Does it really get better when skids turn 18?
I know Ss is only 5 but I've been thinking (fantasizing!! ha!) about how nice it'll be once he turns 18 (in my state child support ends at 18) and Bm is out of our life... I know I know, she'll always be around however it'll be WAY different... I hope? I know I've read of some ladie'ss & gent's here that have skids over 18, and I know once skids are adults other bigger issues can ensue but I'm just curious if things really change after Bm is removed from the equation or if that really happens... Dh is a reformed guilty daddy but doesn't give into Bm at all so boundaries are tight and I'm happy for that. Do things really get better/stressfree once this kiddos are of legal age?
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All I know is I CAN'T WAIT
All I know is I CAN'T WAIT for SD to turn 18. Child support stops here at 18 as well, and there are no orders to pay college expenses. You know what that means? BM WILL NEVERRRRRRRR get another dime from us. & idk how she will survive without CS considering she makes like 10 bucks an hour & her son, who she refuses to get CS for from his father, will still have another 2 years in her home.
Right now I know she uses SD6's CS to support herself, SD & her son,4. It'll be funny to c how she tries to learn to support herself as SD gets closer & closer to 18.
Omg, there is nothing about
Omg, there is nothing about college with us either and I'm SO thankful for that. Of course if SS doesn't grow up to be a douche like his crazy mom we will help him but I'm so thankful Dh never agreed to get anything like that in writing.
I'm anxious to see how Bm manages thing once CS ends also. Fortunately for the world Bm had a hysterectomy so there is no chance she'll have other kids but she works the bare minimum and uses the CS for herself.
Omg I wish we only had 5
Omg I wish we only had 5 years!! I have to think though, when I first got with Dh it was 15 years to go so I'm happy it's not only 13 years... we could even be optimisitc and say 12 1/2 considering Ss turned 5 in July! haha!! I can't wait for the day to come. Knowing Bm, she'll act like she doesn't understand why it ends, the one here seems to think Dh owes HER the money. it's insane.
Our BM is the same way. She
Our BM is the same way. She actually asked us to take custody of SD, which we did. SD didn't visit for almost 2 months. When SD finally did go for a visit she came home asking if DH was trying to get child support. After the second visit she asked why DH wasn't giving BM child support. "She doesn't work very much and needs money so she can feed me when I'm there."
DH won't tell SD the whole story. When we agreed to take custody I made DH go to court and ask for a modified support order. Until he did that technically he is required to continue to pay BM 1/2 of his weekly support. BM is refusing to respond to any of the legal documents. She ignored the request for information, the notice to strike a mediator and the proposed settlement DH's attorney sent. The settlement asked for the state's legal minimum CS,ignored the fact that we also pay for SD to have insurance. She called his attorney once and informed them she should not have to pay child support, after that nothing.
DH thinks she is trying to delay things until SD will turns 18 in 3 months. Which is stupid because cs doesn't end until 19 in our state and even if SD were to move back to her house today he would still ask for an offset of future support. Her lack of participation in the process has made it cost more than twice as much. Now DH is seeking recovery of legal fees. It's a mess.
My SO spends just about the
My SO spends just about the same now for 1 skid going to college as he paid for CS for two. But yes, money is no longer given directly to BM, he pays her rent and college direct. Takes Bm out of the picture a little, but as far as communication, it's been less, but not like you'd expect. The secret is to get your skids communicating with their dad's without going through BM before they turn 18 and that will lessen the communication. Unfortunately for us, skids don't communicate with SO, still mostly through BM and she passes the word along to SO (and loves doing it), so therefore still contact. He tries to get the girls into talking to him NOT BM, but guess they don't like to communicate same thing to each parent (I kinda get that though). But I think if you start early enough and let them know that they need to communicate with Dad same as Mom, they might get used to it. In our case, they know their mom and dad talk, and they know their mom will pass along anything necessary or even unnecessary. I've gotten used to it so it doesn't bother me as much anymore.
Yes, it did get better for me
Yes, it did get better for me when skid turned 18. My/DH's problem was always with the crazy BM so when CS ended life changed for the better. DH has only received one email from BM in the past 3 years and it was ignored. We now deal directly with SS and I couldn't be happier.
