I am so sorry.

Just let yourself cry him out of your life.

Protect yourself and time for self examination. No dating for 18 months. Do stuff for you. Travel. Take up a new hobby. Change yourself.

You need time to get him out of your system. You have to be able to see him in the street and just walk on by with out a pang of your heart. Only THEN will you be able to even consider a new relationship.

One thing I learnt was to look outside myself. DH is not the kind of guy I would have dated EVER. But he is so right for me that it is ridiculous. Think about why you gravitate towards these men. And resolve to never ever give yourself 100% ever again. It is the only way to save yourself. DH gets 99% of me. I always keep some part of me back for myself. Loving yourself first is the only way to remain sane. And maybe call in sick tomorrow. I suspect you will cry so much you will dehydrate yourself and get a stinker of a headache. I know I did in the past.

Take care of your soul and know that your parents are there to support you and love you. Right now they are all you need. (((HUGS)))

Oh I know about the cheating guy syndrome. That happened to me so many times - the one relationship where the guy didn't cheat he was so attached to mommy and daddy (he was in his 30s) that it was like dating a married man.

Do not do what I did. I became so paranoid that I wanted a guy to pledge eternal love with NO CHEATING before I'd even go on a date. I pulled so far back that I didn't have a boyfriend for years and years. Just a series of dates where I always pushed the guy away in case he might cheat.

Like oneoffour My DH is a guy I would never have dated in my earlier years. We would NEVER have been matched on a dating site.

Right now I suggest you just limit any conversation with your DH to email and via your attorney. No way he is getting custody. Do not argue with him. You are done with him. Make sure any custody agreements are ironclad and do not waiver. Yes you share a child together but that does not mean that you have to chit chat with him. Hopefully you can work into civil conversation but two people getting a divorce are going to be hostile. Do not participate in the arguing. He's not worth talking to.

He is just going to lie and lie. No sense in listening to it.

With that text from the ahole, I suggest your dad and stepmom stick around for a bit.

Honey, let me tell you, I was there before...You probably are an AMAZING woman, believe me, I know that...but let me tell you this, this AHOLE did this because you are TOO AWESOME...yes, believe it or not. Men trample all over women who are too freaking nice. You need to stay alone for a while, get yourself together, read about boundaries, learn how much to give and then, only then, will this crap stop happening. I know, believe me that I am not blaming you, in a perfect world, aholes would NOT take advantage of people like you...but we don't live in a perfect world. It is YOUR job to set boundaries and your job to ensure these aholes don't get 100% of you ever...no, you need to demand respect and ensure YOUR well being instead of being so nice to them all the time. I know it sounds horrible, but I KNOW you are a good person from reading your posts...too good...So, read up a bit, take a deep breath and know that you WILL come out of this better...

I once read Melody Beattie's book and my favorite quote said:
"It's not that it wasn't meant to be, it just wasn't meant to last"...keep this with you...know that you are worth more than this ahole and all the other aholes that have hurt you in your life...and know that THIS TIME you will take care of YOU first and foremost...

hugs!

Sweetie get angry, really he's going to act like a selfish lying cheating prick and HE's going to get custody oh please who does he think he is? Please tell me you live in a state that lets you sue for alienation of affection and criminal conversation, dig for all he's been hiding this is just the tip then smack him with it as a threat to get him to F off for a bit You deserve better this is on him his issues aren't your fault DO NOT let him blame you! Get good and mad because that will help get you through the first part of this lawyer up first thing in the morning. Lots of good tools if even so you know your not alone:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/

You get cheated on because you are too nice. My friend has a saying that I never liked, but the older I get, the more I thnk she has a point.

Treat em mean to keep em keen.

Nice girls finish last so they say. Well teach this bastard you have learnt your lesson. No more nice girl. No more sucker. Fight this prick and get every penny you are legally entitled too. And then some if you can. Take the cheating POS to the cleaners. Then, more importantly. DEMAND better for yourself from this point onwards. .

I get that you want to be alone and lick your wounds. But keep dad and sm around for as long as they are willing to,stay. They sound great supporters. You will need them the minute you send them home. I think they'd understand your need to be alone in your room for a while, so don't worry about that.

I am sorry this happened to you. The only thing wrong with you. You don't demand enough from the men you choose. Your probably to busy giving. Learn the lesson now. You are just as important as the man you date. Don't put yourself last. It teaches people your ok with that.

Good luck hon.

