quit being a victim
too many women play a victim role. and every situation they face they tend to see themselves as a victim. poor me!
We need to be strong, take what we want, take what we deserve - don't let sks, bms, idiot dfs treat us like crap.
- new evil stepmom's blog
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Who is that directed at?
Stepmoms who feel the frustration in difficult situations and come here to unload because we don't know who else to turn to?
Or the BMs who constantly invade our lives?
all of us even me
this thought comes from listening to sd. every obstacle/problem she crosses she tends to play a victim with blame on someone else. and all i can think to myself is this poor girl is never going to be accountable for herself as long as she has someone to blame and can play the victim role.
i am thinking outloud and venting, this is not directed to anyone as a personal attack or anything like that.
i do remember a time when i used to blame other people/situations on my predicaments and i overcame it for the most part and created success/possitive situations for myself. of course every now and then i slip up.
I might be taking it wrong then....
I get your frustration at a child who is playing the victim like most kids do. Accountability is a learned trait, and if you have people that set bad examples, it makes it all that much harder to learn. I just took it a little offensively because I don't come to this site to complain and say "poor me and everybody should feel sorry for me". I want suggestions and help.
My BM is a thorn in my side. There is no reasoning or accountabilty on her part. Everything is everyone else's fault and most of the blame falls on DH or myself. I have tried to be nice, I've tried the "standing up for myself" approach, I've tried indifference. It does not matter what I do, she treats me worse than I've ever allowed anyone to treat me. If another woman ever spoke to me the way she's spoken to me...I would have slapped her silly. But I can't, she would make her kids and my husband pay the price. I enable her half the time just to keep the peace.
So I don't try to play the victim, I just try to rationalize and make the best of an impossible situation.
I don't "play the victim"
I don't "play the victim" what so ever nor do I feel most of these women here do, but the bold truth is that we have few avenues for recourse or basic rights in our situation and we do somewhat have tied hands in these situations or feel there is a line we are not to cross.
We do choose our lives by all means- so have everyone else on earth but everyone feels discontent with their lives at times and especially when trying to live in this type of family with such strained dynamics that really are relatively undefined roles and such intense emotions involved.
There is no reason where logic does not exist
This is almost comical
BM is what I call a Professional Victim. According to her she has been beaten, raped, verbally abused, the list goes on. She should be ashamed of herself. Anyway one of her poor little me tatics was used by her own Attorney in court. She said quote "My Client is unsophisticated in matters of money and would never be able to possibly do that"!!!! Ummmm she is in the Mortgage business. I HOPE she is not unsophisticated in matters of money. Anyway turns out she started her own business and totally lied to the court.
I can't stand these kind of women.
You can say that again...
Got that right! I hate woman that do that... hate it hate it hate it...
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
Am I a Victim??
If I try to love SS and that doesn't work, then I try to be just a friend to SS and that don't work, then I try to ignore SS and that don't work, then what do I do?
If SS hates me and I try everything from loving to ignoring and nothing works then I am playing a victim...ah, yes I am because I should just leave my home everytime he comes, take DH's other child (mine) with me, lose time with my husband and his child every weekend or just leave my husband and make our child together live this nightmare my SS lives or just stay home and lump it...those are my options. Thanks I see it all clearer now and I am no longer a victim.
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
Oh forgot to mention the idiot...
She's not a bad person, she just leaves her child home all week and weekend long but won't let him come here because we would be winning her twisted mind game because SS wants to be here with dad. When he comes here he costs us money and loads of time & emotional crap, so why do we want him, surely not just so we can can cry that she makes life so hard for us...oops there I go being a victim again.
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
NO You Are Not
I don't see you as someone playing a victim. There is a huge differnce in playing a victim and being placed in a no win situation. I am placed in a no win situation that I am trying to get out of but I still don't consider myself a victim. Girl we are survivors. As my son in the Army says HOOWAA! That is an US ARMY phrase used to get the guys motivated. BTW he comes home from Iraq in a few weeks for leave!!!!!
I am still trying to find a decent picture of myself to send you. I avoid the camera so pics of me are few. I react to the camera like a vampire to garlic. The only ones I have is at Christmas when SS got his camera and was going around taking really bad pics of everyone.
don't take me wrong
i need help/reassurance just as much as the next person on this site. i think just supporting each other and giving each other sound advice will help prevent us from falling into any victim role. i had not intention to attack or insult anyone on this site with these thoughts. we all need to help each other and be strong.
No Offense Taken
But your post didn't really specify who you are talking about. Keep venting that is what we are here for!!!!!
I hate Professional victims as well. It is a major pet peeve for me. This site has helped me with coping with the impossible situation I am living in. I hate being looked at as poor poor Cruella.
Some BM's will treat us like crap no matter what we do. We can't control the way they decide to treat us. We can only control our reactions.
New Evil StepMom
I am sorry for my sarcastic remarks but I don't know what you expected. Basically your random post was because your SD did something and made herself out to be a victim and this pissed you off and apparently got you thinking...thinking what?? That this site could possibly have people playing the victim, yes of course!! You will find a lot of that here because it is our moment to be a victim (or understood or however you want to phrase it) for a change where everyone will listen and help with great advice and sympathy..why do we need this, want this?? The reason is because we get none anywhere else, we are not allowed to ever be the victim, we are only allowed to be at fault because everyone wants someone to blame, lets blame old step mum she cops all our other shit anyway!!
Really I don't mean to be pissy at you but seriously what kind of comments did you hope for, coming here with a post like that? You talk about help, reassurance and strength that we all (including you) need on this site, so why come here with a post that is bound to blow up in your face. Your initial post was not one of strength or any of the other things you mentioned it sounds to me like a vent you should have had about your SD and turned it in the wrong direction. And with words in your first post like 'women play the victim role' and 'poor me' you lost my support of the post right there, now you want to back up and say it's not what you meant. Sorry mate, that was what you meant.
*catch gets off her soapbox with humble apologies if I offend*
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*