My husband asked me to sit in the back seat so my stepson could sit upfront!
My husband asked me to sit in the back seat of our jeep yesterday so my stepson could sit upfront... and it wasn't the first time. The first time he asked me I didn't understand what he said at first and got in the front seat as usual. I couldn't believe he would ask me that and I was really upset about it, but I didn't make a big deal about it and never brought it up again... that is until he asked me again yesterday. Am I wrong for being extremely upset and feeling less than?
My stepson who I love dearly, who has been in my life for over 13 years is now 17 y old and 6' 2". My husband has a way of exaggerating my stepson's height. He believes my stepson is sitting in the backseat of our Jeep Patriot with his knees between the back of the front seat and his chest... which just isn't the case! Not too long ago we all went out to dinner and my stepson sat in the backseat and was perfectly fine and perfectly comfortable. If that were the case, I would feel awful for him and volunteer to sit in the backseat! I tried to talk to my husband about how wrong I felt it was for him to ask me to sit in the backseat and how less than I felt. I also tried to explain that my stepson isn't having to sit the way he thinks... that he had plenty of room, but he became extremely defensive and sarcastic. He didn't believe me when when I told him that he was fine and wasn't sitting with his knees up at his chest. I know he won't ask me to sit in the back seat again, however, I believe he will resent me for it and I feel in the future whenever we all get in the car together my husband will ask my stepson over and over if he's comfortable and feels okay in the back seat. I honestly don't know how to handle this and I'm asking for help. To be honest, I'm feeling like I've been punched in the stomach and the truth about where I stand with husband just punched me in the face. It's heartbreaking!!
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If This
Has been going on for 13 years it's not going to change and I doubt this is the first sign that you are dead last and priority. As you can see the height thing is just an excuse as he is already married to his not-so-mini spouse. I have no doubt that if yss hadn't PASed out when he did, I would be in the same boat. Might want to think your options. it doesn't get better whether or not they PAS out
I suggest that you get your
I suggest that you get your dh to sit in the back with his son while you drive so he can see for himself that he's perfectly comfortable. Doesn't solve everything but might just shut him up.
then
"offer" to move the drivers seat up! This way they can hold hands! My son is 6' tall and we drove around in an '88 subaru justy. He sat in the back.
I made DH sit in the backseat
I made DH sit in the backseat once and DD up front. After that DH made sure skids never insists on sitting in the front seat whenever I’m along.
it is a punch in the gut and inappropriate for DH to do that to you. If he’s worried about his kid’s legs then get a minivan and he can drive it around. It’s not about comfort, it’s about putting you,literally and figuratively, in the backseat and allowing SS to be in a coalition with him and cutting you out.
No way! Neither SS14 or SD18
No way! Neither SS14 or SD18 are taller than me, but both are significantly wider. I'm underweight and they are clinically overweight and obese. I'm pretty sure at some point in their lives both of them complained to DH that they should be sitting up front because they are larger. I'm not sure if I'm the one that told DH that it would never happen or DH knew himself that it would be completely inappropriate, but either way, it's never happened. Even on 1000 mile road trips. DH wouldn't mention it and he'd shoot a kid down if they asked.
If DH ever tells me that I will be sitting in back for whatever reason, it will spell the end of our relationship. My husband is a very logical person, but he knows I sit up front, unless I'm the one that volunteers to sit elsewhere (which I only do for guests and extended family, not kids). You are not wrong for feeling very upset about this. You have every right and you should tell your husband so.
oh my word, if my DH said
oh my word, if my DH said that to me, it was going to be a big deal and was goin to be hurt and offended. its like was honouring his child over you an adult, his better half. Children should honour the adults that means the back seat is for them as long as an adult is around, if the back seat is not comfortable for them because of their heart or what so ever then that's too bad they will have to suck it up, it wont kill. For your husband to ask you to sit at the back its disrespecting you and if he sugested it in front of SS then he is giving him an impression that he is of high priority above you and that's enough for a step child to respect you less. If i were you i would resent DH for seeing nothing wrong with his suggestions and he is not the one who is to be resentful concerning the issue but you are. I would so despise him for failing to know what's appropriate and what's not. How dare he expects you at the BACK SEAT. I would tell him to go fuck his son the next time he came to me horny.
I often volunteer when going
I often volunteer when going with friends and coworkers to sit in the back seat. I'm only 5'4". My DH is 6'3"... so when he drives he does have his seat pretty far back and it would be a tough fit for most adults... even me, to sit behind him in a lot of vehicles. Now, whenever we went places with his girls.. they always sat in the back. Now, over time, as they grew, both did end up taller than me.. but nowhere near 6'2". For shortish trips around town, it shouldn't be a big deal for someone to squeeze a little into the back seat.. for longer trips.. it might be tougher. I actually think the SS's height might make a back seat less comfortable.. there is a difference between fitting and fitting comfortably.. but for around town, it shouldn't be a big deal. Perhaps for longer trips I might allow everyone to rotate and take turns driving and sitting in the backseat.
I do want to add one more
I do want to add one more thing. Should you be very upset and feel less than? To me, that depends. Does your husband make a habit of putting his kid before you all the time or is this truly just one situation that rubbed you the wrong way. You may think he is mad at you over your insistance on sitting up front... but it is much more likely that he felt you are making a mountain out of a molehill.. and he is upset at the conflict in general. Honestly, unless I had a ton of other situations where I was asked to play second fiddle unreasonably.. I would allow this to blow past and not make a huge issue of it. At 17, the boy will hopefully not be around for all that much longer on a regular basis. Shoot, you could make jokes like I do sitting in the back seat (my YSD often drives and DH sits up front with her and I sit in the back seat).. they forget the child lock.. so I get stuck in the back..lol "let the little child out" I tell them. Again, sitting in the back seat would be uncomfortable for him at 6-3... YSD is the one driving.. so someone has to sit in the back.
Good Points
As another poster mentioned, I am short too (5' 3") and if going out with coworkers, etc, always sit in the back. Dad my be proud that son is tall (not like that should matter, imho, but to many men it does). The funniest thing is when I go out with my brother and my mom, I sit in the back, and it has child locks, and they have to let me out.
new car
Maybe you should suggest that you get a new car that will fit your entire family?
new car
Maybe you should suggest that you get a new car that will fit your entire family?