For those who commented on my last blog post, thank you... it was quite eye opening in some regards. I already knew some of the things said, especially about taking back my life, but honestly I don't know how that can happen without a divorce.

Divorce doesn't really seem like a viable option to me, I don't have a job that pays a steady in come and have only done freelance work from home for several years now and I make very little, not enough to leave or get a place of my own, much less pay for a divorce. Also, while my husband is a functional alcoholic, I am hoping he will continue to go to AA meetings sometime soon (he started and then stopped due to business travel). I do love my husband, but I get very resentful of how selfish he has been with his career and his lack of parenting his own kids. Many days I feel like he has married me to take care of his kids so he can live the life he wants and just have a wife to keep the home and all that dumb old fashion stuff I don't really care for, which is why I tend to be so depressed about the whole situation. When I confront him about this he tells me its not true, that he sincerely loves me, but then why on Earth does he keep this job that forces him to travel every week and leaves me at home to deal with all the burden of raising HIS kids and running a home, etc? He says its to pay for our home and the cost of living near NYC, but in truth we could afford a pay-cut and maybe I could find a job if he wasn't out of town all the time, and I definitely don't need a lot of money to be happy. Maybe he does though...

Am I just being too optimistic to think that this will all work out in the long run, maybe once the skids have grown? Are there ways to "take back my life" and stay married? I have tried volunteering and I actually do many hours for various organizations every week, but there is still a void. I guess I just can't see the forest for the trees right now and all the stress and anxiety is consuming me to bits.