Your stepkids are their own people. They don't need to like you. They just need to be respectful of you.

If they don't want to engage with you, then don't engage with them. If your DW asks why, explain that you don't want to continue to upset them and get your feelings hurt when they don't reciprocate, so you're stepping back unless they ask for you to step forward.

You have a baby on the way that will take up much of your time and energy. Put your all into them. Your SKs have an active mother, father, and grandparents. They don't need you. Your baby will. Focus on the baby.

You're not their dad, and new baby isn't going to change that for them.  It's reasonable for you to expect the skids to be respectful and to acknowledge your existence when they walk in a room.  It's reasonable to expect them to pick up the phone if you call.  But I doubt seriously that you'll ever get an "I love you, Dad," and you would be wise to stop expecting that.

So the kids rush into the room and say good morning to their mother, ignore you, over and over, and she does NOTHING? So exactly why are you an "active stepdad" when neither they nor your wife appreciate it?  She can't even be bothered to demand that they be respectful to you.

Well, as the others said, don't bother doing any of the things you do for them - just focus on your baby when he/she comes. If your wife can't be bothered to ask her kids to respect you, don't be bothered to help her with anything related to them.

I can't even imagine my DH tolerating that kind of rudeness from his son.

really bothers me - this is your home, and you deserve acknowledgement.

It happened to me and it was a manipulation tool by Toxic Feral Eldest. After many clashings where she was supremely disrespecful. One time she wanted the fresh strawberries that she knew were mine,and  she pointedly ask her father, while I was sitting right there, and when she walked away after being told they were mine, that cemented that. No way would I do any special meals, or special favors for her - not after the way she treated me. And the blowouts were really bad too.

Your DW should have a talk with kiddos, when you are in a different room, just to mention that the not acknowledging someone in the room when they enter is considered rude.

ANd yes, lay down the law - this is your bedroom, your sactuary. In my home, children knock before coming in. 

You should expect acknowledgment from them, but not love. But, my SS barely shows acknowledgement to me. It's fine by me though, as I thoroughly do not like him.

I'm trying to remember if SS ever really showed much acknowledgement for me and I really can't say for sure. He used to like doing things with me early in the relationship because DH was just on cloud 9 with me and the skids were getting benefits from that. But I think once I became a threat to his time with DH and the household started to change (healthier eating, more discipline, etc), he distanced himself from me. It was the opposite for SD - she was always close but became closer with me over the years.

If he's not respectful to you, your DW should be addressing it, but other than that, enjoy not having to deal with them. There's a chance, since they ignore you, that they'll ignore their new little sibling. SS has no relationship with his little brother and it's sad the lengths that DH goes to to try and get SS to change. DH will just start snapping photos at any occasion that SS even talks to DS, because that will be the only time he'll ever have pictures of them together. It's sad and I want no part of DH's pathetic attempts. I focus on DS and barely acknowledge SS as well. Though I am the adult, so I am cordial, but I do very little specifically for SS.

I agree with all the posters. Focus on your beautiful bundle of joy that is on the way. Have a talk with wife about her addressing the kids having some form of decency and respect and shut down the whole running into the bedroom nonsense. Kids have to learn to knock and have the basic manners to be able to say hi, thank you, and be cordial.

Place all your love, time, and energy on the baby and disengage from stepkids if this is what will bring you peace.

Congratulations!