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15 year old step daughter's inappropriate behavior

needhelpinNM's picture

Submitted by needhelpinNM on Sat, 08/06/2011 - 2:05pm

I am looking for some advice about my 15 year old step daughter. Nothing too serious like drugs, alcohol, or sex, but she isn't able to keep her room clean. Her room was smelling like a zoo. She is sneaking food, for example, a found a bowl of powdered sugar in her room, ewww. I also am having problems getting her to understand that she needs to take care of the items used during her period, found several used items under her dresser...... When she gets caught she lets loose on me with the usual "I hate you, why did Dad hafta pick you, etc..." I have tried taking TV away and telling her that I will be checking her room and that we cannot have a home that smells.... etc. How has anyone else been able to resolve these types of behavior problems????

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needhelpinNM's picture

Submitted by needhelpinNM on Sat, 08/06/2011 - 2:29pm

I think you have a valid point -- I am talking with my husband now about getting her someone outside the family to talk to -- perhaps this is just her way of asking for help?

Sweetnothings's picture

Submitted by Sweetnothings on Sat, 08/06/2011 - 3:07pm

My SD21 likes to live in her own filth too, it is a strange thing....( also the same with tampons, pads, etc....yuk!!! )

I spent months trying to make her see some sense....I'm not a clean freak, but the smell got bad too....
In the end, I " arranged " it for DH to have to use her bathroom several times, and he was appalled with the dirty underwear, used tampons just discarded, etc, he got all over her arse.....saved me a job!!

Poppy's picture

Submitted by Poppy on Sat, 08/06/2011 - 3:21pm

My oldest SD was 14 when DH and I got married. She kept her room knee deep in filth and grossness, despite my best efforts to keep the rest of the house spotless. I finally enlisted her father to assist in cleaning the mess, only to have him "accidentally" find the uber-grossness in the closet. This kid would take off her pads, tampons, etc and just toss them in a back corner for lord only knows how long before someone (usually her aunt or myself since her dad worked two FT jobs and didn't clean that often) came along to take care of it. Unfortunately, he found so much more than that- we found socks she had used to wipe herself, along with some of my best designer clothes she had used as pads ($200 shirts, leather pants, etc).

I have no idea if it is related, but within two months, she told her therapist (yes I made her go to a therapist) that she hated me and wanted me dead and would do anything to make sure her dads and my marraige was ruined. She then called the cops and alleged that he had inappropriately touched her. There was a big investigation and she said she wanted to go live with her aunt. Her aunt knew all the BS that was going on and said no, she couldn't live there. Her story finally came out when they made her go live with her birth mother (whom she hates)- she said she made up the story and only wanted to go live with her aunt.

Long story short- she was a deeply disturbed child! I never understood why she did ANYTHING she did, still don't- even though now she is an adult. I can only be glad that she is doing these puzzling things elsewhere.

needhelpinNM's picture

Submitted by needhelpinNM on Sat, 08/06/2011 - 3:26pm

Oh wow -- you really had it handed to you with her -- I really appreciate your advice of having her Dad discover some of her "secrets" -- I can see a teen being messy but this is more of an issue and perhaps her Dad seeing might make her realize that I'm not just the "wicked stepmother"! Thanks.