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Mustlovedogs's picture

Submitted by Mustlovedogs on Thu, 04/04/2013 - 5:17pm

I have a 21 year old SS who lives w/his bio mom in her basement. I hear from my SD that the basement is like an episode of hoarders and smells bad. He has no job and doesn't even have his drivers license. No college either. The only thing he seems to like is video gaming. He will wear the same clothes/underwear for days and rarely brushes his teeth. My husband has been letting him do odd jobs around his office but has to go across town to pick up SS and drop him off...bio mom will not help. Sometimes my husband will invite him to spend the night at our house so that he won't have to go back and forth across town. My problem with this is that my husband tends to " tell" me this is happening rather than ask if it's okay. It's becoming a habit and I think my husband is just enabling my SS. I also fear that my own basement will become a mess like bio moms. I have to clean up after my SS every time he's here. He has very little common sense but is a sweet young man... Just very immature. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. Any advice?

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Mustlovedogs's picture

Submitted by Mustlovedogs on Thu, 04/04/2013 - 5:31pm

I have tried talking to my husband about the issue of my SS spending the night with us but he just doesn't see why it bothers me. I think since his relationship with his son was strained for many years due to biomom's manipulation, he sees this as not only an opportunity to help him but also spend time together...so I feel like the "bad guy" for complaining. I just don't think it's necessary for a 21 year old to spend the night to be closer to his Dad's office because he's not had the motivation to get his drivers license. It's all just very frustrating.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Thu, 04/04/2013 - 6:30pm

Rather than just forbid him to come over tell your DH that SS may not spend the night if he leaves the place in a mess. He must clean up after himself after leaving. You are not the maid. If SS is not willing to clean up after himself then you should ban his ass.

At most this should be an occasional overnight. DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!