10 year old acting like a damn 4 year old.
My recent posts I’ve talked about how irritating my SD is to me. I tried disengagement and it didn’t work because my husband started getting angry I didn’t help take care of his kid. Stupid ex wife of his is on his ass because I’m not doing his kid’s laundry anymore. So here I am. Taking care of a damn kid who doesn’t even appreciate my help. I have a 3 month old LO who has colic so I’m pretty frustrated throughout the day. Damn SD comes home and makes my daughter cry even more.
Shes been really acting like a 4 year old now a days. I had to help her clean out her wardrobe because she kept complaining she had no more socks when I just bought her a new pack. So as I was searching and refolding everything. I grab an undie and it’s crusty. So I have her open it up and it’s full of nasty yellow crusty undies I got so angry. I was so disgusted. Why do I have to take damn care of a kid who keeps saying I’m not her mom? My husband says everytime she acts up I should let her mom handle it. But yet all the other work and stuff my SD needs I have to do. Gotta pay for her damn school lunch cause her mom is an ass. Why do I have to act like her mom when I’m not treated like a mom. I got too much to handle with my own kid to care. What am I doing wrong?!
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They made you keep helping?
They made you keep helping? Well stop again. You cannot have responsibility without authority. Is the BM standing over you while you do her laundry? Your DH is incapable? Teach her how, post the instructions in the laundry room and walk away. Worked for me.
Don't stop disengaging. They will get mad! They lost their cook/maid/free child care! DH and I had it out several times. He does not question my motives any longer because I was consistent. Hold firm.
SD is over my at place 5 days
SD is over my at place 5 days of the week. So I gotta do the most work. Her damn BM just babies her too damn much. I thought my SD how to do her own laundry. But the. She made excuses saying she didn’t know how much detergent to put in. So I told her one cup. Then she started saying she couldn’t tilt the detergent so then my DH just Makes me do it. I’m damn pissed.
Then buy pods and tell her to
Then buy pods and tell her to try again ...
How does your DH "make" you
How does your DH "make" you do things?? Is he threatening you in some way? Physically forcing you?
SD has 2 parents and you are NOT one of them. Tell DH he can bloody well do SD's laundry, pay for her lunch, or even wipe her tush. Not your kid, not your problem.
Say what?? They bullied and guilted you to do
laundry/housework with a newborn 3 month old baby? Thats just unacceptable!!
your newborn takes priority because she is incapable of doing anything herself yet, sd, hubby are totally capable of caring for themselves and contributing
so now you’re on strike!! You wash your and bubs clothes and thats it! I know it may for some seem petty considering you can add hubby and sd clothes too, but 1 think that seems to be common are skids are filthy and I wouldn’t want their clothes anywhere near mine or my kids so if they wanna go through life excuse after excuse poor me i’m a child of divorced parents then so be it
news flash for the bio mum, she doesn’t get to tell off the stepmum for the rules in her home or demand she do her daughters laundry. You have a newborn who takes priority and precedence over laundry for a 10yr old daughter
I agree!! Baby is top
I agree!! Baby is top priority and so is your mental health because you matter the most to the baby.
My SO - a man - just put a
My SO - a man - just put a load of laundry in the machine. I'm pretty sure it has my clothes and probably my son's clothes in there too (possibly, possibly not). Men CAN do laundry.
In different families there are different ages for doing chores like laundry, I don't make my son or my stepsons do laundry and they are about that age. But your DH sure can do it.
So true elkclan
my 3yr old daughter and almost 2 yr old son have seen me do laundry in the morning after their bath and start a load. My daughter decided to push a dining chair right next to washing machine and i would hand her dirty laundy and she threw it in the washing machine. Many times she chucked her fluffy dolls in to have a wash too.
My 2nd cousins daughter (a few months older than my 3yr old) puts clothes in washing machine and presses start.
my son sees me tidying the house during the day whilst hubby is at work and he grabs random toys and stuff lying on the floor and puts them in the laundry basket. These are toddlers who should be way behind developmentally compared to this 10yr old sd. Parents being divorced or a child of divorced parents is a cop out...