Now don't mistake that to think life is all butterflies and rainbows after skid is 18. DH will always be a parent to SS. And that meant having SS move back in with us ages 18-19. We had our struggles, but they were more like typical family struggles.
I hope the next 13 years go by quickly for you!
I'm looking forward to this
I'm looking forward to this also!! We've finally gotten Ss to start eating cereal (what kid doesn't eat cereal?? lol) and so I'll be happy the day he can serve himself. I think Bm stuff the kid full of Mcdonalds all day so he panics whenever real food is put in front of him. I'm SO thankful to finally get over the hurdle of food issues.
SD15 has been living with us
SD15 has been living with us since April. I USED to get excited about skids turning 18, but now I am starting to see the reality of what is going to happen, starting to hear the excuses that DH is ALREADY laying out for why SD might not be gone once she graduates high school etc.
DH and SD15 grandma(who SD lived with all of her life) have crippled her. She can't do a damn thing for herself, lays in her room and texts DH to make her dinner, come to her room, etc etc. is a nasty slob, and just flat out lazy as all hell. She'll never be able to hold down a job and is just not college material.
Now I just hope and pray that she proves me wrong, but so far? I have been spot on with how I forsee things going down.
SS21 had the rug ripped out
SS21 had the rug ripped out from under him when I kicked him out of our house back in June. BM truly had the ballsack to call DH telling him off because how DARE I throw out her baby boy! So no, age changes nothing with these crazy ass bitches. SD is 13, but CS goes till 21 so we still have 8 more years of BS with that one. Even funnier is the fact that after SS turned 18 BM would still call DH to try and schedule his dental & medical appointments like if the son of a bitch was 12.
From what I've heard it
From what I've heard it doesn't get better. I'm still hopeful, too, but I'm no longer preparing a party on that date.
Skids are 13 and 10, so DH
Skids are 13 and 10, so DH and I have 8 more years. BM has never taken DH back for more child support or court. BM is under CPS investigation so I think she is afraid to rock that boat.
I am sure with how the skids are being raised that BM's crap will not end at 18, the skids will not be kids to get out of the house at 18. BUT, the obligation to BM will end. She will not be the one asking for money, the skids will. DH knows this, he'll help them IF they are helping themselves.
BM has raised them to be VERY dependent on her, they do not shower or brush their teeth without direction from BM. I really hope that they figure it out in the next 5 to 8 years and be a little more independent but BM still relies on her parents for so much.
This scares me because Ss
This scares me because Ss although he's only 5 he is very much reliant on Bm and she loves that. At our house he still struggles with even putting his plate in the sink and that's because Bm coddles him so I'm hoping with what we teach him it'll help him in the future... however MIL doesn't aid to that because when he's with her he reverts to acting like a baby because MIL feeds into that.
Sometimes it does. Sometimes
Sometimes it does. Sometimes the SKs grow up and start to come to the realization that their BMs are troubled people. Will they still love their moms? Many likely will, but they realize that she also has flaws just like the rest of us.
Then there are those who will continue to idolize BM and treat SMs like dog crap well into adulthood (just go look at the adult stepchildren issues forum).
So things may get better, or you may just be exchanging one nightmare (CS) for another (rude adult SKs).
I'm sure that sd14 and her bm
I'm sure that sd14 and her bm will suck as much money out of my SO as they can get over the next 4 years. I'm just curious bc I think the papers say til she turns 18. She is a late birthday so she actually turns 18 right before her summer year. How much you wanna bet that he keeps paying? I totally understand and yeh, he does need to pay til she graduates but after that, it's gonna be like getting a huge raise!!!
Woot!!
**this is in reply to
**this is in reply to Mairin**
>>>My husband was quite baffled and shocked by their behavior as he did not raise them that way. He then changed his own reactions to them. That does NOT stop them from many things. He simply is not responsible in any way for every last thing they did. He is absolutely not responsible for any bull shit they try to pull in the future.<<<
Yes, one thousand times this! Dear heavens if my DH takes responsibility for everything SD28 does, craptastic or wonderful, he'd never get anything done.