Went for a drink with BM
It actually went really well. We were there for 2 and a half hours. We are both sick of the hard feelings and drama. We did talk about FDH, but only to how she was happy he is not alone, and out of all the GF's he had, she is so excited he is with me. She was relieved to know that I am ok they can still be civil for the kids and their sake. The one thing they always prided themselves with was their good relationship. She didn't know where we went wrong but wants to put it in the past and start new, as do I. She did say she would rather go to a mediator to update their court order because its been 5 years, which I agree. She would like to work it out with FDH. She also invited me and my kids over to trick or treat with her other 2 kids. It was interesting hearing the dynamics of how the kids are at her house. It was almost like we were talking about different kids. We laughed and did not dwell on it. Main conversation was the laundry load, no me time and your typical tired working Mom syndrome. LOL. She paid and said i could pick up the next one. So things went better than I expected.
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I'm really happy for you, but
I'm really happy for you, but really scared for you if after the "honeymoon" wears off. Will you keep us posted? Sure hope it continues for you though!
I'm trying to keep a positive
I'm trying to keep a positive attitude.She did say that she would like to go thru mediation instead of lawyers to have new ppwk. drawn up. I thought it was a good idea and told her we could have a spa day with the money we saved on lawyers.lol. The only thing I had a problem with, and I let it go for now, was that after updating the CS which is costing us an extra 500.00 per month, and braces put on FSD which is costing us another 150.00 per month...she is looking to put braces on my FSS10. I have a 14 year old who needs braces as well. WHERE IS ALL THIS MONEY GOING TO COME FROM. We already had to let FDH car insurance go and now we are driving one car. We r struggling now, couldn't we wait until FSS is 12, and FSD braces are off??? We can tackle that in 6 months, where we can try and explain that if BM and BF were in that predicament, the braces would have waited. Is it possible to hold off, and hopefully she will agree. She can't afford it either, but is willing to pick up extra jobs in her industry, which is easy in her field. FDH has put out resumes but the economy is so bad, he is not getting calls back. What do we do. If we bring it up now, it may destroy this whole thing. Also, FDH before mediation is going to talk to her about putting in the ppwk that the CS he has been paying was a verbal agreement between them and she will not purse back CS, just so he doesn't have that over his head. Again he is not a dead beat, but he paid for other stuff instead and half of the CS they were both fine with it when they were friends.
Wow, I am so jealous. Would
Wow, I am so jealous. Would you ever have considered her a psycho or mentally unbalanced?
I went into the whole situation thinking that our BM would mellow out over time and realize that all of us being on the same page would be best for the kids. But it never happened and the kids are old enough now that I don't think it would make a difference anyway.
Funny thing is I still wait
Funny thing is I still wait for the bomb to explode and this all go away. We both experienced the drama, hopefully, seeing life without all the drama will prove better for everyone and we don't go back to the way it was.
Honestly, I don't understand
Honestly, I don't understand the whole BM SM relationship. If you are secure in your life, you should have a problem with the other. I don't have a problem with FDH going out with her once in a while to talk about the kids, nor do I have a problem talking with her, it does make sense that if the kids are going to spend time with me, that maybe I may have questions for her that would help me better to coparent. I promise I will never treat my kids sm disrespectfully. I saw what my poor sm went thru and it just isnt fair. She was very good to me and my brother. As long as the sm is treating my kids well, then thank you sm! Some people just don't have common sense! I told BM we r stuck with each other for a long time!!!Why not make the best of it. I will respect you if you respect me. So far, she feels the same.
I'm jealous too. I was the
I'm jealous too. I was the one, in our situation, who came into it excited & happy for an opportunity to have a new friend in BM. Everytime DH insisted it wasn't going to happen, I'd extend myself to prove him wrong. In 9 years I've given BM no reason not to like me, but she doesn't. DH made several requests for me to leave it alone; that I would get hurt. I just felt so certain that I could convince her that I am a good person. I didn't judge her. I didn't place blame on her. I didn't talk bad about her. I have always been polite to her. It took about 8 of my 9 years to realize that she's that way with everybody. She'd probably take to me better if I were ugly toward her. It'd give her something to shoot back at me with. Because I don't give her that, I have nothing to offer her. She seems to enjoy her misery, & I don't contribute to it, so she has no use for me.
I have 2 friends who are SM's. They are both very close friends with the BM's in their situations. I went into my situation with those as my previous step-life examples, & it was really hurtful, on a personal level, when I couldn't make that work for me.
Congratulations on this step!!!
Does it work with your
Does it work with your friends? I am hoping that this lasts and realize there will be bumps in the road, but for now, my life is dramaless, and I will try my best to make things work. She really seems on board.
I feel bad that it did not work for you. Why don't some people get it??? Wouldn't you wouldn't u be nice to someone who is with your kids. I would be scared for my kids if I was being a bitch. It does after a while make you feel like you do not want the kids around.
Yeah, my friends actually
Yeah, my friends actually have REAL friendships with their BM's. They don't JUST get along for the sake of the kids. They are actually friends. For one, it's going on 14 years, & for the other it's been just over 7 years. Not having been a stepchild, these 2 women were the step-family examples I knew, so it was what I expected. I really struggled with accepting that I couldn't make it be that way for me.
Thank you for sharing -- this
Thank you for sharing -- this is so nice to have a breath of fresh air on this forum in hearing a positive BM and SM story.
The kids will definately
The kids will definately benefit from this.
Good for both you and BM.
Best regards,
Don't mean to be pessimistic,
Don't mean to be pessimistic, but one good meeting is just that- ONE good meeting. I hope it all works out...really. But from my experience it seems she wants something. Like she wants you to like her so it is harder for you and dh to tell her no. (ex-braces) So good on the meeting but still be careful.