I am so so sorry that you have to go through this! The only good news is that your dad was there to kick his ass out for you!! I love a good dad }:)

Keep strong, you know there is no going back. Ignore him 100% until your attorney tells you otherwise! Your child isn't going anywhere, you got this.

What a prick. The only problem I may see is that you pick men that you are too good for. Maybe those men know it and they cheat to put you in your place. To keep you down, because I think these men know they are a POS loser. Your only crime is you were too nice and generous. His cheating really has nothing to do with you. Those men hate women and need to put women in their place by cheating. They would cheat on whoever they are with.

I'm so angry for you. This is definitely a one day at a time situation you're in. Try to find as many short term tasks as you can to focus on at work. When I was in a bad way I hated facing people at work. With each day, though, it got a tiny bit better.

I think your DH is jealous of you, and he's not on his own turf so he has to act out and hurt you in some way. Your dad called him out on his lousy parenting, he probably got a good sense your family doesnt think he's good enough for you, and they are right! I wouldn't be surprised if he left that dating website out for you to see just to make you feel like shit. What kind of man would do such a thing to their wife, would be deliberately cruel. Your DH is a cruel man.

He needs to grown the eff up, but he won't. So get a good attorney. Lean on your family for support. Big hug, you'll get through this.

I'd keep that Daddy of yours around awhile. Nothing like a Papa Bear in your house to keep a$$holes like your DH from getting any stupid ideas. You might also allow your StepMomma to watch the little one for her instead of what you usually do for daycare as long as she's offering to stay on a bit.

DH is already worrying about custody, you wouldn't want him to do something really crazy like try to pick baby up from daycare while you're working. If you are 100% sure you're really truly done with DH (which you should be) your first step this morning is a lawyer and immediate custody filings.

Hugs to you. You'll do just fine, there isn't anything 'wrong' with you, you just happened to pick an insecure (threatened by your success) cheating idiot.

I read somewhere that a good third of all memebers on most dating sites are already in a steady relationship with someone. The reasons for doing so vary from seeking an illicit afair, to curiosity over what strangers on the web find them attractive. I cannot even begin to make assumptions on why your husband was there although I admit to being curious as to what your husband's explanation is.

However...that being said, I want you to please heed my words over this little snippit that you wrote:

Every fucking guy I have ever dated or been an a serious relationship with has cheated and or lied why? What the fuck is so wrong with me that a man not even my own damn husband can just fucking love me

The problem is NOT with you newbiestep. Just because you see a pattern in the men you date does NOT mean there is a problem with you. Please, please, PLEASE don't think that.

It's unfortunate (and I write this with a certain amount of self-loathing) that some guys don't realize how good they have it until they've completely F*cked it up and hit rock bottom. Also sometimes the lizard-brain takes over and we become incapable of higher functioning and reasoning. Rather than concentrating his energies and efforts to loving you the way he should have, he turned to the internet for immediate gratification. Again, I am not saying he was looking to cheat, but he was definetly seeking something he should have been seeking from you. In other words, your husband was hungry for a fast food burger even though there was lucious juicy steak waiting for him at home. A crude analogy, I know, but hopefully you see my point that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you.

So sorry this is happening to you. Move on and find someone who treats you better... You asked why this keeps happening to you...I don't know, but I think sometimes women are too damn nice. We try and make men happy thinking they will treat us good. Be a bitch once in awhile and maybe that will work better for you, since being nice isn't working.

I take pride in being a little bit of a bitch and none of the men in my life have pulled this crap. Maybe that will work for you....Sorry about him being a jackass. But, I am with your parents and you need to move on in your life and let them help you....Also, take him for every dime you can, he deserves to be penniless....

There's nothing wrong with you, Newbie. Your DH is an ass, a very immature one at that. I'm glad you have your SM & dad there with you, I know you want to just be alone, and there will be time for that, but give yourself a chance to go through all the emotions you're going to experience. Document everything you possibly can, and find a good attorney. I really don't believe he stands a chance in hell of getting custody of BS. Hang in there, this is going to be a rough ride but you'll make it. ((Hugs))

That's horrible of him. But think of it as a new beginning and try to get over it. You need time for yourself and I hope you enjoy it. And it just sucks that he would do it over a dating site too. But it'll be okay. I am sure you will get over him. You can even find someone over a dating site as well. Try a cupid site. You can see more about one at http://www.freedatinghelper.com/reviews/vietnam-cupid/