house.