Funny how you did the same
Funny how you did the same thing the OP did. Your post points out that the SD should be able to help with laundry at her age(I agree with you), while ignoring the fact that her father isn't doing a darn thing.
The OP's husband should be doing every single parenting thing that the OP has made the choice to do.
Meanwhile at BM's house - the
Meanwhile at BM's house - the kids don't do laundry, but they do fold and put away their clothes. Which we should also be doing here.
Read my first post disneyfan
i stated sd and dad are capable of doing chores and caring for themselves and contributing to household chores whilst op is busy and overwhelmed with a newborn and they choose not to but guilt op into it. I have not said the dad is off scott free on this.
But i have not excused the sd behaviour or attitude to things. She is perfectly capable of doing age appropriate chores here
FWIW, since my DH has been
FWIW, since my DH has been retired, he has done ALL of the laundry here
Yes, they can do household work, just like any other human being.
You're an adult.
You're an adult.
No one can MAKE you do anything. Sure, they may bitch and moan if you stop, but so what.
If your husband yells about you not parenting his kid, yell back and tell him she's his responsibility not yours.
OP, get the book "The Dance
OP, get the book "The Dance of Anger," by Harriet Lerner. It's really helpful in learning how to solve problems in any relationship. It teaches you to identify what the problem really is (in your case, it's that you have taken on too much care for your stepdaughter and are afraid to stand up to your husband's anger), learn how and why this is hard for you (ie, how you've been conditioned to deal with other people's anger and what's underlying your own difficulties - namely, your fear that you will lose DH if you take a stand), and how to make changes and stick to them in a way that gives you the best hope of preserving your relationship with DH.
It's really a great book. It mostly addresses the issues that women have dealing with anger because we've been conditioned to be "nice girls" and not "bitches" who get angry. You are clearly and understandably angry, but you are blaming BM, DH and SD instead of understanding yourself and why it's so hard to stand up to DH when he insists you do something you don't want to do.
Lots going on here
Why is kid at dad's house 5 days if he is dumping all parenting on you? Is it to keep CS down?
How is he "making" you do stuff? Are you SAH and he thinks you should do all? You guys need to listen to each other
Her mother works night shift
Her mother works night shift and the only days she has off is sundays and mondays. So therefore I have to watch her damn kid too while SO is at work
Does your husband also work
Does your husband also work nights? Doesn't skid go to school?
What would your husband do if
What would your husband do if you weren't there? He'd hire a babysitter. Tell him to either pay you or make other arrangements.
Unless he is physically threatening you, he cannot MAKE you do anything. You are allowing him to treat you like crap. Time to end that.
I can relate. I have a SD15
I can relate. I have a SD15 that acts 2. Right down to the tempertanturms and fears a 2 yr old has. At the age of 15 though I find it totally ridiculous for he rto act this way, especially when my son is ADHD and borderline aspbergers syndrome and is younger than her acts more mature than SD. I disconnected and when SO gets upset about that I tell him If you want us to kiss her a$$ then we walk." He has agreed the best course of action is to NOT do for SD and let SD find out what reality is like. SD has chores and is accountable for herself like a 15 yr old. SD's failure to meet these standards is shocking and even worse SO just let's it go and refuses to correct her. The only relief I see is that he is sticking to not doing her chores for her, most of the time (sometimes the cats litter box just can't wait)
WTF, you've got a 3 month old
WTF, you've got a 3 month old, with colic to top that off, and they're getting on your arse for not doing skid's washing?! Tell them where to stick it. Don't let them use you as a babysitter. You've got a baby to look after; their kid is not your problem. Skid is 10; she is easily capable of doing a load of washing...she's just acting up because she's not the centre of attention anymore. That shit needs shutting down, quick. BM and DH are obviously gonna get pissy about it...they're seeing that their free babysitting and maid service is reduced (for damn good reason).